1. When one door closes another door opens outwards and hits you in the face.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand-new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. Make-up can make you look beautiful on the outside; but it does not make you beautiful on the inside - even if you eat make-up.
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...Vitor, you have collected some gems. Is humour the same as humor?
ReplyDeleteHumour is spelled correctly - here in the UK.
DeleteKeep smiling and God bless, Tom.
Gods Blessings Victor: You have put a big smile on my face with this post, thank-you, have an amazingly beautiful day.
ReplyDeleteCatherine
It's always good to smile, Catherine. Smiles make other people smile too.
DeleteGod bless. Happiness always.
These are great! I can sure relate to #'s 6, 7 and 16.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, Mevely. Some of these apply to me too. But they make life interesting, I suppose.
DeleteGod bless you and yours.
Every Baby Boomer can most certainly identify with every one of these senior truths, Victor. Thanks for the laughs, and God bless!
ReplyDeleteSo true, Martha. The thing is, to "think" young no matter what one's age. Age is just a number, they say. The problem is having more candles than cake on one's Birthday.
DeleteGod bless always, my friend.
And here I thought lost socks went to the hozone layer. Thanks for setting me straight!
ReplyDeleteWhy are socks easy to lose but not gloves?
DeleteGod bless, Mimi.