Every now and then I think back at things that happened in my life and ask: Why me?
No one ever answers. Perhaps you will.
Years ago, when I lived in London, a neighbour phoned in the middle of the night, about 3:00am, and said, "Your dog barking is disturbing my sleep."
I said, "Sorry", meaning what are you talking about? Rather than being apologetic. I was half-asleep at the time.
The next morning, I remembered what happened and was upset, especially since I don't even have a dog. So at 3:00am the next night I phoned my neighbour and said, "I don't have a dog!"
When I moved to another house in London, the same thing, only different, happened again. A woman neighbour phoned me at night and said, "Your horse is in my garden!"
Rather stupidly, I replied, "Sorry!", like I did before.
The next morning I went to see her and I told her I have no horse. She said, "that's OK, it was only a nightmare!"
Horse ... nightmare ... get it? It comes to something when I have to explain my jokes.
When I moved up North I had a neighbour who imitated birds. I did not mind that she ate worms; but I got really annoyed when she pooped on my car!
Oh come on ... that was a good joke! You're a tough audience.
I was in my early twenties and lived in London. I got involved in politics and could have run for office locally. I used to spend a lot of time during elections knocking on doors and asking people if we could rely on their support; or answering any questions or problems they had in mind.
I remember once I was with another colleague. We knocked on a door and a young 15 year old opened. I asked, "Are your dad or mom in?"
He shouted upstairs and said, "Daaad ... there's a man to see you!"
A voice from upstairs replied, "Bring him up!"
My colleague decided to stay at the door. I followed the lad upstairs and he took me to a bedroom where a man and a woman were in bed.
He said, "Yeh ... what do you want?"
You can imagine a 22 year old talking politics with a couple who had other things on their minds.
On another occasion I was knocking at doors in an apartment block. As I was talking to a man at his door, I noticed a woman in her early thirties I would guess, walk up the stairs and say, "Hello Mr Farthing!" to the old gentleman I was talking to. He greeted her back, and she walked up the stairs to the level above.
After ten minutes or so talking to him; I walked up the stairs to the higher level. We had been taught always to be honest with the voters and give a true answer to questions asked; even though it would not be what the voter wants to hear. They respect an honest politician even if their views differ from our Party.
When I rang the door bell at the apartment above, the woman I saw before opened the door totally naked. She was wearing nothing but a smile. She had obviously seen me knocking at doors and had been waiting for me.
She said, "Yes ... what do you want?"
I was honest. I said, "I forgot ..." and ran away.
Politics taught me a lot!!!!!!