Being a Grumpy Old Man

 

Being a grumpy old man, or woman, can often be a good thing because the chances are you are still holding to good old fashioned values, habits and modes of behaviour. Some things that the modern idiot fatheads of today know nothing about as they graduate from so-called educational establishments with degrees in stupidity.

In olden days, and it was not that far back as you might think, a man would stand up when a woman entered the room, or left the dinner table. He would open a door for a woman or give up his seat on a bus or train. It was called courtesy. Young readers: look up this word in a dictionary if you have one; that is if you can spare a minute from taking selfie-pictures of yourself to post on social media.

Why do youngsters do that? Why do they take so many photos of themselves to share with all and sundry? Is it lack of self-confidence, or is it an impotent search for stardom in  a world of mediocrity?

In olden days, despite often poor education compared to today, people generally had the ability to think, to analyse, to discuss and come to conclusions. You did not need a degree to know right from wrong, how to behave as an individual, and how to respect other people even if you don't agree with them, and how to behave as a community or as a nation.

Today, it seems the current generations are led by slogans and sound-bites and placards at demonstrations rather than consider seriously the outcomes of their views and proposals were they to be implemented. 

There's no denying the honesty and passion of their thinking, but they seem to be led blindly, almost robotically, rather than through well thought out and reasoned argument. Regardless of the subject in question: the environment, global warming, cost of living, the future or whatever; the modern debate is led by passion rather than reasoning. 

The present generations do not seem to consider the consequences of their proposals; or indeed act personally in accordance with what they preach.   

For example, would all those concerned about saving the planet from environmental disaster be willing to forgo their holidays abroad to ever distant locations? 

Would they give up updating their technical gizmos like cell-phones, tablets, and other techie gadgets every few months to the latest models just to be fashionable? 

Would they consider giving up all the beauty cosmetic products and perfumes and latest fashions and designs in clothing?

Can you imagine how much raw materials, not to mention energy and costs, are used in providing those three consumables alone? Holiday travel, technical gadgets and fashion and cosmetics? 

Do they realise how much fuel alone would be saved if they did not go abroad on holiday? And how this would affect their carbon footprint? The same argument applies to ever changing electronic devices and cosmetic and fashion items.

In olden days people were lucky to go to the local beach for a few days as a vacation. Their only techie machine was a clothes mangle which they turned by hand. I remember we had one which we also used to push dough through and make round pizzas. And the only cosmetic was a red paste colouring made of beetroot which auntie used as a lipstick and to colour her cheeks red. (The ones on her face!)

Personally, I find advantages in being a grumpy old man, (or looking like one, because I'm not that old really).

For a start I can say what I want and people accept it. They say, "Oh it's him again ... better ignore him!" So I give them a piece of my mind, whereas a younger person would be more cautious of getting punched on the nose.

Yes, you can say what you want when you're old and get away with it. If you're Catholic, like me, you can go to confession and ask the priest if he's heard any good gossip lately.

Or you can put a stick of celery through someone's window and shout, "The Triffids have landed. The Triffids have landed!"

Or put a carrot on your shoulder and tell everyone you are a vegetarian pirate. Or poor cream on your shoulder and tell them your parrot had diarrhoea.

For a laugh you can put some cake, custard and jelly in someone's handbag and say, "Don't trifle with a woman's affections!" (For those young ones who don't know what a trifle is look it up on Google. For those old ones who don't know what Google is ask a young one to tell you).

If you have to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom; and you don't know what time it is. Just open a window and beat a drum, or blow on a trumpet or bagpipes. Someone is sure to shout: "Who's making all that **** racket at three in the morning?"

And finally ... and finally ... there's an advantage to being a grumpy old man. You can afford not to shave every day. You can wear ill-fitting clothes. And you can wear your trousers right up to your nipples and hold them there with a large belt as well as braces. And with such sartorial elegance you'd be the sex symbol for the woman who doesn't care any more.