Friday, 17 October 2025

Hello Father ...

 

Hello ... is this St Vincent Church?

I would like to speak to Father Donald please ... ...

Not Father Mark ... he is a little frightening at times ... I find him intimida ... ...

Oh it's you Father Mark !!! Hello ...

Ehm ... I'm sorry about what I said just then ... Will I need to confess it as a sin? No ... oh good ...

Well ... what I wondered is ... ... you know your housekeeper ... Yes ... Mrs Nightingale ... yes ... well ... do you think she has my sausages?

My sausages! You see, I am at home cooking breakfast ... fried eggs and bacon with baked beans and no sausages ...

Yes ... I have no sausages ... and I wondered if Mrs Nightingale had them and cooked them for you and Father Donald for breakfast?

I was at the butcher this morning ... you see ... Ivor Funnybone ... do you know them?

They are in the High Street next to the pub The Drunken Bishop ... ...

Yes ... I'm about to get to the point ... don't intimidate me please! It makes me worried when you shout ... 

OK ... yes ... I have calmed down.

Well ... the butcher ... he makes lovely pork sausages ... chipolatas. That's the name of the sausages ... Have you ever tried them?

Yes ... I'm getting there ... Well ... I got half a pound of chipolatas and then on my way home I came in the Church.

I sat at the back ... and it was about the end of the Mass. Is it a sin to come at the end of the Mass rather than the beginning?

Well ... I stayed there and said a prayer whilst the two or three people in church went home ... then I left too.

When I got home I did not have my chipolatas ... I may have left them on the pew ... the last one at the back on the left.

Well ... I thought perhaps Mrs Nightingale may have found them when she was cleaning the church and fed them to you and Father Donald?

Why are you angry with me, Father? I was only asking ... ...

OK ... after I have had my breakfast ... without the chipolatas ... I'll come over to church and ask Mrs Nightingale if she found them.

Will you be there? No? You'll be out? For how long? I thought I'd say "hello" whilst I'm there ... You'll be out for a month?  OK ... I'll say "hello" now then ... and "goodbye!"

I hope you are not angry with me, Father ... Father ... He's hung up!

4 comments:

  1. The Drunken Bishop . . . How much penance did your priest give you for this hilarious story, Victor? Love it! Blessings!

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  2. I am amazed out how many of these fun stories you have stored in your head. You know...now days this could easily be a true story!! I have to really read between the lines to figure out which story is true or not!! I do have fun visiting here each day Victor.

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  3. Folks probably have phone calls to me, from me just as confusing. THANKS love from our back yard...

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