How to avoid people

 

Do you find that complete strangers approach you for a chat when out walking the dog, or sitting on a bench in the park, or on the bus, train or whatever? They always do that to me. Can't understand it. Why can't they leave me alone rather than chatting away telling me their life story?

In order to avoid such people I have now started dressing untidily and somewhat scruffy. I wear an old pair of jeans torn and with dirt from changing the oil in the car and cleaning the rain gutters. Also an old T shirt and dirty overcoat. I found an old pair of shoes with holes in them that let in water. I made another hole in the heel for the water to come out, and I now wear them as part of my new fashionable accoutrement. 

The whole assemble does work I tell you. You will not see it as part of the Autumn Collection by any fashion designer but it works.

People have started to keep their distance from me. I also carry a jar of pickled onions in my coat pocket and if anyone comes near me I offer them one. That, or a half eaten Mars bar. You can see the teeth mark in the chocolate. People soon thank me politely and move to another seat on the bus, or walk away in the park.

The only downside to my new dress sense is that I have been refused entry at some of the top hotels and restaurants in London. The man at the door always tells me to go away. Some have been known to give me a sandwich or other food, so that's a small recompense for not letting me in I suppose.

Also, I tripped and fell at an up-market touristy area of London. People soon gathered round to help me. They checked I was OK and someone even gave me a meal from a nearby takeaway fast food restaurant. A tourist also gave me some money. So, looking like a tramp does help sometimes.

I noticed the neighbours have stopped talking to me too. When I go out to get the papers from the newsagent one or two people cross to the other side of the road in order to avoid me.

My sudden change of attire has had an effect at home also. My wife said she will no longer speak to me as long as I dress like that. Now that's a bonus.

And another advantage is that my mother-in-law has stopped visiting us on her broomstick because she says I let the tone of the place down.

So you see, my new dress code has had a lot of positive outcomes. despite the downside of being excluded from some hotels and restaurants. People are now no longer talking to me.

You should try it sometime. Get some old clothing on and have fun.