At the Sleep Therapist

 

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To sleep, perchance to dream! 

 

I went to see the Sleep Therapist. He explained that there are many reasons why people do not sleep soundly. Diet for instance, especially if you have eaten a heavy meal or cheese or perhaps one drink too many.

Another reason is being fretful, worried and concerned about something or someone.  

He asked me, "Do you ever wake up irritable in the morning?"

I said, "Sometimes I do, at other times I let her sleep and go downstairs to prepare breakfast!" 

He scribbled something down and asked, "What do you do then?"

I replied, "I bring my wife a cup of tea in my pyjamas. She's never grateful. She prefers it in a cup!" 

He scribbled some more, "Sometimes some people find it comforting to take their pets in bed with them. Do you ever do that?" he asked.

"Yes, I did once," I said, "when I woke up the bed was soaking wet and our goldfish had died!"

"What did you do then?" he asked scribbling some more notes.

"I grilled him and had him for breakfast with toast and ketchup!" I said reminiscing in sadness at the time.

"You must have really loved your goldfish," he continued writing.

"Yes, but not as much as when our parrot died!"

"What did you do then?" he asked again.

"We put him in the oven with potatoes, turnips and carrots. He was not so good though. After we ate him he kept repeating on us!"

"Repeating?" he raised his eyebrows.

"Yes ... Poly Gone ... Poly Gone ..."

"Tell me about your dreams," he asked, "any disturbed ones?"

"Yes," I said thinking back, "only last week I dreamt that the neighbour's horse had driven away in my car! I panicked and woke up in a sweat and a huff, or was it a minute and a huff?"

"What happened then?" he said.

"Oh ... it was only a nightmare!"

He wrote some more silently. Then after a moment or so he asked, "Do you ever walk in your sleep?"

"Only to go to the bathroom!" I said.

"Do you have difficulty passing water?" he asked.

"Only when crossing a river on a bridge; I get a little dizzy!" I confessed.

"What are the symptoms?" he asked.

"They are yellow cartoon characters on TV. There's Bart, Homer, Marge and Lisa, and Mr Burns too ..." I could not remember any other symptoms. 

"I diagnose that you have an over-active imagination," he said, "take one of these pills daily before going to bed."

He handed me a box with big round pills the size of golf balls.

"Wow ... these are big," I said, "what are they for?"

"I don't know," he said, "my friend is a vet and these are horse pills we are testing on various patients for side-effects. Tell me if you kick like a mule in your sleep!"