Tuesday 6 July 2021

Tarzan

 

I was watching an old Tarzan film the other day. You don't often get Tarzan films on TV or the cinema these days. I wonder why. This was an old VHS tape which a friend had transferred to DVD.

Anyway, I was watching it and then it suddenly struck me. I saw something I'd never seen before. Maybe it was that second bottle of whisky that did it. It clears the mind, you know. It makes you think clearly and clears the mind. Helps you concentrate.

I read somewhere that people who do delicate intricate work, like doctors performing delicate operations, scientists working on very accurate to the nth degree work, or people driving machinery; they all have a tot or two of whisky before work to help them concentrate.

A friend of mine who drives a crane on a demolition site always has whisky before work. He swears by it. He is also a Wedding Planner in his spare time. As a special offer he also arranges divorces at the same time.

But I digress, as I often do with whisky. 

I was watching Tarzan and then I had this original thought. When Tom Hanks was stranded on a desert island on that film Cast Away he soon grew a beard.

How come Tarzan never grew a beard? Did he perhaps have an electric shaver? And if so, was it battery operated? Because there is no electricity in the jungle. And where did he buy new batteries from, since he could hardly re-charge the batteries with no electricity?

I took another swig of whisky and had another original thought.

Tarzan is supposed to have been brought up as a baby in the jungle by monkeys. Chimpanzees, I think. Or was it gorillas? I don't know. I don't care. I don't think it matters overall when you're drinking whisky.

But it matters to my original thought. At what point as he grew up did he realise he needed some pants to cover his lower regions? I mean ... the monkeys were naked. So were the hippos, crocodiles, lions and everyone else. He was a baby at the time. As he grew up; where did he get the idea to wear pants? And where did he buy them from? The internet?

I think the film would have been more authentic if he was totally naked. Can you envisage it? Swinging from tree to tree totally nude with his bits swinging in the air.

Jane would look at him and say, "Oh my ... I don't know where to look!" But she'd look anyway to check the small details.

I think Tarzan missed a marketing trick by not being naked. His films would have been much more popular than they are now.

I took another drink of whisky and imagined a conversation between Tarzan and Jane.

What do you think they'd say when they first meet? Don't be shy. Let us know how you imagine the first conversation between those two went. It could be part of a new script for a re-make of the film. Who should play the role of Tarzan do you think?

28 comments:

  1. ...another drink of whisky will do things, but not always good things.

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  2. Dearest Victor,
    Haha, not the BEST script you invented so far and above all not that whisky drinking part!
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. The other day I was watching a film called The Sound of Music. At the end, I saw it all clearly; I realised I had wasted two hours of my life never to be regained again. There was this woman called Andy Williams, (or was it Andy Andrews?) singing Idle Vice, Chitty Chitty something and Spercalifragilistic something. It was all nonsense. The whisky tasted nice though.

      God bless, Mariette.

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  3. Hahahaha! Because I no longer keep up with the who's who of Hollywood talent (?), I've no suggestions. Unless! What about a re-write featuring Tarzan and Jane in their golden years. Easier to identify with for some of us. 😏

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    1. Good idea, Mevely. Tarzan and Jane in their seventies going shopping at the supermarket. I'll start writing straight-away.

      God bless you.

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  4. I hear, "What are you and where did you come from?"
    I'm reminded of the man on an island who hated women. The son was 16 when he saw his first girl. "What is that dad?" "That is a duck!"
    Son,"I want one!"
    Yeah, good question, why didn't the dude have a beard?
    Enjoyed the visit, try to be good!
    Sherry & jack

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    1. I like it ... "I want one!"

      Sometimes when we see old films we notice something we never saw before. I like old films though. Westerns especially.

      God bless, Jack and Sherry.

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  5. PS: Please put the bottle back on the shelf!!!

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  6. Are you heading to Whiskey a GO GO. There might be some actors in the area that will want to play Tarzan. :)

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    1. Great idea, Bill. I wonder who'd like a part in the new film.

      God bless always.

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  7. I'm not going there, Victor! Oh, and I'll take a glass of Cabernet.
    Blessings!

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    1. I've never tried wine whilst watching TV. I wonder how that would affect me.

      God bless, Martha.

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  8. Not being a Tarzan fan, I find that I'm at a loss as to his and Jane’s first meeting conversation, however; I believe one of the three stooges would have been a good Tarzan. Lol. God Bless.

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    1. BT W, We will be traveling for the next two weeks. I will catch your blog when we return.

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    2. Yes, I remember the Three Stooges, Nells. Good cvhoice.

      Bon voyage and au revoir. Safe travel. See you back here soon.

      God bless.

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  9. Yes, I think he would have had a beard. :) The pants - maybe he had an accident or two and decided to wear something to protect himself!

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    1. Good point Happyone. Perhaps he bought them on the Internet.

      God bless.

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  10. Hmmm, now i know why i wasn't much interested in Tarzan, too unrealistic.

    Tarzan and Jane couldn't have had a conversation the first time they met, Tarzan didn't speak English yet, just gorilla.

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    1. That's true, Mimi. I'd forgotten Tarzan did not speak English. It must have been easy remembering the script to the film. Nothing to say apart from screaming as he swung from tree to tree.

      God bless.

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  11. Interesting question, I hab some wipskry in orderd to consecrate. tarzin wud jes say Me be Tarsam you b jadn?

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    1. You'd make a great drinking friend if we ever met, JoeH. I hope you like beer too.

      God bless always.

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  12. It was gorillas and you make a good point about the lack of beard, another about the loin cloth, although he might have thought of that himself after getting chafed climbing around in the trees.

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    1. Good point, River. It must have been uncomfortable, especially near any prickly plants. Do they have nettles and cactus in the jungle?

      God bless you.

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  13. Those are definitely some serious plot holes.

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