Children's Homilies

 

 

AN IDEA FOR A

CHRISTMAS PRESENT

FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE 

 

AMAZON LINK

 

.

 

How do you love me?

But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father in heaven. Matthew 10:33

Do you believe in God? YES/NO

If YES - what is so clever about that? Even the devil believes in God. In fact he knows God because he met Him face to face; he even rebelled against Him.

So, you say you believe in God. How do you believe in God? Is saying you believe in Him enough? Is praying to God enough? 

Let's ask the question another way. Do you love God?

You know what's coming next - How do you love God?

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. Whoever welcomes you welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. Whoever welcomes a prophet in the name of a prophet will receive a prophet's reward; and whoever welcomes a righteous person in the name of a righteous person will receive the reward of the righteous; and whoever gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones in the name of a Disciple, truly I tell you, none of these will lose their reward.” Matthew 10:37-42.

You might need to read this passage more than once for it to make sense. 

On first reading, this looks as if God, or Jesus, is selfish and demands that we love Him more than anyone or anything else.

But I don't think this is what Jesus meant here. Remember, He was talking to His contemporaries who understood what He was saying, and the nuances and figures of speech of the time.

I think what Jesus is teaching here is that love of parents, offspring, or even love of life itself is a sacred mission as created by God. It is our duty, obligation even, to love our parents, spouses, children and ‘neighbours’.

It should not be a burden.

Let me explain.

When you were young you were probably given tasks to do by your parents. Like helping clear the table after meals, or making your bed, or cleaning your room. You probably did these tasks as a duty. As a commitment. Probably with gritted teeth and obedience.

Or did you do it out of love?

What Jesus is teaching here is that our love for Him should not be a burden or a commitment. But it should be a joy. We should be glad to have the opportunity to love God.

Let me say this important bit again: We should be glad to have the opportunity to love God.

Before His crucifixion Peter denied Jesus three times.

After the Resurrection, when Jesus met the Disciples by the lake, He asked Peter "do you love me?" three times. One for each time Peter denied Him. To reinforce the point that to love Jesus (and God) is a privilege we should enter into willingly, joyfully and happily - as well as obeying His Commandment to do so.

By "loving" Jesus in here it means having full confidence in Him. Being sure of Who He is, the Son of God; and acknowledging what He has done for us and continues to do. 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Matthew 22:37.

Thinking aloud

 

Thinking out loud.

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don't really care any more. 

I thought ... If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but it is still fat.

A rabbit runs, hops lives outdoors most of its life and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run, lazes about and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.

10. Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.

11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

16. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

17.  ...

18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 

19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

20. Have I blogged all this before or did I read it in your blog?

Oh ... before I go ... I just remembered to tell you about something I am doing you might want to tell others about. I have started locally a Dial-a-Prayer service for atheists. You call up the phone number and it rings and rings and rings but nobody answers.

Thank you Lord

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

TO

ALL OUR READERS

GOD BLESS

 *******

Thank you for the flowers that grow in blossoms on the trees

Old familiar faces that I'm always glad to see

Comic strips and fish and chips and people who like me

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for all the creatures from the mouse to kangaroo

Lambs and spreading birds that fly across the skies so blue

If we took a closer look we'd learn a thing or two

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Gratitude is a simple debt that anyone can pay

Thank you is two little words that go a long long way

So however busy, help me find the time to say

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for the happy songs that bounce inside my ears

Something clicking something picking the songs I love to hear

Spinning tops and busy shops with Christmas drawing near

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

 

Thank you for your only Son who hung upon the tree

Dying so that we might live for all eternity

It's not much in return but Lord for what you did for me

Thank you Lord Thank you Lord

NOTE: This song was played by me on my radio program many years ago. Unfortunately all I have is the tape of that program. Can anyone please help identify the singer or the song and when it was recorded?

Many thanx. God bless.

Hello ... Hello ...

 

Hello ... Hello ... God?

God ... are you there?

Please pick up ... pick up ... don't put me on the answering machine!

Hello ... is that God? 

Hi ... I have called to say ... thank you!

MORAL: Be patient. Be thankful.

A new venture

 

A thought has been buzzing round my mind for the last few days. I'd like your honest opinions please.

We all have a responsibility to spread our Christian beliefs and faith; not just by the way we live but also by other means as best as possible. We cannot all be preachers, standing at street corners handing out leaflets, or knocking from door to door. But there is another way.

The Internet is a marvellous channel which can reach many people far and wide throughout the world.

The world is becoming more and more secular. Many people have turned their back on their Creator or do not know Him at all. 

Here's what I have in mind. 

What if we were to create a Blog dedicated solely to Christian articles? No humour, no food recipes, travels, gardening or such articles. Just Christian articles written by you. Yes you.

The articles could be about your experiences, when and how you met God in your life. Or about a passage from the Bible that speaks to you, or a hymn/song and its meaning to you, or anything that is Christian-based which would encourage and uplift someone who does not know God or has turned his back on Him. 

How will it work? 

I'll get someone to design the Blog for us. Suggested title: CHRISTIAN FOCUS. What do you think? 

Contributors will send their articles by email to enquiries@holyvisions.co.uk (my office). 

All that is needed is a short article every now and then; perhaps explaining a Bible text, or why a certain reading or story appeals to you or has helped you. 

You Tube videos also acceptable, or book recommendations, or even articles that have already appeared on your Blog. You could also discuss various points regarding Christianity and beliefs and how this affects our lives.

We would need about a dozen people to commit to submitting articles. This is to ensure a variety of input and to avoid a few people monopolising the conversation. 

The articles will then be published on the CHRISTIAN FOCUS blog, with your name and a link to your Blog if you wish. 

You can visit any time to check what viewers are saying and respond very much as you do now on any Blogger blog. 

Here's what would be involved. Please answer these questions honestly:

1    Do you think a Blog devoted purely to Christian articles is a good idea?

2    Would you commit to contributing about one article a month? (More is acceptable).

3    Would you be able to invite people you know (e.g. your pastor) to contribute articles every so often? Occasional articles from your friends/relatives etc ... would be welcome and contributors do not need to be members of Blogger. Articles would be sent via yourself by email. 

4    Would you be able to promote the Blog and send links to people you know who would benefit from visiting it? This is essential if we are to spread the Word to a larger audience.  

5    Would you promote/advertise the Blog on your own Blog every now and then? Also on other social media like FB, X, Instagram etc ...

Here's how we envisage the project to work.  

1    I'll get someone to design the Blog and also receive contributions from all writers via email.

2    The articles will be published on the website with your name - and if you wish a link to your Blog will be added.

3    Photos/pictures can be submitted or if you wish I shall add these to fit in with your article subject.

Please let us have your views and suggestions either in the comments box below or by writing privately to my office at: enquiries@holyvisions.co.uk

Thank you and God bless.

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A night at the Opera

 

I was taken to the Opera against my better judgement. We were sitting in one of those private balcony seats watching a lot of people on stage shouting at each other in song and walking about as if they’re constipated.

I've never understood opera, and after that performance I understood it even less.

In order to educate myself in one easy lesson I quickly read the brochure we were given at the entrance to find out how many intervals there were, and whether this theatre had a bar or not.

I read the summary of the plot of this play, or musical, or whatever it was that we were watching.

Now please pay attention. This is quite complicated.

Apparently there's this fellow called Gelato. He's the one with tight trousers and a squeaky voice as if his ... are caught in a bear trap. 

 

He is a knight and he loves the lovely Princess Miranda.

One day as Gelato was riding through the forest on his way to visit Miranda he bumps his head against a low lying branch from a tree and falls unconscious from his horse. 

Gelato is later found dazed in the forest by a young and beautiful peasant girl called Amnesia. She takes him home to her lover Memorandum. 

 

She and her lover look after the squeaky Gelato and nurse him back to health. But sadly, his forest experience has wiped his memory of the love of his life, Princess Miranda. He now has eyes only for Amnesia ... no wonder he's so forgetful.

Amnesia is confused and doesn't know who to love more. Her faithful Memorandum who stood by her all this time, or the forgetful Gelato who has declared undying love for her but doesn't even know who he is.

Meanwhile, Princess Miranda back at her palace, not having seen her squeaky knight for such a long time, presumes him dead; eaten by a vegetarian dragon; and feels that her love for her Gelato is cooling off as each night passes.

So she gives up hope of ever finding a knight with whom to spend a night.

Eventually, she falls in love with a restaurant waiter called Risotto. Their love develops into a recipe for happiness ever after. 

 

Princess Miranda decides to marry Risotto.

On the day she was to marry Risotto, the waiter, she invites the whole town to the palace and ... as it happens ... Gelato the forgetful knight, Amnesia his peasant girlfriend, and Memorandum who originally loved Amnesia, all attend the wedding at the palace.

The music rises to a crescendo. (That's Italian for a gradual increase in loudness in a piece of music; and not the name of another character in this opera. Please pay attention!)

On one side of the stage stands Princess Miranda with her beloved waiter Risotto whom she is about to marry.

On the other side of the stage stands the dazed forgetful knight Gelato with the squeaky voice, also his newly beloved peasant girl Amnesia, and her previous lover Memorandum.

In the middle of the stage is a crowd representing the whole town folk singing in unison something in Italian which I do not understand. Hopefully, it is the menu of the restaurant we are due to visit later after the show.

Upon seeing Gelato, Princess Miranda recognises her previous lover she thought was dead and falls in love with him all over again, (fickle or what?)

She pushes her Risotto to one side. I don't blame her though ... a Risotto isn't much fun when you have Gelato on the menu; is it?

Anyway ... somehow, on seeing Miranda, Gelato suddenly regains his memory and declares his undying love for his Princess. After all, better marry a rich Princess than a pauper like Amnesia ... what?

Amnesia is beside herself with indignation and embarrassment that she forgets her lines and waits for the prompter to help her. 

Anyway, Amnesia now turns to her former lover Memorandum for affection and forgiveness and a bit of a cuddle and hugs and ... (It's always good to have a fall back Plan B, don't you think?)

However, Memorandum is now rather angry at having been spurned by Amnesia that he turns his amourous glances towards Risotto. 

WHAT? I never expected that; did you? 

By now I was totally confused and getting rather hungry. 

As you would expect in any good opera; an argument erupts between Princess Miranda and Gelato the squeaky knight on one side, and Amnesia the peasant, her ex Memorandum and the side-lined Risotto the waiter on the other side.

They all break out into song each out-crying each other louder and louder.

At one point a chorus of about thirty people standing in the middle of  the stage join in the screaming as if their lives depended on it.

"Do you love me?" screams Princess Miranda in Italian. "Mi ami?" she sings at the top of her voice.

"Ti amo. Ti amo. Tu mi ami?" responds the handsome squeaky knight Gelato even louder. Those pants he's wearing are truly tight.

"Mi ami? Mi ami? Mi ami?" Amnesia and Memorandum ask each other over and again accompanied by the choir of thirty or so town folks.

"Ti amo. Mi ami?" scream Miranda and Gelato.

"Doesn't anybody love me?" screams the side-lined waiter Risotto who feels rejected like a half-eaten meal.

At this point a duel breaks out between the knight Gelato and the waiter Risotto. I can't quite make out the reason for this duel. But apparently you must have one in each opera. 

Gelato uses his sword and shield whilst Risotto uses his serving tray as a shield and an Italian bread-stick as a sword. He also keeps throwing bits of mozzarella at Gelato. 

At one point in this duel accompanied by a crescendo of music and singing, Gelato is hit in the eye by Risotto's Italian bread-stick.

Gelato falls to the ground holding his chest and singing ever so loudly.

“Son morto … son morto …” which means I am dead.

Instead of calling for an ambulance and taking him to the ER room at the hospital; the rest of the cast, including the chorus, join in the singing.

The more they sang, the more Gelato screamed "son morto" still holding his chest although technically I clearly saw he was hit with the Italian bread-stick in the eye.

Suddenly Risotto breaks into the finale song ...

"Mangerò Mangerò Mangerò ..." he sings " All'alba Mangeeeeeeeeeeròòòòòòòòòòò !!!!!!!!" 

(Caruso and Pavarotti would have been proud of him. But they were not there that evening).

The audience stood up on its feet to rapturous applause which lasted until the fat lady stopped singing.

HELP

 

"HELP" is the sincerest prayer we can say.

It proves that we believe there is

Someone there listening to us.

It reinforces our faith. 

.

Thank you Mevely for suggesting this song

to me a few days ago in the comments box.

God bless you. 

Did you know?

 

DID YOU KNOW?

 

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Christian Novels, Short Stories, Inspirationals, Devotionals and Humour.

 

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... Even though.

 

I'm sure you remember the song "I don't know how to love Him" written by Andrew Lloyd Webber from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar.

As Christians, we claim that we love God, and we love Jesus. But HOW do we love Him? 

It is easy of course to say that we love God when everything is going well in our lives. But is that love still there with the same intensity when things go wrong?

All of us will experience difficult times at one stage or another; and it could be in many forms - health issues, financial problems, relationships, loss of a loved one or whatever. How do we react then?

Do we feel abandoned and neglected by the One we promised to love and serve?

Or do we continue to love Him even though ... even though we are facing a crisis in our life?

I think that's the kind of love that matters most. The "even though" love. Because the "even though" love reaffirms our trust and our faith in our Lord. 

By continuing to pray and to trust Him we are reinforcing our belief that He exists. That He lives and that He listens and that He cares for us.   

Even in the deepest depth of our despair, if we continue to pray it underlines our beliefs and our faith. It proves that we are not just talking to ourselves but that we truly believe God is listening.

Our prayers are a testament of our love. And if we are in any doubt, let us look at the Cross.

He gave up His life for us. He freely agreed to undergo all the pain and torture of the Crucifixion for us. 

Even though He had His doubts when praying in the garden before His arrest, even though He felt abandoned when hanging on the Cross, He accepted it all for us.

Christ's love for us was an "even though" love. Are we prepared to love Him and trust Him even though we are facing difficult times?

The Worry Bank

 

Imagine a place where you can go and discuss all your worries. Whatever you are worrying about, financial issues, health, relationships, or whatever else; you go to this place and discuss what's on your mind and they take all your worries away.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I suppose the slogan on the door of this place would be "WE WORRY SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO".

Can you imagine such a place? You go there and all your worries are taken away for ever.  

I thought about this place for a while, then this occurred to me:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Taking Nutty out

 

We have a pet squirrel called Nutty. We didn't buy him from a pet shop or a rescue centre; he is just a wild animal and he made himself our pet. He arrived in the back garden one day to eat the nuts from the bird table and has been visiting ever since. We called him Nutty.

He is so tame that he comes close for us to gently stroke his head and feed him from our hand. He also follows me everywhere in the garden. Over time, I trained him to follow me as I go out to the newsagent to get my morning papers. I walk down the lane and he follows a few feet behind all the way to the shops and back.

The other day he climbed up a tree and sat there for a while. I was concerned in case he gets lost and can't find his way back home, so I stood by the tree waiting. 

Moments later, Madame Malaprop came down the lane and recognised me. She is an elderly neighbour of French origin living a few houses away. She probably thought the worst of me seeing me there beside a tree !!!

She looked me up and down saying nothing at first. I smiled politely and said, "I am exercising my squirrel!"

She must have misunderstood me because she cried, "Oh ... mon Dieu!!!" and started coughing violently all of a sudden.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"I am shocking ..." she cried amongst coughs and splutters, "shocking!"

"There's no need to be shocked," I defended myself, "I was doing nothing improper by the tree!"

At which point she collapsed on the ground.

I picked up my cell-phone and phoned for an ambulance. "I' am at Chrysanthemums Gardens," I said, "an old lady has just collapsed in the street and is choking!"

"How do you spell that?" the operator asked.

How do I know how to spell it? I'm too far away from the road sign to go there and read it. The old woman will probably die by then. 

There was only one thing to do. I grabbed her by the neck and dragged her all the way to the end of the road and then I said, "I am at Oak Street. That's O ... A ... K ... !!!" 

*****  

The dragging must have done the trick. Madame Malaprop got up; slapped me hard in the face, and walked away without saying a word.

At which time the ambulance arrived. I had a hard time explaining to the first responders that that woman over there was chocking just a few moments earlier. And that I had lost my squirrel.

Will we ever see Nutty again? 

No weddings and two funerals

 

Funerals aren't much fun. Especially when there's no WiFi reception in church and I cannot get the football game on my cell-phone. 

I had to attend the funeral of someone in our church choir. His name was Phil R Moniker. (I'm good at making up names, don't you think?)

There was a lot of crying and sadness. At one point one of the church assistants was swinging the incense burner thing a little enthusiastically and hit an elderly lady in the face. She started crying and wailing and no one knew whether it was because of the pain or whether she was grieving Phil's departure.

Eventually, Phil left for the cemetery, followed by a procession of cars filled with mourners.

I knew a short-cut, so I took a turning to the left and went via the out-of-town route. Unfortunately I got caught in heavy traffic and by the time I got to the cemetery a number of people were standing around the grave.

The coffin had already been lowered into the ground and the vicar present ended his prayers with "May she rest in Peace".

"She?" I thought. Is there something about Phil R Moniker that I do not know? 

I was so busy analysing what I just heard that I did not notice that this was a totally different vicar conducting the proceedings. Also, the mourners were different to the one's in church half-an-hour earlier. 

In my haste to get to the cemetery I had totally lost the plot! (Clever pun, don't you think?)

I was at the cemetery North of town instead of the one near the motorway.

I was about to retreat discreetly when I was approached by one of the mourners.

"She'll be really missed!" he said.

"Yes ... very much so," I said unconvincingly.

"Did you know her well?" he asked.

"Ehm ... years ago ... when I worked in London ... haven't seen her since," I lied so convincingly that I almost believed it.

"Really?" he said raising an eyebrow, "I did not know she lived in London. She said she hated it so much. Too busy, she said!"

"That's probably why she left," I lied to myself and to him once more, "too many people in London ... so busy!"

"It's tragic, the way she died," he continued as we were making our way out of the cemetery.

Now I was in real trouble. What do I say? I don't even know her name, never mind how she died. I remained silent. He continued after a few seconds.

"Knitting whilst sitting on the toilet!" he lamented.

I made some excuse about a meeting I had to be at and jumped in my car in a hurry! 

Opera

 

 Take it from me. Opera singing is easy. Anyone can do it. 

I know I can ...

Aria from Act I from Bizet's "Carmen." "L'amour est un oiseau rebelle." Habanera

Don't be fooled

 

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT  

Listen up people ... DON'T BE FOOLED.

You do not need expensive music lessons to be an orchestra conductor. All you need is a small stick or knitting needle which you wave in the air haphazardly. See video below. 

Woooh ... Wooooh ...

 

Today's Q&A is about ghosts. But before we start, here are some thoughts to ponder.

Why is it that ghosts are often dressed in old mediaeval type clothes and appear in old castles and buildings?  

Has there ever been a ghost seen in a modern building dressed in a modern fashionable suit? Has there been a ghost in the frozen food aisle of the local supermarket? That should send a chill down one's spine. What did the ghost look like? A person or a frozen turkey left over from last Christmas or Thanksgiving? Or was it the ghost of a frozen leg of lamb?

Are ghosts only human or has there ever been animal ghosts? If so, what animals? Has there ever been a ghost of a cockroach? Probably killed in a TV episode of Murder She Roach?

Do ghosts always speak in English or can they speak in different languages? Do they have different English accents? Do they speak in Olde English like Shakespeare and Chaucer? If a French ghost appears in England would he speak English in a French accent? Or the accent of the language he comes from? Or would he say, "Me no speak English"?

I once saw a ghost riding a bicycle. He stopped and said in perfect English, "Sorry old boy, can't stop and frighten you. I'm late getting home and no matter what excuse I give the wife she can see right through me!"

Have you ever seen a ghost? Tell us about it. 

Remembrance Day

 

REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY

ONE MINUTE SILENT PRAYER

Look in the mirror

 

This will be a quick Q & A - I promise you.

Look in the mirror. 

What do you see? A happy cheerful face or one that looks like you've tasted garlic ice cream? Or, as they say around here, a face that looks like a mile of bad road?

Another question -  Are you a Christian?

If you are, then you owe it to God and to your soul to be cheerful. 

To rejoice. 

You have the Good News in your heart. 

God loves you. 

Jesus died for you. 

The Holy Spirit will descend on you if you invite Him.

A Christian should not always look as if he has just attended a funeral. 

He should look as if he has heard of the Resurrection and rejoices at the Good News always.