Going up

 

We went to mom-in-law to celebrate her birthday. I did not know what to get her as a present. I thought, seeing we'd all be outside in the garden enjoying a barbecue and no doubt jumping and swimming in her swimming pool in the garden; why not get her something we could all enjoy.

.

A TRAMPOLINE

 

I bought her a trampoline. My wife did not think it was appropriate for someone her mom's age; but hey ... why not? You are as young as you feel your age; or whatever the saying is.

She had a nice barbecue ready with sausages, burgers and steaks. By the way, as an aside, I once had elephant steak. Have you ever had elephant steak? You'll never forget!

I set up the trampoline in the garden and the children quickly had a go at bouncing up and down. To her credit, so did mom-in-law. She got out of the swimming pool and decided to try out her new toy which I got her. She is such a short lady. So short that her feet don't reach the ground.

I had to pick her up and lift her onto the trampoline. Once there she started bouncing higher and higher and somersaulting as she did so. She got up so high that her bikini bra got caught up in the branches of the nearby tree. She just hung there like an ornament on a Christmas tree. We did not know what to do. I was concerned in case the bra strap broke and she'd come tumbling down and break the trampoline. 

It reminded of the occasion years ago when I learnt magic and had practised levitation. I got her to lie down on her back on the dinner table and magically levitated her. She floated up slowly until she reached the ceiling. Unfortunately, once she reached there I could not get her down again. She remained up there in a lying down position with her nose touching the ceiling. It was embarrassing with gravity doing its bit with her dress hanging down revealing her undergarments.

 

In my panic I forgot the magic word to bring her down again and I was afraid she might suddenly drop with a bump and break the table.

 

I asked her to float slowly down but nothing happened. She remained up there, nose to ceiling. The trick had gone wrong.

She began to panic. I stood on the table and tried to get hold of her legs to get her down. I could not reach her. I suggested that I carried her friend, Matilda, on my shoulders and I got on the table so Matilda could pull her down. Matilda, who is in her late sixties, agreed readily and tucked her dress into her underpants, ready to be lifted by me.

I tried lifting Matilda as she put her legs round my neck. She was far too heavy for me. We gave up the attempt as a bad job.

Someone suggested we call the fire-brigade. They have long ladders. Mom-in-law refused. She was too embarrassed to float up there in the presence of strangers.

After thirty minutes or more of various discussions and suggestions, we noticed that she had floated down a few inches from the ceiling. Ten minutes later she floated down some more. And a bit more again. It was like a party balloon slowly losing the air within and floating down. Ever so slowly until, all by herself she came down to lie on the table as before.
 

This time it was no different. Mom-in-law was stuck up a tree. If she fell down she'd break the trampoline for sure. I did the only obvious thing and moved the trampoline away.

 

My wife got angry shouting at me to get her down. I explained that bra straps these days are made of very strong material and are unlikely to break - polyester I believe! This did not appease my wife.

We got a long step ladder from the garage and I was volunteered against my will and better nature to get up there and get mom-in-law down. It was not a pleasant experience. Going up there and holding on to her legs whilst I tried to untangle her bra from the tree branch. What if I fell? There was no trampoline down there to soften my fall. 

 

Anyway, I got the bra strap off the tree branch. She sat on my shoulders, and I slowly step by step got her down to terra-firma.

This is me and father-in-law enjoying bouncing on the trampoline. He did not want to go up the ladder to get his wife down because he was minding the barbecue at the time. No one likes burnt food!