Monday 26 July 2021

On Stage

 

This is true. It really happened. Although I guess most of you will not believe me. I don't blame you really. I have difficulty believing it myself; although as I relate the story to you I might end up believing it.

I was in town, as you do from time to time. And I wanted to visit the bathroom. You know how it is. It starts with a wish, then a need then an urgent need. There was no fast food restaurant nearby. Normally fast-food restaurants are good placed to visit the toilet. You enter nonchalantly, pretending to buy something. You stand in the queue for a while. You look at your watch once or twice, then leave the queue and nip upstairs. Why do they always have the toilets upstairs? They don't discourage me, you know. 

Anyway, there was no fast-food restaurants in that part of town. The ironmonger was of no use. They don't have public toilets there. Neither does the butcher or the hairdresser. 

I was not far from the theatre. They're bound to have a toilet there. I stood outside for a while pretending to read the notice board. I entered the foyer and read the posters to see what's playing during the week. Then whilst no one was looking, especially the lady at the ticket kiosk, as she got distracted by a phone call I walked through a door on the left. Down a corridor, then another, and I found the toilet. 

On the way out, I must have lost my way, I took the wrong turning and I heard some noises of people talking. In order to avoid them I walked through some curtains and found myself on stage. There were some other people there in various costumes. They looked like ancient costumes like medieval perhaps or something like that. There was this fat woman wearing a helmet with horns singing. I stood there, not daring to move, hoping no one would notice. She continued singing. Another woman actor responded in song also. It was some sort of duet.

The audience noticed me and started tittering. Not outright laughter but short spasms of giggles. That's how I would describe it. Maybe my clothing did not fit in with the play they were performing.

One of the men on stage approached me casually, slowly so that the audience would not notice, and when he got near me he whispered from the side of his face, as you do, "**** off!"

How rude, I thought. Not customer friendly at all. I could have been a paying client who lost his way on the way back to his seat. I tried to go off stage the way I came in, but by then some actors had moved there, as part of the play they were performing no doubt, and blocked my way. 

"The other way!" whispered the rude actor.

I moved the other way and slipped on something on the floor. It was like a cloth, or some kind of shawl or cloak that an actor had dropped. I tripped and fell on my face to the ground. The audience roared with laughter as the curtain was brought down.

A couple of men grabbed me off stage. I pretended not to understand and spoke in a French accent, "Comment ... je ne comprends pas ... where eez zee way to zee audience seating place?"

They thought I was one of the spectators and politely led me to the main seating area where I found a seat. They did not bother to ask if I had a ticket. They were probably concerned that I may have hurt myself in the fall and would sue them in Court. I pretended to limp.

The play continued as the curtain went up again. I waited for an appropriate moment and slipped out of the theatre and took a bus home.

The problem is, now I've told you this, I'm not sure whether it happened or not.

21 comments:

  1. ...toilets are upstairs?

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    1. Yes ... a lot of fast food restaurants do this to discourage people who just come in for the toilets. Some department stores too.

      God bless, Tom.

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  2. Talk about stage fright! Funny and entertaining as always, Victor.
    Blessings!

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    1. At one point I did not realise it was a live show; I thought it was rehearsals.

      God bless, Martha.

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  3. Yep, when you gotta go you gotta go. I also know the feeling of 'not knowing' if you really 'know'!!
    Thanks for the smiles
    Sherry & jack

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    1. Half the time I don't know what I know or what I don't know and whether what I don't know is worth knowing or not.

      God bless, Jack and Sherry.

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  4. Dearest Victor,
    Oh, it can be quite an adventure when looking for a toilet and finding your way through the maze of alleys.
    So, you must have fallen really hard on your face if you're no longer sure IF this happened.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. I wrote this in case you were in the audience Mariette and you could tell me what happened. It's the theatre in town next to the big cinema; not the smaller cinema. A few yards from the church.

      God bless you.

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  5. I'm actually visualizing this and giggling my fool head off. Now I'm at the age where I make a point of learning the locations of all public restrooms within a 5 mi. radius!

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    1. What I usually do, Mevely, is go to town the day before I need to go to town and I measure whether I could hold on from leaving home to the location or shop I need to be at. This gives me an idea as to whether, on the day in question, I can have a coffee or soft drink before leaving home, or whether I should wait and have a drink in town in one of the restaurants or coffee shops that has a toilet. However, the however is important ... however, on that day I went to another part of town without having made a reconnaissance prior visit the day before. As it happens, the theatre did have a toilet, but I did not check if they served any drinks.

      I've re-read this comment and I'm now confused.

      God bless you, Mevely.

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    2. I believe you! I'll bet, from what you told us, that your scene was the best in the play. 😀 As always, blessings to you.

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    3. I can't even remember whether it really happened or whether I made the whole story up! Best wishes.

      God bless you Nells. Keep smiling.

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  6. Anyone else I would say they made it up, BUT I'm sure it happened to you. :)

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    1. I'm not as sure as you on this.

      God bless, Happyone.

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  7. Whether or not it actually happened, your escapades make for an interesting story.

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    1. Something worthy to write a blog post about perhaps.

      God bless you, Kathy.

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  8. Perhaps it was all just a dream, sometimes dreams can seem very real.

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    1. Now that is a good point worth considering. Dreams and reality, fact and fiction; so often confused.

      God bless, River.

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  9. Who knows what happened? Whether it did or not, you got a good story out of it!

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    1. That's what happens to me all the time; I guess!!!

      God bless, Mimi.

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