Tuesday 12 January 2021

Talking Phones

 

I do hate it when I phone a big organisation and an answering voice rather than a human replies. The world population is 7.8 billion. Why can't these companies find just one person to speak to me on the phone?

Here's a recent conversation.

-  Your call is important to us. You are number 1,000,000 in the queue. Please hold.

Dirge funereal music to put me in the mood. Ten weeks later ...

-  Please press 1 if you are an existing customer. Press 2 if you wish to join us as a new customer. Press 3 if you wish to leave us. Press 4 if you have lost the will to live. Press 5 to hear these options again.

-  As an existing customer please type your account number followed by the # key.

-  17746358#

-  We do not recognise this account. Please type again followed by the # key.

-  17746385#

-  Welcome Victor S E Moubarak. Please speak clearly the nature of your enquiry.

-  YOU ... HAVE ... SENT ... THE ... WRONG ... SHOES ...

-  You wish to purchase a pair of shoes.

-  NO ... YOU ... SENT ... WRONG SHOES ...

-  You require red shoes.

-  NOOOOO ... YOU DEAF ***** !!!!

-  You wish to purchase Def Leppard music CD.

-  NO ... I ... WISH ... TO ... SPEAK ... TO ... A ... HUMAN ...

-  You wish to purchase hummus. This is mashed chickpeas blended with tahini, lemon juice, and garlic.

-  NO DAMMIT ... NOT HUMMUS ... NOT DEF LEPPARD ... SHOES .... SHOES ... WRONG .... SHOES ...

-  You have pressed 1 - your call is important to us. You are number 233,416 in the queue. Please hold.

NOTE: Does anyone wish to buy a pair of shoes? Female. One red. One green. One with high heel. One not high heel. One size 9. One size 11. Cost price £19.99 - I'll pay the postage!!!

25 comments:

  1. Dearest Victor,
    Yes, this is a very annoying thing nowadays!
    Courtesy seems to be out of the window as we once knew it... not longer important to all.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's always machines at the other end of the telephone. Pre-programmed machines.

      God bless, Mariette.

      Delete
  2. ...in most cases we now talk to computers, a nice personal touch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what I find annoying, Tom. And their voice-recognition feature is awful. As I've demonstrated in my example.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Very annoying. I find that if you are lucky enough to get a real person, they are no better. I got so annoyed one time, I hung up and called back and got another person. NO satisfaction guaranteed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right, Bill. The real persons are not always well-trained to deal with the problem. I sometimes get passed on to someone else in "technical support", whatever that is.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  4. Methinks customer service has gone the way of the dinosaurs. Nevertheless, your account is hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's bad voice-recognition which is irritating. The computer does not understand my accent. (Between you and me ... I change my accent with every question the computer asks. I answer in French accent ... then Italian ... Greek ... and so on. Confuses the computer no end. Then they put me on to a real person. You should try it, Mevely).

      God bless.

      Delete
  5. Oh that's most frustrating, we totally dislike those automated systems.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Those automated systems are a pain, Victor, but your humor here has lessened the blow. :)
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've got to see the funny side, Martha. See my reply to Mevely, above.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  7. So annoying and frustrating! Nice to see the funny side to it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They must lose business by behaving like this towards customers.

      God bless, Happyone.

      Delete
  8. I hate when I've been on hold for a long time with our state insurance agency ( Arizona, USA) about something, person answers asks a bunch of questions and then transfers me to someone else and be on hold again for a long time. But I'm try to be polite when my call is finally answered because after all, I'm a nice little old Christian lady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I understand, Regina. Sometimes it is so difficult to remain polite when we are treated so.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  9. I feel your pain. Mrs. C says to get an actual person just say "Representative." If that doesn't work I say it again really loud.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll try that, JoeH. I hope it works for me.

      God bless.

      Delete
  10. A couple of years ago I ran into a website that had the 'secret' way to get to a real person at many of the big companies. None of their tips worked. I'm sure as soon as word got out those companies changed their phone systems.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it is as if they don't want to communicate with real people.

      God bless, Kathy.

      Delete
  11. Since i spent over an hour today with customer service trying to get Bigger Girl's phone repaired, i understand.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I don't think anyone likes these automated phones. I am just so pleased on the very rare occasion that I phone an organisation and get straight through to a helpful human being:)

    All the best Jan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The thing is: automated phones don't need a salary, pension, holidays, time-off when they are ill etc ...

      God bless you, Jan.

      Delete

I PRAY FOR ALL WHO COMMENT HERE.

God bless you.