As you know, the rhinoceros is very short sighted. So I set out to help these beautiful creatures by opening a chain of opticians stores in the jungle. The project was doomed to failure from the start.
Our first problem was getting the rhinoceros to sit in the optician's chair. He would not fit in. He wriggled left and right trying to escape. He knocked the whole place about with various equipment and lenses flying all over the place. At one point he kicked our animal psychiatrist in the head and made him reconsider the wisdom of his profession.
In a way, it was just retribution since it was the psychiatrist who encouraged me into this failed venture. He said that rhinos would be more docile and less violent if they could see properly; and the only reason they attack Jeeps and large vehicles is because they think it's another male trying to take over their herd.
We got a bigger chair, but that was no use. The size of the chair was not the problem. The animal was obstinate and in no mood to co-operate. Eventually, when we got him settled with the promise of a lollipop or a sweet if he behaves, we encountered our second problem.
The animal could not read the various sized letters on the chart. How can we check on his eyesight if he could not read? We tried to test the sharpness of his visions by placing various lenses on his eyes and asking, "Is it better this way? Or this way? This way? Or this way?" But he just grunted and not reply.
When at last we managed somehow to measure the creature's eyesight it proved impossible to get him to wear spectacles. He just shook his head and sent the glasses flying. Getting him to wear contact lenses was another failure since he could not pick up the lens with his big feet.
Our chain of stores in the jungle has not seen a customer for months. Despite many offers of 50% reductions in price or get one spectacle and get the other free.
I wonder whether dental care for crocodiles would be more of a success.
