Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Tuba or not Tuba

I am learning to play the tuba ... all by myself! I have bought a tuba ... and a book ... and it sounds like this ...
I have been practising at home all day yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that too ... the same five notes over and over again ...

Sadly ... I am not appreciated in my own home ... I also find I am not appreciated in my own time.

In future people will remember me and not appreciate me even then.

In order not to disturb the family, (I can only practise in the evenings after I get back late from work), I have taken to practising out in the back garden.

This has frightened the dog who ran at me and bit me in the most tender of places. I could not defend myself because my hands were caught in the note things of the tuba.

To avoid dog attacks I climbed up the tree away from any harm and practised there. For some reason this has upset the neighbours and disturbed their viewing of Downton Abbey ... whatever that is. (Is it a religious program?)

This gave me an  idea to go practise somewhere quiet where no people venture ... our church.

I went into the confessional and practised my notes there ...

Little did I know that the priest was hiding in his compartment with a bottle of drinks. The sound of my tuba made him jump out of his pants.

He added to his sins by punching me through that little aperture window between his compartment and mine.

His fist jammed hard into my tuba tube ...

It now sounds much better ...

Can I come practise ... quietly ... in your home please?

22 comments:

  1. I don't want to belittle your efforts to take up a new hobby, but the thought of you practicing in the confessional made me giggle :-)

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    1. It was the only quiet place I could think of. Unless you invite me to your place?

      God bless you, Kathy.

      Delete
  2. I slink into my basement lair daily to practice guitar where no one can hear, I don't have a big enough house to try tuba...not sure they build a house big enough to practice tuba.

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    1. The tuba really is a big and heavy instrument, JoeH. I tried learning to play the harp but I could not play it walking up and down as I did when practicing with the bagpipes.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Come on over and practice at my house. You can practice in the basement while I walk laps. :)

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    1. Thank you Happyone, that is very generous. Unfortunately ... change of plans. My family wants me to play a much smaller instrument ... the harmonica.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. Hee-hee-hee! This is better than a Fiddler on the Roof! The Roman Catholic adaptation of Tevye's Dream?

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    1. Good one, Mevely. I like it. If I were a rich man I would probably buy a confessional in our house and practice there! That's one place sure not to have any priests!

      God bless you. (In Latin too!)

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  5. You definitely need a sound-proof room in which to practice, Victor. Brings back memories of when my son was learning the sax and my daughter, the flute - such a ruckus!!!
    Blessings!

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    1. It is difficult having to learn and practice a musical instrument, Martha. Where can one practice at home. Especially if you want to practice playing the drums for instance.

      Do you know, I am quite good at playing the paper and comb. Have you ever tried that?

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. Both my boys were drummers. The tuba might be an improvement. Come over across the pond and I will let you annoy my neighbors!
    Blessings!

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    1. Thank you for the kind offer, Lulu. Sadly, you are so far away for me to travel. If only ... I would bring my tuba, the drums, the harp, the bagpipes and everything else with me.

      God bless.

      Delete
  7. I used to live with some friends who started a band in the 70s. The drums were not nice to hear constantly for hours day after day. The guitar and bass were much appreciated on the ear though. The band played locally and had quite a following. I don't think tubas would be enjoyable to hear while you practiced it. You need to find a soundproof basement somewhere to play, good luck and we'll look for your upcoming tour when you're ready. :)

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    1. Did you ever play or sing in a band, Bill? I wish I had the talent. Did you ever see The Dubliners in concert? The original Dubliners were marvellous. Do you remember Val Doonican? or Dana?

      God bless.

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    2. I never played in a band or sang. I love the Dubliners but never seen them in concert. I bet that would be fun. Unfortuantely I never heard of Val Doonican. I'll have to check him out on YT.

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    3. I saw the original Dubliners twice in concert in London. They were great. Especially with Ronnie Drew and Luke Kelly, may they rest in peace.

      You must be very young Bill, not to have heard of Val Doonican. He was on TV all the time at one point.

      God bless.

      Delete
  8. I often wonder how my parents put up with me learning the trumpet. Yikes!! Good luck finding a place to practice, Victor! I am picturing you carrying that instrument into the church...

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    1. I hid tuba under my coat. No one seemed to notice since no one here ever goes to church anyway.

      God bless you, Terri.

      Delete
  9. Silly Victor...everyone knows that you practice playing the Tuba in the bathroom...the sounds make everyone snicker!!!
    P.S. Confessionals are used for developing film...not Tuba playing.

    God's Blessings ✝

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    1. Indeed, silly of me. I should have realised both of these, Jan. How could I forget?

      God bless you.

      Delete

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