As I Quote Myself

... ... after the evening meal, my boss, a woman in her early thirties, went up to her room. Before she left the table she asked me discretely to follow her a few minutes later. She gave me a duplicate plastic card to use in that contraption which opens the hotel room door. She said she wanted to discuss my annual appraisal report.

I was hesitant at first. I sipped my coffee slowly to waste time and to gather enough courage to decide what to do. My boss was not one to argue with. When she said, “Jump” we replied, “How high”, rather than question her request – or should I say her command.

A few minutes later I entered her room and it was empty. I said loudly, "Hello ... anyone here?"

Her voice replied from the bathroom, "I'm in the shower. Come in!"

I was astounded and frightened at this request which, as I said earlier, sounded more like a command.

My boss had a certain reputation amongst the office gossip grapevine but I never quite believed it. It seemed that now was the time for me to sample such a reputation.

I did not know what to do, especially since my future career at this firm depended so much on her and her appraisal of me. I hesitated for a while.

"Get a move on," she cried impatiently from the bathroom, "I'm not going to wait all night!"

Those were her exact words; I still remember them clearly. She obviously meant business and my future life flashed in front of my eyes.

I was totally confused. I sought guidance from my abbreviated Catechism which I carried in my pocket but I could not find an answer in a hurry. They really should have a better index in those books.

I took off my jacket and put it on the back of the chair. Then I took off my shoes. I had a big hole in one of my socks!

Before I could go on any further she came out of the bathroom fully clothed and speaking on her cell-phone. Apparently you get a better reception in the shower than anywhere else in her hotel room.

"Why have you taken your shoes off?" she asked.

"I did not want to dirty the carpet!" I replied unconvincingly.

I wonder if she believed me. Fortunately I got a good annual appraisal although she did say I often get the wrong end of the stick.

 *******

AS I QUOTE MYSELF is not a biography of a famous celebrity, or other well known personality telling you how they made it good from extreme poverty to being as successful as they are today. Instead, these are the memoirs of someone you’ve probably never heard of, (unless you’re related to him), but yet with a story to tell.

A series of calamities and misfortunes with humourous outcomes which are sure to make you smile, if not laugh out loud. At least that’s what he hopes! AS I QUOTE MYSELF are the memoirs of no one in particular except the one from whose memories they originate.

*******

AMAZON REVIEWS

*****  Victor's imagination knows no bounds! Were I only to possess a kernel ... but will be content to applaud from the sidelines. Myra G.

*****  I was first introduced to Victor's work in the blogging world. I was so enamored with his great sense of humor, that I never hesitated when he announced this book on his blog, "Time for Reflections". It is so refreshing to read a humorous book filled with wit and humor without the need to spice it up with vulgar language or sexual undertones. Victor shows us, page after page, life is quite humorous -especially when you don't mind making yourself the brunt of the joke. An easy to read - delightful page turner - Victor has once again hit a home run with this little charmer! LJC.

*****  I did not know that as the author of this book I could leave a review; but I tell you folks, my memoirs made me laugh so much I had to write them sitting down. A book not to be missed especially if you are throwing it at someone. Makes an ideal Christmas or Birthday present to someone you don't like. A book with non-boomerang qualities. Will not return when thrown. The only book in the world written slowly to make it last longer. Not edible but can be grilled or barbecued safely. Victor S E Moubarak.

AVAILABLE FROM AMAZON in Paperback, Kindle version as well as Audiobook and Alexa.

AMAZON LINK HERE 

The Case of the Mystery Crime

 

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The soup waved at me

 

I was in Paris, sitting at one of those open-air restaurants. You know the ones, tables on the side-walks or a pedestrianised area and everyone eating outdoors.

I was enjoying a French onions soup. It started to rain. It took me ages to finish my meal as it kept replenishing.

On another occasion I was enjoying a pea soup. Suddenly it waved at me. There on the green surface I could see someone waving. It was also shouting in a tiny voice, "Heeelp ... Heeelp ..."

I looked closer into the pea. It was a tiny fly drowning. I had to act quick. I had few options.

I could ignore it and carry on eating.

I could try to fish it out with my spoon; but then it would be drowning in the spoon instead of the plate.

Or I could throw in an umbrella in case it started to rain.

I decided to call the waiter. I pointed at the fly and said in my best French, "Le mouche!"

He looked own and corrected me, "Non Monsieur ... la Mouche"

"By Jove," I said, "you have marvellous eyesight to be able to tell what sex it is!"

And now you can download my book THE SOUP WAVED AT ME FREE ... yes FREE ... from HERE  

 

Sermons for Children

 

 

Children's Homilies for Every Sunday

ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 979-8288219498

Helping Children Discover the Joy of the Gospel

Many parents, teachers, and catechists long for a way to help children prepare meaningfully for Sunday Mass. This book of simple homilies—one for each Sunday of the liturgical year—answers that need. Written with warmth, clarity, and a deep love for the Word of God, these reflections invite children to listen, understand, and live the Gospel in their daily lives.

Each homily includes a story to capture young hearts, a simple lesson to ponder, and often even a song or prayer to remember. Yet, as several readers have said, "We adults have learned something too!"

Whether you're sharing these homilies in the classroom, at home, or in church, you’ll find here a faithful companion for the journey through the Church year—one that draws children closer to Jesus, and gently teaches the treasures of our Catholic faith.

fatherfrancismaple.co.uk

PAPERBACK

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Mystery at Status Manor

 

AMAZON REVIEW - Five Stars *****

Being on vacation and getting immersed into such a GREAT book is BLISS

What a wonderful book, so well written by this writer that you think you ARE THERE! Seeing it all unfold but NOT QUITE getting the PLOT. Excellent story! Highly recommended.
Mariette Vedder

AMAZON LINK HERE

Gone with the wind

 

It was a lovely summer’s afternoon that Sunday when we sat as a family and enjoyed a sumptuous Sunday lunch. We had roast beef as well as fried chicken which had been marinated in all sorts of flavoursome spices and herbs; accompanied by an assortment of vegetables including of course the dreaded Brussels sprouts.

I have never understood why God created this particular vegetable; but create it He did. No doubts He has His reasons and one day we’ll discover how beneficial it is for us and how silly and uneducated we have been to dislike it so. However, for now at least, most people I know don’t seem to like it.

I don’t count myself amongst them, of course. I’m neutral in this respect. I would eat Brussels sprouts if offered to me but I would not go out of my way to ask for them in a gourmet restaurant.

But that Sunday, Brussels sprouts were on the menu. I believe they were mixed with walnut pieces and fried onions, if memory serves me right.

We have had Auntie Gertrude from Australia staying with us for a few days so we also invited Father Frederic to Sunday lunch. The two had never met each other so we sat them next to each other around the large dinner table.

It was a lovely meal with pleasant conversation on no particular subject and all subjects that came to mind.

After lunch, we all moved to the living room to enjoy a nice cup of coffee and continue our discussion.

Father Frederic sat on the sofa leaving a little room for someone else to sit beside him and a few minutes later, as we all made ourselves comfortable, Auntie Gertrude came in and sat beside the priest.

Sadly, and embarrassingly for her, as she lowered herself in the well upholstered settee she accidentally broke wind with a thunderous loud noise.

I should mention at this stage that Father Frederic is somewhat hard of hearing; and he therefore did not notice nor pay attention to what had just happened.

I immediately tried to cover Auntie’s embarrassment by asking him loudly some Ecumenical question that came to mind.

As I leaned towards him speaking a little louder than usual I noticed his face going a little pale as the tell-tale strong smell reached my olfactory senses.

He looked at me accusingly as Auntie got out of the room saying “By dingo cobber! I forgot the biscuits in the kitchen … they're special I brought from Adelaide ... I’ll go and get them!”

As she got out of the room, followed by the rest of the family, she added somewhat undiplomatically "they are not as bland as those English biscuits!"

I was left alone with the kind old heavenly priest and the smell from hell.

Suddenly, the Ecumenical question became totally irrelevant as my mind went blank and my hurt pride and wounded honour urged me to shout at the top of my voice “It was not me!!! It was her!!! She did it and went out leaving me sharing her stench.”

But being the stupid gentleman who I am, I said nothing. I kept quiet and protected a lady’s pride and honour by my silence.

“Would you like a biscuit?” I asked Father picking up the large serving dish which was there all the time.

“That’s a lovely piano …” replied Father Frederic getting up from his seat and moving towards the open window. “Our church organ needs mending … it doesn’t pump so much wind in the pipes as it used to.”

Somehow, the uneasy conversation which followed and the fresh air from the open window, diluted the heavy atmosphere in the room as eventually the rest of the family re-joined us accompanied by an innocent looking Auntie Gertrude.

Since that day, Father Frederic keeps his distance from me whenever we meet.

Excerpt from the book

NO WORRIES MATE

Paperback & KINDLE

HERE

Follow The Way

 

 

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one goes to the Father except by me.” John 14:6

But do we really know the way to Heaven and to the Father? Everyone wants to get to Heaven it seems; but not just yet. Maybe they are not ready to meet God. Or perhaps they don’t know where Heaven is; what it looks like; and what they will do when they get there … for eternity.

We all have different visions of Heaven. Is it a mansion as Jesus described, or a spiritual state of being? Will we really have our bodies back all perfect and without any illness or disabilities? Why, what would we need our bodies at all? And will this body be at the age we died or a younger more youthful one?

What will we do in Heaven for eternity; apart from praising God and thanking Him for what He has done for us?

Are there animals in Heaven? Will we see our pets again? Personally, I would hate to come face to face with the Sunday roast admonishing me for what I had done to it. Or that wasp I killed the other day.

So many questions cross our minds about Heaven and how to get there.

This book does not claim to have all the answers. Nobody can, because no one has returned from Heaven and told us what it’s like. No one has returned from hell either; but Jesus was very descriptive about the eternal fire that burns there.

This thoughtful book contains a series of questions and topics which may well have crossed our minds at one time or other but we never felt confident enough to ask for an answer or an explanation. Questions like who will ultimately enter Heaven? Will we? Will all our loved ones and people we care for be there? What if someone we love is missing? What would we do then?

Is God merciful and just? How does He balance both qualities and how does this affect us? Would He really send someone to hell for ever?

Consider and meditate on what Jesus said about loving one’s neighbours and enemies, about anger and revenge, about judging others, working on Sundays, fasting, about our faith and prayers and many others topics He taught about in the Bible.

These and many other issues are discussed and answered in easy to read style for you to ponder about, and to encourage you to explore your conscience and what you truly believe.

We hope you’ll enjoy this selection of devotionals to help you meditate on your Christian faith.

NOTE FOR READERS OF THIS BLOG: This book also contains the whole series of articles entitled "What Jesus said ... about" which featured here earlier this year.

Paperback and KINDLE versions available from AMAZON 

AMAZON LINK HERE

Also available in Audible format and ALEXA

TRY IT HERE 

The Bitten Apple Connection

 

THE BITTEN APPLE CONNECTION
ISBN-13 979-8306343358

A NEW NOVEL

by

Victor S E Moubarak

In this, the ninth novel in the Father Ignatius series, we find the old priest reluctantly embroiled in the world of crime, gambling, strip-clubs and prostitution. It is a thin line indeed between being a priest guiding his flock in spiritual matters, and actually stepping out and helping in a practical way his parishioners in trouble.

In this story of mystery and intrigue Father Ignatius is perhaps rushing in where angels fear to tread so endangering his life and that of others. But then, there are times when only action will do; especially when words seem to have no effect at all. Above all, however, this story reminds us of the power of prayer and how it can change lives where human actions fail. Throughout it all, regardless of what he did in a practical way, it was Father Ignatius’ constant prayers that were heard and brought real results.

This book poses many moral questions which you, the reader, have to answer in all consciousness and honesty. It will put you on the spot and make you consider seriously how you would have behaved and what you would have done in similar circumstances. 

Was Father Ignatius right in everything he did? Would you have acted differently?       

How would you have reacted to a quickly developing situation where others are in mortal danger?

A credible plot-line which will keep you guessing what will happen next. Together with the moral guidance from our favourite priest, makes this book an enjoyable read for old and new book-lovers alike.

This new standalone novel by Vic Moubarak is available in KINDLE and paperback formats from AMAZON. Click on the link HERE.