Have you noticed how on radio or TV phone-in programs the presenter, or guest, or Agony Aunt, are always very polite to the callers, regardless of the stupidity of their questions.
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Hello everyone. We have on the program today Henrietta Hat, the Agony Aunt of a well-known magazine. She is here to answer your questions. And ... we have a caller on the line ... over to you caller ...
CALLER 1: Hello ... I'm a bit nervous ... this is my first time on your program ...
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Don't worry we're all friends here. What is your question?
CALLER 1: Well ... some days I seem to be eating a lot. I have breakfast. Then go back to the fridge and have something else, like a piece of cheese. Then potato chips and this and that. It's like I can't stop myself. Why is that?
HENRIETTA HAT: It's either because you've got worms or you're a greedy so and so ...
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Easy ... easy ... Henrietta. That's not how we talk to our callers.
HENRIETTA HAT: Well someone's got to tell her the facts or else ...
RADIO ANNOUNCER: We now move on to another caller on line two. Hello caller. What is your question?
CALLER 2: Ehm ... I'm hesitant because my problem is like the previous caller. Sometimes I go to the fridge, open the door, look here and there and don't fancy anything, so I close the fridge and go away. I keep doing that, but never find something good to eat.
HENRIETTA HAT: Good Heavens ... not another one ...
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Easy now Henrietta!
HENRIETTA HAT: Well, the solution is simple. Either fill the fridge with things that you like to eat; or better still, take the fridge door off. This way you won't need to open and close the fridge and loose the cool air inside. You know how to take the door off, don't you? Just unscrew the hinges, or get your husband to do it for you!
RADIO ANNOUNCER: That's not very politically correct, Henrietta. Telling her to get her husband to do it. I'm sure she's perfectly capable to ...
HENRIETTA HAT: Oh phooeee ... there's too much political correctness these days. Look where it got us. If she can't make up her mind whether to eat or not she'd hardly have the brains to unscrew the hinges off the door ...
RADIO ANNOUNCER: What's you're problem Caller Number 3?
CALLER 3: I keep dreaming I am being chased by a mandrill.
HENRIETTA HAT: What's a mandrill?
CALLER 3: I don't know.
HENRIETTA HAT: How do you know it is a mandrill chasing you?
CALLER 3: Because he has a badge on his chest saying "Mandrill". He is chasing me and I run away. And he takes my electronic tablet on which I have stored all my books to read. And he breaks it and eats it.
HENRIETTA HAT: That's one weird dream, lady. Does it happen often?
CALLER 3: Yes ... every night for the past month. I told my husband about it.
HENRIETTA HAT: Does he look like a mandrill, perhaps? What did your husband say?
CALLER 3: What's a mandrill? He did not know what it was either.
HENRIETTA HAT: What happened next?
CALLER 3: My husband suggested I go to a psychiatrist. Which I did.
HENRIETTA HAT: That's a good move. What did the psychiatrist say?
CALLER 3: What's a mandrill?
HENRIETTA HAT: So we've established that neither you, nor your husband, nor I nor the psychiatrist know what a mandrill is. For all we know you might be being chased by a monkey. I 'll ask the Radio Announcer ...
RADIO ANNOUNCER: I have looked it up in the dictionary whilst you were talking.
HENRIETTA HAT: And?
RADIO ANNOUNCER: It's a French dictionary ... and someone has torn out the whole M section.
HENRIETTA HAT: Look caller, next time you have this dream just draw on a piece of paper who is chasing you and come back to this radio program next week. In the meantime, we'll try to find out what a mandrill is. This may be very significant in interpreting your stupid dream. Goodbye!
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Next caller please.
CALLER 4: Hi ... I sometimes wake up in the morning and feel very lethargic with low energy. What is that?
HENRIETTA HAT: Simple ... you are a lazy man who should be at work to feed your family ...
RADIO ANNOUNCER: You can't say that, Henrietta. You can't call our callers lazy.
HENRIETTA HAT: Why not? If it's the truth.
RADIO ANNOUNCER: And that's the end of the show ... doesn't time fly? See you all next week listeners when our guest will be someone really different ... I hope!