How to save money quick

 

There's a brilliant new thrift store near us with great products which are much cheaper than the ones you get even in the best supermarkets.

I visited them yesterday and saved a fortune on our shopping. Unfortunately I was on foot and alone. If my wife was with me we would have bought and carried home more products.

For example. The have these new very low priced toilet paper rolls with no perforations. Lower production costs cheaper shopping.

If you wish, you can buy separately a small packet of perforations and put your own perforations on the toilet paper when you get home.

Also they have all sizes of envelopes which do not seal because there is no glue on the flap. You can buy separately small bottles of glue or sticky tapes for you to seal the envelopes.

The sticky tape does not stick because it has no sticky material on it. You just cut the appropriate length you want, put some glue on it with a tiny brush, the use the tape to seal your envelope or anything else requiring sticky tape.

They have similar non-sticky fabric dressing plasters for when you get a cut or a graze if you happen to fall and injure yourself. Also re-cycled bandages made from old vests and clothing that people have donated. The material is cleaned, and then cut into lengths of bandages to wrap round a wound.

They have bottles of lemonade without the bubbles or fizz. Tastes just like water with a sugary after-taste. It says on the label "No lemons or other citrus fruit has been used in the making of this drink". That's in case you're allergic to real fruit. It says the same on the orange drink, and the apples, pineapples and other flavoured drinks. You can buy about 30 gallons of the stuff for under 50 cents. I only bought 2 bottles because we already have 23 bottles of their Cola version at home. 

I was impressed by their food counter. They had many tinned foods, well within the "best by" date yet the labels had fallen off. You could buy them cheaply and get a surprise when you open them at home. You could have either a plate full of peas, or marmalade, or tinned pineapples. Or anything else for that matter. 

The tin I opened this morning contained "pâté de foie gras". Do you know what that is? It tasted nice on toast. Although my wife was sure it was dog food.

They also had a lot of "substitute" foods. Foods that are like the original in shape and taste but are not the original. For example, they had, "I Can't Believe It's Not Broccoli!" It looked and tasted as bad as broccoli. Also, "I Can't Believe It's Not Celery"... "It's Not Spam ... It's Not Muesli!" ... The last one can also be used to fill your cat's litter tray. Just as absorbent as the real thing.

They also had a pet shop on the premises. I was amazed by the "I Can't Believe It's Not A Fox!" It looked much bigger than a fox and had a striped coat. It was a tiger which tried to attack me when I entered the cage to pat its head.

I Can't Believe That Anyone Would Change The Labels On The Cage Doors!

I bought quite a few items at that store and saved a fortune. Unfortunately they do not give you any bags, plastic or paper, in order to keep their costs down.

But I was not beaten. I nearly bought some string from them, but then realised shoe laces are cheaper.

I tied the shoe laces at the bottom of my trouser legs, just by the ankles, to make sure it is a tight fit and nothing falls off. Then I loosened my belt a little and put all my shopping down my trousers.

Pretty soon my trouser legs swelled up with all the shopping in there.

It was a little difficult walking home. I just shuffled one leg forward a little by sliding it on the ground; then I shuffled the other leg forwards beside it. This continuous shuffling one leg at a time moved me along nicely.

It was difficult going up or down the sidewalks because my legs would not bend on account of two lemonade bottles wedged at the knees. But I just hopped and shuffled along.

When I got hope I dropped my trousers to reveal my shopping. My wife was not impressed.

I saved the equivalent of $3.76

Saving Money

I was walking towards the bus stop when suddenly the bus came past from behind me, overtook me, reached the bus stop first, found no one there, and drove off. I was really annoyed at having missed it.

Then I noticed that a few yards further on the bus had stopped because of heavy traffic. Perhaps it's road works ahead, or traffic lights.

If I ran fast, past the bus stop, and ran further on I'd get to the next bus stop before the bus.

So I ran as fast as my short legs could carry me. Past the bus and then ... the traffic moved again, the bus passed me again, reached the next stop and went on ahead.

I stopped, huffing and puffing out of breath. All that running for nothing. My heart was beating fast in my chest. Just as well. If it was beating fast somewhere else I'd be worried.

I kept walking ahead. But hey ... what's going on. I can see the bus up ahead stopped again. It's been stopped for over five minutes. Perhaps there is a hold-up ahead in the traffic. I'm sure I could catch that bus if I tried once more.

I ran and ran and ran and reached the bus. I waved at the bus driver to indicate I wanted to get on. Of course, he is not allowed to let people on the bus in mid-traffic, so I had to reach the next stop fast. I ran there. The traffic moved. The bus overtook me again. Got to the stop first, saw no one there and moved on.

By the time I reached the bus stop, I was totally out of breath. I was sweating like ... I don't know ... like someone sweating after a long run. I was red in the face. My knees were weak and my legs crying for help. I stayed there for a few minutes to recover.

The bus had gone; and I realised that only a few yards further and I'd be home. The next bus stop is way past my house, so no need to run there.

As I got home, I was totally deflated, disheartened, desolated, dehydrated, and disgusted at having ran all the way for nothing. I could not even think of any other words beginning with D. Apart from dictionary; but I had left that in the office.

I told the family what had happened and was consoled by the fact that I had saved £2.60 bus fare by running after a bus but not catching it.

They said next time I should run after a taxi and save more money.