Tuesday 3 August 2021

Newspaper Ads, Words of Wisdom

 

NEWSPAPER ADS

LOST - Small dog. Answers to, "Come boy ... here boy ..."

FOR SALE - Old bed 200 years old. Suitable for an antique lover, or similar age.

WANTED - Strippers. Experience of stripping machines an advantage.

EAR PIERCING AND TATTOOS - Ear piercing and tattoos while you wait. Any shape, any size, any where.

FOR SALE - Antique bedside table. Suitable for a lady. With thick legs and large drawers. 

JOB OPPORTUNITY - Sewing-machine mechanic to work in ladies' underwear.

SAINT VINCENT CHURCH - Don't let worry kill you. Let us help.

JOB OFFER - Wanted hair-cutter. Good growth potential.

WANTED - Someone to chew hay for a horse with bad teeth.

CINEMA POSTERS - And now, a wonderful movie about big colourful birds. From the makers of the Oscar winning film One Can ... we bring you the sequel ... Toucan!

This is a spectacular movie full of adventure. From the makers of Tim Buck 1 ... we are proud to present Tim Buck 2

Another great film success about colourful parrots. From the makers of Cock A One ... Cock A Two!

You'll love this film about the life and times of baby peas. From the makers of Mange One we present ... Mange Two.

And from the makers of Catch 21 we now present ... (you can guess, I'm sure). 

WORDS OF WISDOM

If you walk for ever you will never stop.

A man swimming in the sea is wet.

If you walk a mile in someone's shoes you'll be accused of stealing them.

It does not matter if your glass is half full or half empty as long as it does not leave a stain on the table.

To avoid a stain on the table place a coaster on your bottom.

Marriages are made in Heaven. Also thunder and lightning.

Is it ignorance or apathy that are destroying the world? I don't know and I don't care. 

As one door shuts another one opens outwards and hits you in the face.

19 comments:

  1. ...PIERCING AND TATTOOS are two things that I will never understand.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Tom. Over here in the UK people have them in VERY private places.

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. Okay I want the Antique bedside table. LOL I must agree with Tom above. I found a true statement for sure:
    Marriages are made in Heaven. Also thunder and lightning.
    Enjoyed the visit to your house. Sending the best to you across the big water.
    Sherry & jack

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad you enjoyed my words of (un)wisdom Jack.

      Let's keep smiling. God bless you and Sherry.

      Delete
  3. Pizazz! These are great, Victor. I most enjoyed the "Marriages made in Heaven, plus...."

    PS - If I ever share something about a new tattoo, send help. I've been kidnapped and I'm trying to signal you. 😉

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Got it ... I think ... about the tattoo ... I mean!

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  4. Thank you, you brought me many needed chuckles today. Thank you also for your prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I loved all of these, Victor. Thanks for the laughs!
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's good to laugh, Martha, in these grey days. It's been grey and raining all day here. After a while it gets one down.

      God bless you and yours.

      Delete
  6. As usual, your sense of humor has left me smiling -- Very uplifting and light-hearted. Have a great Wednesday with blessings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so pleased to have cheered you up, Nells. I know writing these cheered me up no end.

      God bless you and your family.

      Delete
  7. Dearest Victor,
    About the thunder and lightning that is very appropriate to our present weather here. On Tuesday last week we had a record lightning flashes. Resulting in several hours without power so early in bed by 8:00 PM... What could we do else?! Internet off for about 13 hours... Haha.
    Oh, if one would clip all the comical advertisements and/or Church bloopers, one could fill a book!
    Hugs,
    Mariette

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The weather here has not been too bright, Mariette. No thunder and lightning; but very grey. It can be very depressing when it is grey. Life becomes grey too if we're not careful. That's why laughter is important. You're right, all the ads and bloopers would fill a book.

      God bless always, my friend.

      Delete
    2. 📕📗📘📙

      Delete
  8. What fun to read - had me laughing out loud.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad I made you laugh, Happyone. Laughter is good for us and for the world. We should have World Laughter Day every day.

      God bless.

      Delete

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