Allo ... Allo ...

 

Years ago, when I worked in London, I had a cell-phone with two numbers. One for personal calls and one for business ones. The ring-tones were different so when the phone rang I could tell if the caller was personal or a business call. Also, when I left my office in London, all my business calls were transferred automatically to my cell-phone so I was available 24/7 in case something important needed my attention.

In those days, (and sometimes even now), when in  a good mood, I like to answer my personal calls in a foreign accent - French, Italian or whatever.

I was on a train heading North and I had a business call. Impetuously, and without thinking, I answered the call in a French accent.

"Allo ..." I said, "who eez eet zat eez zee speaking?"

Unfortunately, and coincidentally, it was a French client. We did business all over the world!

"Who eez zees?" asked the French female voice.

"Eet eez mee," I answered not realising it was a business call and I should act more grown up.

"Are you zee taking zee mockery of my French accent?" she asked.

"Non ... pas du tout," I said, "I spoke weez zee French accent first, so eet eez you who eez taking zee mockery of me!" I had to continue the pretence; I could hardly admit to a potential client that I was deliberately speaking in an accent. "Who eez eet you are?" I asked still in character. (Cinema producers please note - I am available for various roles.)

"Eet eez Evette!" she replied.

"A vet?" I asked, "eet eez interesting to be a vet, n'est-ce pas?"

"I am not a vet," she said angrily, "I work with Anette!"

"I see ..." I continued, whilst the other train passengers were getting more interested in my conversation, so now I had to continue in French, "I see ... a vet weez a net ... eez zat to catch zee butterflies or zee fish?

"Not zee fish ..." she said, "Anette eez zee woman."

"Je comprends," I said, "a woman fish, over ere in zee England wee call zem mermaids! You are a vet and you 'ave zee mermaid. Zees eez veree amazing!"

She hung up on me. Some clients are very rude don't you think? I mean ... I was trying "zee" best to help her.

But the story does not end there. A few moments later the phone rang again. It was another business  call; so I answered it politely in my normal English accent. The other passengers were amazed at how quickly I integrated into society and got an English accent.