Your Grammar Stinks

 

Taken from actual Church Notices.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' 

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. 

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So, ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 

At the evening service, tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. 

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. 

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.00am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. 

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7.00pm. Please use the back door. 

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7.00pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7.00pm. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

 The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours

What Jesus said about ... (series)

 

What Jesus said about ... the Church.

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

“But what about you?” He asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” Then He ordered His disciples not to tell anyone that He was the Messiah. Matthew 16:13 onwards.

First, let us point at something very important here: "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven."

What Jesus said here is that it was not Peter the human being who said what he said; it was the Holy Spirit speaking through Peter and confirming who Jesus is/was - the Son of the living God.

Often the Holy Spirit speaks through people to reveal truths that escape most of us. We should be on the alert and listen carefully.

Back to the topic. By "church" Jesus did not mean a building or temple. No doubt He may have been misunderstood by His listeners who often got the wrong message like they did when He said He would rebuild the temple in three days. John 2:19

By "church" He meant His people. You and I, and everyone who follows Jesus and lives according to His teachings and Commandments. We are the "church", not a building we may frequent. We, the followers of Christ, are the living "church" tasked to live according to His Way and to preach His Word throughout all nations. 

Originally, when the church started growing, just after Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit descended on the Apostles and followers of Jesus (Acts 2:1-31), it was a united movement led by the Spirit and taking its first faltering steps in a cynical unbelieving world. It met with great opposition and many of the followers of Jesus were persecuted and suffered death for their belief.

As time went by and the "church" got established and spread beyond its geographical origins it began to separate and split into factions and groups. (What's new?) And before long we had the Catholics, Protestants, Orthodox and this and that grouping each believing something different and bickering about their differences rather than rejoicing in what, (Who), unites them - Jesus the Son of the living God.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Jesus was not Catholic, Anglican, Methodist, Baptist or any other denomination which exists today. 

What do you think He feels when He looks down on us and sees what we have done to His church? 

Especially when He prayed that we may always be united with each other and with Him.

"I pray that they may all be one. Father! May they be in us, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they be one, so that the world will believe that you sent me. I gave them the same glory you gave me, so that they may be one, just as you and I are one: I in them and you in me, so that they may be completely one, in order that the world may know that you sent me and that you love them as you love me." John 17:21

Not Now ... I'm Busy!

 

There's a saying that life is like a toilet paper roll. The nearer it comes to the end the faster it goes.

You know how it is. We're all very busy these days doing this and that and the other thing and trying to get our head round doing more jobs on our "To Do" list. 

It's not like when we were children and things moved so slowly and a week was as long as a year especially when we're waiting for something nice like a birthday party, or a visit to the cinema or park or whatever. 

These days time moves much faster it seems and all the days and weeks seem to blend together and another year is over.

We really don't have time to go to church ... every Sunday. Life's too busy for that. 

A recent survey said that in the UK regular attendance to church, all denominations, is about 5% of the population. Yet, I guess many people consider that they are Christian at heart, good people really, and they will certainly go to Heaven. Whatever they believe Heaven is.

We all need rules to keep us safe and to live an ordered life. Can you imagine the chaos if you went out in the street and drove wherever you wished and ignored traffic lights and road signals? 

In Christian life too, we have some rules to follow, known as the Ten Commandments. One of them says that we should keep one day a week holy. This means that we should make an effort to attend church regularly and not just fit it in when the golf game has been cancelled. 

Being a Christian means loving God and obeying Him and respecting His rules. How would you feel if your friends only come running to you when they need help and the rest of the time they ignore you because they're too busy? It is the same with God. Many use God as a convenient insurance policy for when things go wrong.

Christianity is not an optional extra. It is not a badge one wears to identify them when asked.

You are either a Christian or you are not. Hiding behind the badge may fool others, including you, but it certainly will not fool God. If you say you're a Christian and you don't go to church then you're not a Christian.

And one more thing ... as someone once said, going to church does not make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Christianity is a way of life, a Mission, an eternal destination. Christianity is difficult. It is not for the faint-hearted and the timid. Christianity is hard work; but with a good pension plan.

The message may be hard to swallow but that's the way it is.

A Young Problem

Here's a problem, or dilemma, which is open for discussion and suggestions from all of you dear readers.

Simply put: How do we attract young people to church?

As you know, young people always know best. By the time they are 19 they know everything there is to know in the world and beyond, and they are not open to suggestions, advice or coercion from any old foggy aged over 35.

If you visit our church, (and other churches too around here), you'll find the average age of the attendants is well over 50.

I don't know whether this is only a Catholic thing, or whether it happens to other denominations too.

Are we Catholics that boring? Or is it perhaps our use of incense that puts the youngsters off?

The long and short of it is that they don't attend church. We've tried encouraging parents to bring youngsters in, and indeed we do have those under ten or twelve, but above that age ... not many.

We've tried visiting universities and colleges ... not much success there either.

Someone suggested, (was it me?), to give away free pizzas after Mass. (You can guess the response to that).

So ... it is now over to you.

How do you encourage young people aged 18 to 25, who would soon be parents and influencing the next generation, to attend church regularly?

Yes ... we've tried prayers ...  so please suggest something else.