Wednesday 12 August 2020

Pragmatic Ignatius



As a priest, Father Ignatius always tried to teach his parishioners according to the doctrines and rules of the Church. Yet, there were times when he had to be pragmatic and accept the realities of life and the fact that he could not change events. Priests just don’t have magic wands … and they can’t make things better all the time; not even Father Ignatius.

Such a case involves Derek and Geraldine. They were in their early thirties and they had a daughter aged about five.

As sometimes happens in life they grew apart and both of them became unfaithful to their wedding vows. Derek became friendly with his secretary at work and Geraldine met the brother of a friend from school and did the same.

In time Derek and Geraldine divorced and they moved in with their new partners. Derek is now the father of a young son from his new, un-married, partner.

At the time, the kind priest tried his best to help them save the marriage. They came to him for advice and he tried to persuade them to forgive each other, to consider their young daughter, and he even arranged for them to obtain marriage guidance advice. But somehow, he felt that they were only going through the motions. In their hearts they had both decided to end the marriage and start anew with their new found loves.

After the divorce … quite a while afterwards, Derek did come to confession. He deeply regretted his role in the breakdown of the marriage. He sought genuine forgiveness, having accepted that there was no way of turning the clock back. He was now with his secretary who was, at the time, expecting his baby.

The priest did of course give him absolution, but warned him of the Church’s view regarding his co-habitation with his partner. Derek understood the situation and never again came to church.

A few months later Geraldine approached the priest with a view to marrying her new partner. Father Ignatius explained the difficulties involved, and she later married in a Civil Ceremony at the Registry Office. She too stopped attending church.

A few days ago Father Ignatius was standing in the queue outside the Fish and Chips shop opposite the church looking forwards to a fish supper washed down with a bottle of ginger beer when he heard a young voice shouting “Daddy … Daddy …”

He turned round and saw Geraldine a few feet away with her daughter who’d now grown a little. The young girl had seen Derek on the other side of the road and called out to him.

Derek came across to greet his child when Geraldine said, loud enough to be heard by everyone, “You know you’re not allowed to see her outside pre-arranged visiting times. If you don’t go away I’ll tell my lawyer to start proceedings …”

Derek walked away without saying a word whilst Geraldine left in the opposite direction dragging a screaming child crying to her father “Daddy … don’t go Daddy … don’t leave me …”

Suddenly the priest lost his appetite and left the queue to go to his church.

He sat at the front by the statue of Our Lady and prayed for that little girl. He could still hear her screams in his head. He prayed and prayed as tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Why are people so cruel?” he asked himself, “and why do they use innocent young children in their games of emotional blackmail?”

Eventually he got up as he knew what he had to do.

He went to see Geraldine at her home. The child was asleep on an armchair having tired herself of crying.

The priest explained what he had witnessed and how it must have affected the young child. He tried using every reasonable argument that he could muster; yet he felt that he was being listened to politely but not taken seriously enough for Geraldine to change her ways. He detected some hurt still there in her heart which somehow translated into bitterness and retaliation towards her ex-husband.

He left feeling terrible as he handed the situation over to God.

22 comments:

  1. ...knowing when to be pragmatic is an important life lesson!

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    1. Yes Tom. We can't always change everything.

      God bless.

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  2. Horrible. Selfishness.

    Is this fiction? Well, it is not even if it is.

    What happens next? I am hopeful.

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    Replies
    1. Sadly, Sandi, this is not fiction. There are many cases where children are used as negotiating pawns between divorced couples. Legally, the father usually has visiting rights to see the children. But what happens when he goes to the mother and is told (as a lie) that the child is not here? A wasted journey for the father with no legal come-back. To go to a lawyer and start proceedings will cost more money. What can the law do anyway? Fine the woman large sums of money? Put her in jail? Take away the child?

      The case I describe above is not fiction at all.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Dearest Victor,
    Emotional blackmail can cause a lot of grief and hurt!
    People can be(come) so cruel at times and by walking away from Church they even think they have all the right to do what they do. SAD.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. Yes it is very sad, Mariette. And in this case the priest has very little he can do. If the people have left the church then his voice has no authority anyway.

      God bless.

      Delete
    2. And sadly, at the cost of the child... as often is! 😞

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    3. How cruel people can be.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. Oh, how sad this story made me, Victor. Unfortunately, too many divorcing parents do use their children as pawns. I know this makes God's heart break.
    Blessings, my friend!

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    1. What did Jesus say about hurting one of these (children)?

      God bless you, Martha.

      Delete
  5. Using kids to sette a score is wrong. A young child does not understand.

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    1. Yes, and grown ups should know better. Sad isn't it?

      God bless, Bill.

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  6. I'm without words. In the end, there's little anyone can do but turn it over to God.

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    1. Yes Mevely. Priests can't always solve everything.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  7. Sometimes we just have to understand that nothing can humanly be done to change a situation and follow the Priest by turning it over to God. I was divorced after 38 years of marriage. My children were grown, but I made a tremendous effort to never try turning them against their Dad. Have a blest day.

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    1. I understand Nells. At least when children are grown up they can make their own decisions ... sometimes.

      God bless.

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  8. So sad and I'm afraid it happens much too often.

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  9. We do all we can to help prevent these broken lives, but each person make their own decisions....had sad the children get caught in the wake of the earthquake. But the priest did all any of us in the ministry can do....Pray and plead for the children, and give to God. Reality is hard, but it's life.

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    1. It is sad that priests and ministers see these situations in real life all too often. People can be so cruel.

      God bless, Wanda.

      Delete
  10. One lady i know of left her husband and talked terribly about him, trying to turn the boys against him. He kept trying, gently, to warn her that what she was doing would backfire, and she would rail against him worse. (He's a wonderful man, and a great stepfather to some friends, he's much beloved.)

    Then, one day, one of her sons looked at her and told her how much he hated her, saying she lied about his dad all of the time. Dad is always there for me, he said, and you keep lying and saying he doesn't care when he does, and I hate you!

    She finally learned and has never said another bad word about him.

    Another lady i know, when her husband left her and the boys, she was very careful to always stay kind and never, ever let the boys hear a bad word about him. She made sure they had time with him, he was the one who would not bother with them.

    They love their mother dearly, and both vow to never be like their dad, but only because they see for themselves how he is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Children learn quickly and are affected for life by what they see their parents say and do.

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete

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