I was enjoying Wile E Coyote and the Road Runner on TV. I like it when the Road Runner goes "beep beep" and speeds out into the horizon. I wish I could run that fast. I'd come and visit you for breakfast then be back home for supper.
When the program ended I was in a real good mood seeing this and other cartoons. I like watching cartoons when feeling really down. Better than having a drink of whisky or even coffee to lift one's spirits.
I turned channel and there was this news-reader who said something really terrible had happened somewhere or other far away. I can't remember what it was or where it happened.
Beginning to feel a little depressed I said, "why are you telling me all this?"
He stopped reading the news and said, "because it is important!"
I replied, "it is important to you, because you're a news-reader, and it is your job to read this depressing stuff. Why is it important to me?"
He said, "because you should know what is happening in the world!"
"Why?" I asked him.
"So that you are better informed. No man is an island," came the smart reply.
This annoyed me. I don't like glib smart-arsed clichés with no real meanings. Usually the people who use them are fatheads with no original thought or opinion of their own and they parrot what the last stomach gurgle has brought up.
"No man is an isthmus either," I said, "or a peninsula, or a dune or a desert. What's that to do with the price of fish?"
"What I meant to say," he said in a condescending tone of voice as if talking to a child, "is that there are things you should know about. Like global warming, melting of the ice cap, the environment ... as well as national and international things like politics, trade between countries, scientific discoveries, medical matters and ..."
I interrupted him, "look here mate" I said, "these things may be important to you because you're paid to make people miserable. I can't do anything to save the planet from global warming any more than you can control your flatulence to protect the ozone layer!"
Before he had time to answer, I switched the TV off.
He switched the TV on again and said, "your ostrich like behaviour is in itself one of the causes affecting the environment ..."
In pure anger and frustration I threw the remote control at him. I expected it to break the TV. Instead, it bounced back off the screen and hit me on the head so hard that I passed out.
Half-an-hour or so later my wife woke me up and said, "do you realise that going to sleep and leaving the TV on wastes electricity and it's bad for the environment!"
I'm sure that news-reader has got to her. He's brain-washed her. I'm certain of it. She's re-cycling everything and is so conscious of our carbon foot-print in case it harms the planet.
She's even stopped being amourous for a while in order to save energy!