Thursday 22 July 2021

What's been happening here lately?

 

Lots of small things have been happening here lately which, put together, amount to lots of small things. They're worth mentioning I suppose, seeing I have nothing else to write about.

My friend, who will remain nameless to protect his identity, was arrested by the police last week. Alan Stephen, (he spells his surname with a PH because he's a bit acidic), was speeding down the motorway. Or was it up the motorway? What's the difference?

Anyway, he was speeding at the speed of dark, which is a bit slower than the speed of light, but still too fast for the motorway. The police chased him up. Siren blaring. Blue lights flashing. But he still drove faster than before.

Eventually he stopped and the policeman asked him, "Did you not see the lights flashing and hear the siren?"

"That I did!" said Acidic Alan. 

"Why did you not stop?" asked the policeman.

"Well you see," said my friend, "I have ... a police record."

"Really?" the policeman said.

"Yes ... message in a bottle ... by Sting!" Stephen said, "I've never understood why that singer has a name like a wasp's backside!"

The policeman was not amused. So Stephen thought he'd better be serious. He explained, "you see, officer ... I did see the flashing lights and hear the siren. Fifteen years ago my wife left me and ran off with a policeman. When I saw you chasing me I thought you were returning her!"

"I want your name!" said the policeman.

"Why do you want to be called Alan Stephen?" asked my friend.

And that's when he got arrested. To be honest, he's always been a tearaway. He came from a broken family and his parents never really loved him. He used to come home from school and find that they had moved ... to another country. He never knew what it felt like to be wanted until he saw his photo on a police notice board.

Then somehow as he grew up he settled down a bit. But he was always very lazy. No job lasted very long. He was so lazy that he married someone already pregnant.

When he divorced her, fifteen years go, they had an unusual financial settlement regarding the house. She kept the inside and he kept the outside. That's when I met him. At the homeless shelter. I was volunteering at the time. 

If you have time, you can read the story about my volunteering work HERE. Really worth it! 

Anyway, the police let him off with a caution and penalty points on his driving licence.

20 comments:

  1. ...I'm glad that Alan Stephen with a ph remained nameless!

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  2. "He married somebody already pregnant" ... hahaha!
    Poor Alan. (Or should I say, poor Police Officer?) As ever, thanks for the smiles this morning. I'm headed over to your volunteer post in just a minute.

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    1. I'm so glad I made you smile, Mevely. I was concerned some people might take exception to this joke. You saved me! Thanx.

      God bless you.

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  3. Enjoyed the post, smile at your wit and learned about the speed of DARK. I think that is my speed!!!
    Love sent from the first coast of the USA!
    Sherry & jack

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    1. Thank you for your smiles and love from the USA, Jack and Sherry. It is always a pleasure to see you visiting here. Hope you're well.

      Love and prayers from me to you. God bless.

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  4. Dearest Victor,
    At times it does not make sense what the police is chasing after and yet the serious crimes get away...?!
    Looked back at the previous post, missed that and it is because of my Dad's recent passing and catching up on our 28 days being gone to Europe. So glad I followed my gut feeling for going and seeing Dad one more time (many times we visited before going on our Viking Donau Cruise...). I said my goodbye and the other six siblings never did. We all should live day by day and be cautious.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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  5. Danube Cruise... shifting languages works funny at times! SORRY

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    1. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad passing away, Mariette. Please accept my sincerest condolences. Praying for you all.

      God bless.

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    2. Victor, that was about your previous post from July 15, 2019... Dad is already 2 years in heaven!

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  6. Once I was stopped by a policeman for speeding because I was late for work. He asked if I was aware of doing 65 in a 35-mile zone. I sweetly replied that he should go chase real criminals and leave us little old ladies alone. He was NOT amused and wrote me a ticket. Argh! Have a great day and be blessed.

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    1. You've really got some courage, Nells, to talk to the policeman like that. At least you did not get penalty points on your driving licence.

      God bless.

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  7. Driving at the speed of dark? Good one, Victor! Acedic Alan's wild ride, just like Mr. Toad.
    Blessings!

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    1. Yep ... and he got caught by the police.

      God bless, Martha.

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  8. I just smile and say sorry - I've yet to get a ticket! :) Hope I don't get one tomorrow now that I said that!!

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  9. The policeman must have been in a good mood to let him off like that.

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  10. He was very fortunate, they could have thrown the book at him, and if it's a very thick book, that can hurt!

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    1. You're right. And without his dictionary he wouldn't have a word in his defence.

      God bless, Mimi.

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