Family Tree Surprises

 

Whilst researching my family tree I have discovered another of my famous ancestors. His name was Deacon Quentin Al Fresco and he lived at the same time as Michelangelo when he painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

Originally, the Pope at the time wanted the ceiling painted light blue. But Quentin Al Fresco, who considered himself an art connoisseur, hired Michelangelo to do the job and commissioned the paintings we know and love today.

At first Michelangelo was reluctant, saying that it would take too long to paint such a high ceiling needing scaffolding and ladders and lying on his back all the time. But Deacon Quentin convinced him otherwise.

He explained that he could draw the painting in pencil first and then by painting with numbers he could easily fill in the various bits with the same numbers and hey presto we would have a wonderful masterpiece hanging over our heads.

Michelangelo was not convinced especially since he suffered from vertigo; a condition he got from eating some dodgy lobsters. But Quentin Al Fresco suggested that there was no need for scaffolding and ladders. All Michelangelo had to do, is dip the paintbrush in the appropriate paint pot according to the colour indicated by the numbers and then jump high on a trampoline and fill in the bits of the drawing on the ceiling. Every time he jumped high in the air he would paint a different bit of the drawing.

Michelangelo tried it and fell off the trampoline breaking his arm.

Undeterred Quentin tried something else. He gave the masterpiece painter a brush thirty feet long and suggested he paints the ceiling by just standing solid on terra firma. The painter had difficulty dipping the brush in the paint pots. Apart from all the mess he made spilling paint everywhere, every time he tried to lower the brush into the pot, the long handle poked someone in the eye.

But Quentin was resolute and taught Michelangelo to ride a unicycle, or mono-cycle. You know ... those contraptions with one wheel, a long metal tube and a seat on top. Only this one had a tube thirty feet long. Eventually, with assistants holding on to the bike, Michelangelo managed to finish painting the Sistine Chapel. But not before he fell several times breaking a collar bone, three ribs, and a jar of vino he had in his pocket.

These days we celebrate Michelangelo for the famous painting of the Sistine Chapel; but the true hero, Quentin Al Fesco has long been forgotten.

Quentin Ravioli

 

Years ago, Quentin generously paid for my dog to be put down, and then he helped me bury him.

He was an Alsatian. The dog, not Quentin. I believe that Quentin was from Scotland. 

He was seventeen at the time. The dog, not Quentin. Quentin was about twenty five, I believe.

He used to follow me everywhere. The dog that is, not Quentin. He used to follow me to the fishmongers were I used to buy crabs and lobsters.

He was very intelligent and quick witted. Quentin, not the dog. The dog has been long dead. One day I asked Quentin "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which he promptly replied, "They have to go backwards. If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."

Quentin was good at languages. One year he went to France on holiday and saw an old lady in  Montmartre in Paris sitting on the sidewalk knitting. He asked her, “Voulez vous crochet avec moi?”

On another occasion he impressed his friends at a restaurant by ordering the whole meal in Italian. The waiter did not understand a word though. It was a Greek restaurant.

He once bought a book on-line entitled  “How to get your own back on your neighbour”. Unfortunately he was out when it was delivered and the postman left the book next door.

His next door neighbours never got out of the house. They were agoraphobic anorexics. Bet they had some skeletons in the cupboard.

Quentin was a keen gardener. Always in his garden planting something or other. He was a bit OCD and he told me once that he always plants his herbs in alphabetical order. I asked him "where do you find the time?" He replied, "It’s there next to the sage."

A kind hearted person, Quentin was. Once at a pub he noticed a guy had passed out at a table nearby. The bartender told him the man is Mr. Peters, and asked Quentin if he could drive him home. Quentin agreed and the bartender wrote down the address and gave it to him.

Quentin tried to wake Peters, but Peters was groggy and quite drunk. Quentin helped him to his feet, but Peters fell to the floor in a crashing heap.

He took him by the arm and practically dragged him out to the car. Once there, he leant him against the side of his car while he looked for his keys. The man slid down to the ground again.

Eventually Quentin drove the man to the address the bartender gave him. He opened the passenger door and helped Peters out and he fell to the ground again!

He got him to his door and said to Peters' wife, "Hi, your husband had a little too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home."

"That was nice of you," she replied looking around ... "But where's his wheelchair?"

And that's Quentin Ravioli for you. A man of many parts ... none of which worked properly. We shall miss him sorely. Because he keeps moving!

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