Friday 1 May 2020

Gravity

Yesterday's post was all about Time Dilation and it was well received; namely by me because I learnt a lot from it.

Today's follow on post is about gravity.

Let me first of all explain that gravity has nothing to do with the thickness of the gravy which you pour on your joint of roast beef; or other meat that you may have with gravy on. I knew a couple whose gravy was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Which is more than can be said about the joint of meat they put on the table. You needed an electric chain saw to cut through that. They were very religious people as I recall because everything on the table was a burnt offering.

The food was so dry you could get more fibre from chewing the carpet.

Anyway, back to gravity. This is a serious subject; hence the etymological link to the word grave meaning solemn, sombre or severe.

So, we've established that gravity is a serious subject which has nothing to do with gravy. But it has a lot to do with what keeps us here on earth rather than floating haphazardly all over the place.

You see, when we were created all those years ago God wanted to distinguish us from the floating angels by keeping our feet firmly on the ground. If He meant us to fly, He would have given us wings. He wanted us to walk and enjoy this beautiful earth. As Velcro had not been invented, God created gravity to keep us firmly on earth.

Gravity was not discovered until many years later when a man called Isaac Newton sat under a tree and an apple fell on his head.

By the way, do you like the apples in the photo? They are from our garden from last year's crop.

So, Newton got hit with the apple and his first reaction was to look if his mother-in-law was around. He thought she had thrown the apple at him. I know that would have been my reaction too.

Eventually, he surmised that the apple could not just have floated in the air as a balloon. The fact that it did not, meant that something pulled it down to earth. Also, since party balloons had not been invented either, just like Velcro, he could not imagine how an apple, or anything else could have floated away. Remember, at the time of Newton the only things that flew were birds and things thrown by his wife or mother-in-law.

After a long period of marriage he eventually went to a lawyer seeking a divorce because his wife kept throwing things at him. The lawyer sympathised and asked him why he took so long to decide on divorce. He said his wife's aim was getting better.

So in essence Newton worked out that it was the pull of the earth, its magnetism if you like, that pulled things, and us towards the earth and stops us from floating away.

And as a side-line, this is where we get the expression that someone has a magnetic personality. My girl-friend had a magnetic personality. When she entered the kitchen all the cutlery stuck to her.

She was also very melancholy. Face like a melon and a body like a collie's.

Now, Newton's theory about gravity was disputed years later by Einstein who declared there is no such thing as gravity. He explained gravity as part of his general theory of relativity and said it was not a force as such, but a consequence of the curvature of spacetime cause by the uneven distribution of mass.

Personally I think this is a lot of hooey and Einstein would have been better off growing apples as good as mine instead of confusing people with his theories that to this day have served in giving people a headache.

So there you have it. Gravity is what God invented before man invented Velcro.

24 comments:

  1. A very lovely photo of apples from your garden. There were no naked people in fig leaves running around there when you picked them were there.
    You have an amazing mind and a gift for rewriting history. I must admit that your view is much funnier and more entertaining!
    Great post Victor!

    God's Blessings Always🌷

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    1. No ... only us ... no fig leaves either.

      I'm so glad you enjoyed my REAL version of events, Jan. Too much false news in science lessons these days.

      God bless.

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  2. God created gravity, man invented Velcro. Newton did not discover gravity, he just had enough time on his had to actually think about it.

    Einstein was before his time, which in his theory and based on yesterday's lesson means he is faster than light...or something...I've got to stop reading your posts, they either give me a bellyache from laughing or a headache from thinking.

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    1. The thing is, JoeH, honest ... the thing is ... it is all true. I tried to give a lecture on all this to academics in London and they refused me entry to the building.

      God bless always.

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  3. Learning is such fun on your blog, Victor! Can't wait for the next lesson!

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    1. Well, you'll love tomorrow's Chris. Just finished writing it.

      God bless you my friend.

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  4. Thanks for the humorous lesson. :)
    Those apples do look good!!

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    1. Yes, we were lucky with the apples and pears last year. Not so many figs though, but a few cherries.

      God bless, Happyone.

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  5. I love apples and put them in my porridge. Can you spare one or do you wait until they fall off the tree?

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    1. We normally pick them off the trees, Bill; because those that fall are eaten by the dog. I like to steam them (or stew them) a little with sultanas or currents and ground cinnamon and a few drops of orange juice (and a bit of whisky).

      God bless you, Bill.

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  6. Your apples are beautiful, Victor! And your rewrite of history? Hysterical as ever!
    Blessings!

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    1. So glad you like my version of history, Martha. More fun here soon.

      God bless.

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  7. Here, I was concerned I might not get past 'etymological' … but so glad I did. Methinks history teachers everywhere need to apologize for being so boring. You make it look easy!

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    1. I'll admit I had to check the meaning of etymological myself, Mevely. I sometimes make up words and then check whether they exist or not, and their meanings.

      I remember my history teacher was so old he was a piece of history himself. He told us that as a child, he played with dinosaurs - real ones!!!

      God bless, Mevely.

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  8. Such beautiful apples. You have reason to be proud of them. I assume you picked them, or did they just fall to the ground via gravity? This was a most entertaining post! Have a happy weekend!

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    1. Some did fall to the ground via gravity, Cathy, but the dog got to them first. These were hand-picked. So glad you enjoyed this post. Happy weekend to you too.

      God bless.

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  9. I think your apples look wonderful, nice to eat and perhaps use in recipes …

    Enjoy the rest of today and have a good weekend.

    All the best Jan

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    1. Thank you, Jan. We were fortunate with apples and pears last year. And a few cherries and strawberries too.

      Have a nice weekend. God bless.

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  10. You do grow some beautiful apples, and i am glad that gravity or something pulls them out of the tree so you can pick them up.

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    1. Thank you Mimi. We certainly had a good crop last year.

      God bless you.

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  11. You got me thinking. There must be a relationship between gravity and gravy...lol. That was funny.

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    1. True Manny. Gravity is what keeps the gravy on the plate and not all over our face and clothes.

      God bless you and yours.

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