How to avoid people

 

Do you find that complete strangers approach you for a chat when out walking the dog, or sitting on a bench in the park, or on the bus, train or whatever? They always do that to me. Can't understand it. Why can't they leave me alone rather than chatting away telling me their life story?

In order to avoid such people I have now started dressing untidily and somewhat scruffy. I wear an old pair of jeans torn and with dirt from changing the oil in the car and cleaning the rain gutters. Also an old T shirt and dirty overcoat. I found an old pair of shoes with holes in them that let in water. I made another hole in the heel for the water to come out, and I now wear them as part of my new fashionable accoutrement. 

The whole assemble does work I tell you. You will not see it as part of the Autumn Collection by any fashion designer but it works.

People have started to keep their distance from me. I also carry a jar of pickled onions in my coat pocket and if anyone comes near me I offer them one. That, or a half eaten Mars bar. You can see the teeth mark in the chocolate. People soon thank me politely and move to another seat on the bus, or walk away in the park.

The only downside to my new dress sense is that I have been refused entry at some of the top hotels and restaurants in London. The man at the door always tells me to go away. Some have been known to give me a sandwich or other food, so that's a small recompense for not letting me in I suppose.

Also, I tripped and fell at an up-market touristy area of London. People soon gathered round to help me. They checked I was OK and someone even gave me a meal from a nearby takeaway fast food restaurant. A tourist also gave me some money. So, looking like a tramp does help sometimes.

I noticed the neighbours have stopped talking to me too. When I go out to get the papers from the newsagent one or two people cross to the other side of the road in order to avoid me.

My sudden change of attire has had an effect at home also. My wife said she will no longer speak to me as long as I dress like that. Now that's a bonus.

And another advantage is that my mother-in-law has stopped visiting us on her broomstick because she says I let the tone of the place down.

So you see, my new dress code has had a lot of positive outcomes. despite the downside of being excluded from some hotels and restaurants. People are now no longer talking to me.

You should try it sometime. Get some old clothing on and have fun.

How to avoid someone ... and fail.

I know that Christians should love, (and like), everyone, including their enemies. But is that really possible?

I am sure there were people around Jesus who were really obnoxious and a pain in the neck working their way downwards. Did He love them? Did He like them? Or did He just tolerate them as one of God's creatures put on earth to teach us to love?

There was this guy at work called Gerard whom I did not like. There was nothing specifically wrong with him. I just did not like him. Maybe it was me ... maybe it was the lack of chemistry between us ... maybe it was something else. But for some reason, I did not like him.

Put another way. If he was a woman I would not marry him. I would not be intimate with him. I would not even date him.

He ... or she ... would be there and that's that. It's like having a chair around. You wouldn't date a chair would you? Unless you were weird that is!

Do you remember Neil Diamond speaking to himself and not even the chair heard him? Well, that was weird. But I digress.

For some reason I did not like Gerard.

Eventually, I decided to change jobs and applied for a post at another firm. I attended the interview and as I entered the room there was Gerard waiting to interview me.

It turned out he was a Human Resources Consultant and in his free time he worked for other firms to help them recruit staff. It was all above board and our employers knew about it.

He asked me why I wanted to leave my present employer. I said that I admired him immensely and wanted to follow in his footsteps and expand my horizons and expertise.

I then went to confession the same day.

I did not get the job.

Weeks later I attended an old friend's wedding in a city miles away. You guessed it. Gerard was the best man. What are the odds that we both knew the bridegroom?

About three months after that I went to London to celebrate the baptism of the daughter of yet another friend of ours. Dash it all ... Gerard was one of the God-parents.

I had to go to hospital for an embarrassing check up. They wanted to know my sense of humour was intact. Gerard was in the waiting room too. I tried to deflate the situation by telling him I'll tell no one he was there!

Often, I would meet him in town in the shops, in a restaurant or coffee bar, or in the street by accident. It was as if he was my shadow. Perhaps he was stalking me, even though I would sometimes enter a place and he was already there. If he saw me, I'd nod and say Hello; otherwise I would leave hurriedly before he noticed me.

Do you think God put him in my life for a purpose? Or did He put me in his life for a purpose?

We continued to work together in the same firm for a while. We never became friends. We just accepted each other.

He was a chair to me. I wonder what I was to him.