Friday 22 May 2020

How not to carry fruit and vegetables.



Yes ... I know that some of you, my dear readers, do not believe every thing I write here. But I don't blame you really. There are times when I don't believe what I write either.

They say that truth will out. And honesty is the best policy.

But then ... "what is truth?" as Pontius Pilate said.

Or ... "you can't handle the truth!" as Jack Nicholson said.

So, I'll tell you the story and leave you to decide whether it is true or not; and whether you can handle it once you've decided on its veracity.

I had gone to the green grocers about half a mile or so from our house. I bought some apples, some pears, some potatoes and some carrots. They were quite heavy. About two kilos each of apples, pears and carrots and three kilos of potatoes.

The green grocer put them in a plastic bag which I carried back home. It was a long walk with all that weight.

Then suddenly the bag burst under all this weight and there were apples, pears, potatoes and carrots all over the ground.

How do I carry them home, I thought. Then genius struck.

I took off the shoe laces from my boots and tied them very tight round the legs of my trousers; just above the ankles.

Then I put the fruits and vegetables down my trousers. I put them in from the waist ... I can read your minds, you know.

When they were all tucked in my trouser legs I tightened my belt even more so as not to lose my trousers and held on to them by putting my hands in my pockets.

My legs were swollen by the weight of the fruits and vegetables therein.

I started my walk back home. It was like walking in the sea with water up to my waist. Very slow and very tiring.

Because I had no shoe laces I risked losing my boots if I lifted my feet up.

So I slid one foot a few inches forward; then slid the other foot next to it, then slid my foot a little further forward again, and slid my other foot near it.

Because my legs were swollen to more than twice their original size; the sliding forward was done in a semi-circle fashion rather than straight ahead as you would expect.

This walking, or sliding forward a few inches at a time, with my hands in my pockets was quite tiring, I tell you.

Everyone was watching me and wondering what was wrong with me. People coming up ahead towards me, suddenly stopped and crossed the road on the other side. They did not want to meet me in case my swollen legs syndrome was catching.

Others wondered why I had my hands in my pockets and shouted obscenities at me.

Cars nearly bumped into each other as they stopped to look at me rather than the way ahead.

Some drivers wound their windows down and shouted something unrepeatable here.

I eventually got home. My wife was not impressed by my ingenuity at carrying the fruits and vegetables home.

So what do you think? Truth or lies?

Whilst you're thinking about it ... why not just smile and let's sing this song together.

22 comments:

  1. Only a strange weird person with a warped imagination could think up such a story, so it must be real...right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Moi? Weird? Wiz a war ped imagination? Mais non, mon ami. I am as sane as ze river in Paris.

      God bless you, mon ami.

      Delete
  2. True or not, this is another amusing and clever story, Victor. It made me smile trying to envision you with trousers bulging with fruits and vegetables. Lesson: Take a cloth bag to the market next time!
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are always wise after the event, Martha, aren't we? Yes, next time I'll take a cloth bag. Or better still, I'll ask that old lady whom I visit from time to time to do the shopping for me. She needs the exercise.

      God bless you always. Keep smiling and be happy.

      Delete
  3. LOL...It was comical to imagine! And thank you for sharing your happiness! Have a wonderful weekend, Victor!

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    Replies
    1. It's good to be happy, Diane. It makes me smile.

      God bless you always.

      Delete
  4. Well if you're like me, and never buy fruit, your load would be lots lighter! :) Thanks for re-running that song, Victor. It certainly brightened my day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's good to be happy, Mevely. I'm trying my best here to spread happiness from my Blog. Let's share it around.

      God bless you, Mevely.

      Delete
  5. If I saw you walking down the street like that, you can bet I would take a photo of you. You would probably get lots of exposure and laughs. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Bill. Yes, I wish I could have taken a photo of myself. But then, if I took my hands out of my pockets my trousers would fall off.

      God bless, Bill.

      Delete
  6. They say truth is stranger than fiction. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I guess I'm the only one who could actually imagine you doing this :-)

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    Replies
    1. Really? I couldn't imagine it myself.

      God bless, Kathy.

      Delete
  8. Oh goodness! What a story!

    But those apples look very nice, and I did enjoy listening to Happiness.
    Thank you Victor.

    Wishing you a happy weekend ahead.

    All the best Jan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not quite sure, Jan, if this story is true or not. But the apples are; they're from our garden from last year. Happiness is such a cheerful song.

      God bless and happy weekend to you and yours.

      Delete
  9. If this had really happened, you would be the star of a viral video, so I think not. And thank you for the happy music, Victor:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Drat ... I should have videoed it!!! Drat ... I saw the whole situation in my mind but did not realise it would make a good video!!! I am now so angry with myself.

      This particular song, originally sang by Ken Dodd, an English comedian, always cheers me up.

      God bless you, Chris. Be happy.

      Delete
  10. Ah, you have been blessed with a great imagination. Whether it made you invent the idea of using your bootlaces that way, or made you invent the story, well, you know!

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    Replies
    1. Maybe I've invented the fact that I wrote this and you and others are reading it. What is reality after all? Is it not all borne from imagination?

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete

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