Wednesday 27 May 2020

My sensitivity.


I think I am generally a sensitive person always caring for other people's feelings as best I can; even though at times my own feelings are really hurt; like the many times Lego bricks are left lying on the carpet and I step on one of them in bare feet. I politely say "By Jove, that was a tad uncomfortable!" and move on, rather than let my real feelings come to the fore.

The point I'm trying to make here is that although I try my best in the "caring" department there are times when circumstances conspire to make me appear insensitive.

Years ago we had a guinea pig called Porcus. Why a Latin name, I don't know. I would have gladly named him Pork, or Bacon, or Ham ... but hey ... the family chose Porcus and that's what it was.

For a few days I was at home alone. The family had gone away and left me in charge of the dog, the cat, the goldfish and Porcus the guinea pig. Not a difficult task really, and plenty of time to watch a series of football games on TV.

All was well in the household until one morning ...

I got up and found Porcus dead in his cage. I shook him up to wake him ... but no, he would not move. I rattled the cage and shouted "Wakey Wakey Porcus" but he did not respond. He was as deaf as a deaf bat! (Best simile I could think of at the time).

I bounced him up and down on the floor but he still would not move. He was well and truly dead.

What an inconsiderate stupid creature! Why could he not die at any other time? Why choose the only time I am alone at home to decide to die? Was it because of the football? Was the TV too loud? Did he not like who won the game last night? Why die now and have everyone blaming me for not taking care of the animals in my care? It was meant to be an easy task after all!

More important ... what do I do with the dead Porcus?

I can't keep him until they come back because he'll begin to smell. Unless I keep him in the freezer! No ... that's stupid ... I'll be blamed for accidentally freezing him to death! Unless I keep him in the freezer and thaw him out in the microwave a few hours before they return! No ... that's stupid too ... I'll be asked when he died. If I tell the truth I'll be asked how come he is still "fresh" and not smelling after a few days of dying. If I lie that he'd just died, I'd have to go to Confession for lying. It's sometimes inconvenient being a Catholic and having to confess.

I've decided ... I have to get rid of Porcus.

How do I do that? Throw him in the trash can? That's not too dignified is it? Bury him in the garden? That's a possibility ...

For some unknown reason I decided to take the easy way out and give him a naval burial by flushing Porcus down the toilet.

Porcus took his revenge by blocking the toilet system. He got stuck in one of the pipes and would not go away.

I called a plumber ... have you tried calling a plumber in an emergency? They are all too busy for the next century and a half. The most amenable could only come in ten years' time. He said he'll be here in the afternoon because he was busy that morning!

Eventually a plumber arrived and sent Porcus on his way to a watery grave. He asked me what I'll do when the family gets home ... and suggested a replacement would ease the grief and get everyone to focus on naming the new pet.

Good idea ... off to the pet shop I went ... and then the next pet shop ... and the next ... there were no more guinea pigs in the whole wide world. We tried the planet next door, the whole galaxy ... no guinea pigs ...

I was offered a selection of hamsters. In sheer desperation I chose a hamster the same colour and size as Porcus.

As soon as they returned home and looked at the cage I heard "That's not a guinea pig ... it is a hamster!"

Why is it they have to educate children to know the difference between a guinea pig and a hamster? I mean ... does it really matter? It's small ... furry ... and fits in a cage!

So I had to admit it was a hamster and it was not Porcus doing an imitation of a hamster. I explained that Porcus had been swapped for a hamster because he was homesick and pining to see his family again.

They bought it ... phew ... my sensitivity had triumphed once again!

22 comments:

  1. What an ordeal! Personally, I think hamsters are more appealing creatures. What did the family decide to name him/her?

    May Porcus R.I.P.

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    1. I suggested Ham ... a good name for a hamster. They decided on Hamilton. What a stupid name!

      God bless, Mevely. Thank you for giving my Blog info to Sandra. Much appreciated.

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  2. What a terrible dilemma that was, Victor! No guinea pigs, even in the next galaxy over? Sorry that Porcus passed away, but glad the family accepted the replacement. Yes, my friend, you are sensitive! :)
    Blessings!

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    1. Thank you, Martha. Yes I am sensitive. I get an attachment as it were to the subject matter in hand. Remember that film years ago about a pig who herded sheep? I think it was called "Babe". When I saw it I had this urge for a bacon sandwich. Isn't that sensitive?

      God bless, Martha. Keep smiling.

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  3. Glad you came up with a solution that satisfied everyone. :)

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    1. Indeed Bill. No difference between a guinea pig and a hamster.

      God bless.

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  4. Whew, i was afraid you were going to try the one thing most people do, and that is to go buy a new pet that looks as much as possible like the old one as you can get. The family never, ever fall for that trick.

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    1. That's the problem with education, Mimi. They can tell the difference between a guinea pig and a hamster.

      God bless.

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  5. Yet again, a wonderful story. You didn't panic, but I had to laugh at your solution with the flushing down the toilet!! HaHa...a watery grave. Too bad he couldn't have just floated along until he was out to sea!!! Thanks for your fun and faithful stories. A fun way to start my day.

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    1. Perhaps I should have had him cremated. My wife's good at that in the kitchen.

      God bless, Wanda.

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    2. Yes, I think cremation would have been less plumbing problems. HaHa...about your wife in the kitchen. "Eat your burnt toast, and be quite",said his sweet wife as she whacked him on the head with the toaster!!

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    3. And that's another thing ... why is it they invent toasters with a "burnt to a cinder" setting? Who has toast burnt like that? Why don't they make toasters with a lower setting instead?

      God bless you, Wanda.

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  6. Poor Porcus, flushed and then to be replaced by a hamster. :)
    My daughter was very young, had a goldfish and one morning said to me, Goldie knows how to float!

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    1. I've often wondered. If fish can't swim, do they drown?

      God bless, Happyone.

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  7. I almost lost a goldfish in my care by failing to change the water. It was running out of oxygenated water. I revived him by blowing air in through a straw. I suppose it would be easier to replace a goldfish than a guinea pig.

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    1. That was very clever, JoeH. Mouth to mouth resuscitation through a straw. Did you know if you accidentally drop some orange juice in the water the goldfish will think he's melting?

      God bless always.

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  8. I can't believe all the close calls you get yourself into!

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  9. Hahaha, that is so funny. You should have buried him and put up a tombstone. ;)

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    1. On reflection, you are right Manny. Just tell the truth and say he died. Add more drama by saying he died because he missed the family being away and not taking him with them!

      It's great to see you here, Manny. We missed you.

      God bless.

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  10. It's not easy when a pet passes away, I was pleased to read that the family accepted the replacement …

    All the best Jan

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    1. He did not pass away, Jan. I needed a plumber to help him along!!!

      God bless.

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