Monday, 23 August 2021

Radio Phone-In


Have you noticed how on radio or TV phone-in programs the presenter, or guest, or Agony Aunt, are always very polite to the callers, regardless of the stupidity of their questions.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Hello everyone. We have on the program today Henrietta Hat, the Agony Aunt of a well-known magazine. She is here to answer your questions. And ... we have a caller on the line ... over to you caller ...

CALLER 1: Hello ... I'm a bit nervous ... this is my first time on your program ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Don't worry we're all friends here. What is your question? 

CALLER 1: Well ... some days I seem to be eating a lot. I have breakfast. Then go back to the fridge and have something else, like a piece of cheese. Then potato chips and this and that. It's like I can't stop myself. Why is that?

HENRIETTA HAT: It's either because you've got worms or you're a greedy so and so ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Easy ... easy ... Henrietta. That's not how we talk to our callers.

HENRIETTA HAT: Well someone's got to tell her the facts or else ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: We now move on to another caller on line two. Hello caller. What is your question?

CALLER 2: Ehm ... I'm hesitant because my problem is like the previous caller. Sometimes I go to the fridge, open the door, look here and there and don't fancy anything, so I close the fridge and go away. I keep doing that, but never find something good to eat. 

HENRIETTA HAT: Good Heavens ... not another one ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Easy now Henrietta!

HENRIETTA HAT: Well, the solution is simple. Either fill the fridge with things that you like to eat; or better still, take the fridge door off. This way you won't need to open and close the fridge and loose the cool air inside. You know how to take the door off, don't you? Just unscrew the hinges, or get your husband to do it for you!

RADIO ANNOUNCER: That's not very politically correct, Henrietta. Telling her to get her husband to do it. I'm sure she's perfectly capable to ...  

HENRIETTA HAT: Oh phooeee ... there's too much political correctness these days. Look where it got us. If she can't make up her mind whether to eat or not she'd hardly have the brains to unscrew the hinges off the door ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: What's you're problem Caller Number 3?

CALLER 3: I keep dreaming I am being chased by a mandrill.

HENRIETTA HAT: What's a mandrill?

CALLER 3: I don't know.

HENRIETTA HAT: How do you know it is a mandrill chasing you?

CALLER 3: Because he has a badge on his chest saying "Mandrill". He is chasing me and I run away. And he takes my electronic tablet on which I have stored all my books to read. And he breaks it and eats it.

HENRIETTA HAT: That's one weird dream, lady. Does it happen often?

CALLER 3: Yes ... every night for the past month. I told my husband about it.

HENRIETTA HAT: Does he look like a mandrill, perhaps? What did your husband say?

CALLER 3: What's a mandrill? He did not know what it was either.

HENRIETTA HAT: What happened next?

CALLER 3: My husband suggested I go to a psychiatrist. Which I did.

HENRIETTA HAT: That's a good move. What did the psychiatrist say?

CALLER 3: What's a mandrill?

HENRIETTA HAT: So we've established that neither you, nor your husband, nor I nor the psychiatrist know what a mandrill is. For all we know you might be being chased by a monkey. I 'll ask the Radio Announcer ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: I have looked it up in the dictionary whilst you were talking.


RADIO ANNOUNCER: It's a French dictionary ... and someone has torn out the whole M section.

HENRIETTA HAT: Look caller, next time you have this dream just draw on a piece of paper who is chasing you and come back to this radio program next week. In the meantime, we'll try to find out what  a mandrill is. This may be very significant in interpreting your stupid dream. Goodbye! 

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Next caller please.

CALLER 4: Hi ... I sometimes wake up in the morning and feel very lethargic with low energy. What is that?

HENRIETTA HAT: Simple ... you are a lazy man who should be at work to feed your family ...

RADIO ANNOUNCER: You can't say that, Henrietta. You can't call our callers lazy.

HENRIETTA HAT: Why not? If it's the truth.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: And that's the end of the show ... doesn't time fly? See you all next week listeners when our guest will be someone really different ... I hope!


  1. ...with a radio like that do you have crank tele?

    1. Yes ... it is one of those new black and white ones with a very small screen about six inches wide.

      God bless, Tom.

  2. I enjoyed the read and your wit. I have at times answered the callers as Henhi-Hat did, a I drove down the road. LOL
    Thanks for the smiles, I needed them.

    1. Sometimes people phone in with the silliest of issues to be sorted. There are so many in the world with worst problems.

      God bless, Jack and Sherry.

  3. What is a mandrill?
    Blessings, Victor, and thanks for today's laugh!

    1. I don't know what's a mandrill. I think she's making a monkey out of me.

      God bless, Martha.

  4. I bet when the hosts get stupid questions they are gritting their teeth so their real feelings don't come out.

    1. Exactly. They must act professional and try not to offend the stupid callers.

      God bless you, Kathy.

  5. What a breath of fresh air! Not the same thing, but this reminds me when I worked at the resort and the Guest Services staff was schooled how to smile and what to say. I'm still Facebook friends with one lady, and cracked up at something she posted last week. "We're glad to have you stay with us!" (but what we REALLY mean, we wish you'd stayed home.").

    1. Yes, that's my point, Mevely. You hear them on radio, or see them on TV; the program hosts and guests are always so polite and friendly and sympathetic. You can see it in their faces they don't mean it. But are too polite to tell the caller to grow up, there are many in this world worse off than you. The other day one caller was complaining about a plant in her house drying out. It's a good thing I was not in the studio answering her!

      God bless.

  6. Henrietta needs to have one of her unpolitically correct conversations with some of today’s politicians. Oops, I don’t think that statement is politically correct. So sue me! Lol. I loved this! What a hoot. Blessings and don’t call in when Henrietta is a guest on the show.

    1. Politicians too ... over here they never give you a straight answer when on TV. They think we can't see through their tricks.

      God bless, Nells.

  7. Dearest Victor,
    Oh, IF they just could reply to stupid questions the way they 'ought to'...!
    As long as said Mandrill does not open his mouth, it is okay. They got some nasty fangs.

    1. What a dream !!! A mandrill chasing her and eating her electronic tablet. They are dangerous creatures.

      God bless you, Mariette.

  8. They should change formats. We all know podcasts are the new "Talk Show".

    1. I didn't know you can carry out a two-way conversation on a Podcast. I thought it was like a video on You Tube but without the pictures.

      God bless, Lulu.

  9. That's a pretty weird dream.

  10. Mercy but you run across some interesting characters!

    1. Life is full of surprising people, is it not?

      God bless you, Mimi.

  11. I'm the NOT Henrietta Hat and I'm a bit concerned about caller number 4, now don't cut me off Mr Announcer, this could be serious. Perhaps he needs more sleep and should go to bed earlier. Or he may be anemic and should see a doctor.
    I haven't heard any talkback shows in years and none of the agony aunt type shows, those usually show up as columns in the back pages of the crossword puzzle magazines I buy, the ones where you can enter and win prizes.

  12. The Mandrill is the great blue-faced or rib-nosed baboon. That's what my old dictionary says.

    1. I am often surprised as to why people call these radio/TV programs and air their problems in the open to the world, rather than seek professional advice from a doctor, psychiatrist, counsellor or zoologist even.

      God bless, River.

  13. Barbra Mandrell was a very popular country musician...probably not the same. She was very pretty, if I was chased by that Mandrell, I would trip on purpose, dream or not.



God bless you.