Too Hot for church!!!

  

 

I know it's been too hot here lately

 

with temperatures reaching 37*C (99*F) 

 

but really ...

 

This is too much. 

 

And in church too!

 

As soon as I saw them I rushed to the front

 

to tell them to cover up. 

 

What do you think?

 

Please comment below  

 

I burnt her frilly underwear

 

There were six of us sharing a large apartment. We were young. We had parties every weekend. We had joy, we had fun.We had seasons in the sun. But the hills that we climbed; were just seasons out of time. Whatever that means.

Anyway, one weekend we played HOT or COLD. I don't know if you're familiar with the game. One person hides something, and the others try to find it. If they get near the item you say warm, luke warm, hot and so on until they find it. If they're away from the item you say cold, colder and so on.

We'd been drinking. We were happy and perhaps light-headed. It was my turn to hide an item. One of the girls thought it would be a great laugh to hide her underpants!

Whilst they all had their eyes closed, I sneaked into the kitchen and put the pants in the oven.

They were useless at finding them. They were miles away. Might as well be in the next country or continent. I kept saying, "Cold ... Colder ... Even more colder ... Coldest ... Freezing ... Polar Regions Freezing Temperature!" But they could not find the girl's undergarment.

Then there was a funny smell from the kitchen. And black smoke. The smoke alarm went on shrieking.

How was I to know that someone had put something in the oven to bake?

I know you're blaming me right now!

I doubt the owner of the pants ever forgave me. They were sheer delicate see-through. She had bought them for her boy friend ... Not for her boy friend to wear ... For her to wear and ...

Oh go on ... blame me as usual.

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It's hot in this heat

 

It has been very hot in the UK lately as I am sure it is elsewhere. Some days it was over 40 Degrees C in the shade. I was clever though and did not stay in the shade.

The weather forecast woman on TV said it's been the hottest day "since records began".

This set me thinking ... when did records begin?

Apparently a long long time ago a man wrote down on a piece of paper, "Phew ... it's hot today. Records have begun."

The next day, he wrote on another piece of paper "Wowie and double phew ... it's been even hotter today. It's been the hottest day since records began yesterday."

This went on for some time with the man writing every day how hot, cool or cold it was.

Then, years later, another man called Thermo, invented the thermometer and proper records really began. 

Anyway, as I was saying, it was so hot today that the birds were using a jackhammer to dig worms from the ground. 

The chickens in our back yard were laying fried eggs this morning.

I decided to go to the beach to cool off. The fish in the sea were already parboiled. 

On the way there I noticed a couple of parched trees fighting over a dog.

Have you noticed that when wearing a bikini, women reveal 94% of their body? I was too polite and only looked at the covered parts.

Which raises another point: Is it OK for Christian women to wear bikinis? Or any swimsuits? How about men in tiny shorts and swimming trunks? What is the acceptable attire on the beach for a Christian? (I wear a three-piece pin-striped suit and a bowler hat).

How about nudist beaches? Can a Christian be a naturist? (I shower at home fully clothed).

How are you coping in the hot weather where you are?

Hot or Cold

 

I know you folks always blame me for everything when it goes all wrong. It's not always my fault you know.

There were six of us sharing a large apartment. We were young. We had parties every weekend. We had joy, we had fun.We had seasons in the sun. But the hills that we climbed; were just seasons out of time. Whatever that means.

Anyway, one weekend we played HOT or COLD. I don't know if you're familiar with the game. One person hides something, and the others try to find it. If they get near the item you say warm, luke warm, hot and so on until they find it. If they're away from the item you say cold, colder and so on.

We'd been drinking. We were happy and perhaps light-headed. It was my turn to hide an item. One of the girls thought it would be a great laugh to hide her underpants - brand new ones still in their packet!

Whilst they all had their eyes closed, I sneaked into the kitchen and put the pants in the oven.

They were useless at finding them. They were miles away. Might as well be in the next country or continent. I kept saying, "Cold ... Colder ... Even more colder ... Coldest ... Freezing ... Polar Regions Freezing Temperature!" But they could not find the girl's undergarment.

Then there was a funny smell from the kitchen. And black smoke. The smoke alarm went on shrieking.

How was I to know that someone had put something in the oven to bake?

I know you're blaming me right now!

I doubt the owner of the pants ever forgave me. They were sheer delicate see-through. She had bought them for her boy friend ... Not for her boy friend to wear ... For her to wear and ...

Oh go on ... blame me as usual.

Hot Hot Hot

It's been hot in Britain ... and everywhere else it seems. Over here the temperature has gone up to 35 Degrees C in the shade. I was clever though, and did not stay in the shade.

The hot weather has brought with it many views and opinions and expected, or unexpected, behaviour.

Some say this is a sign of the end of time. The planet is getting warmer, this will melt the ice cap, the sea levels will go up ... and so on ... and on. Personally, I think that if the sea levels go up then more of us will live near the beach. A good thing, surely?

Here in the UK, as expected perhaps, the hot weather has affected traffic. Tarmacs on roads are melting. Long queues on motorways as cars break-down because of the heat. Trains and planes running late or not at all. Shortage of ice cream!!!!!

Did you hear me, folks? Shortage of ice cream? How can we possibly survive for a week or two without ice cream?

People are asking their employers to shut the business and send everyone home. We can't possibly work in this hot weather.

There should be a law about it. In fact, there should be a law about everything. We need more laws. That's what's wrong. There should have been a law against hot weather. Let's take God to Court for this hot weather. Let's blame Him for everything that's wrong in our lives.

Also, in this hot weather I notice there has been a tendency amongst people to divest more, or wear the very least they can manage within the realms of decency ... whatever that is. Peoples' inhibitions seem to disappear somehow. Men wear shorts with shoes or sandals with socks. Women wear shorter skirts or tiny shorts and boob tubes.

For those who don't know, a boob tube is an elasticated tiny piece of material worn around the breasts and defying gravity by hanging there for dear life. (See photo above).

Wearing such an outfit in public is one thing; but wearing it at work, as some people suggest?

 

Can you imagine me going to work and finding my lawyer, or accountant wearing a bikini? I wouldn't mind so much if our company lawyer was a young lady; but Mr Fortooth in a bikini?

 

Or elderly Miss Snodgrass in a swimming costume?

You can call me whatever names you like ... but I think this is the limit. I don't mind what people wear or don't wear on the beach. They can go totally naked if they want to. But not in the office surely? 

Now I just cannot wipe out the image of Mr Fortooth in a bikini from my mind. I shall never see him or Miss Snodgrass the same way again. 

In fact, I think our employer should close the business and send us all home until this hot weather spell is over.