At the vet ...

 

I went to see the vet. My pet mosquito was not well. I took it in a jar. The vet told me to sit on the couch. I told her I'm not allowed on the couch. She asked me what was the problem. I told her I keep thinking I'm a dog. She asked when did this start. I told her since I was a puppy.

She asked about the mosquito. I told her it's not feeling well. I let it out in the garden at night to go fend for itself and feed. It comes back in the morning exhausted and gasping for breath. It's losing weight.

She asked me how do I know. I said I weigh her on the bathroom scales. First me and the mosquito on my finger. Then me alone. And I subtract the two weights and the difference is the mosquito.

I said I think the mosquito is not eating any more. She said it's probably become vegetarian. It happens sometimes. People decide not to eat meat any more. And mosquitoes are people, aren't they? This one has probably gone vegetarian and will not take blood.

How can this be possible, I asked her. Seems strange, she said, but the other day she had a lion here who would only eat lettuce. I asked her what she did. She replied "lettuce prey!" 

Then she explained that she also had a claustrophobic tortoise. It was too afraid to go into its shell. She operated and gave the tortoise a new shell made of glass. Now it goes in and thinks it is out.

Also a goldfish which would not swim because water got in its eyes. So she designed special goggles for it and now it swims happily.

And an eagle with a fear of heights. He would just hop along and not fly. So she taught him to eat worms.

How about my mosquito, I asked. She said she wanted to take its blood pressure but did not know which arm or leg to use. Besides, does a vegetarian mosquito have blood?

I suggested a blood transfusion. She said her assistant Rocky had a compatible blood type; but try taking blood out of a stone!

I left totally dejected, although I did not know what it meant. So I bought a dictionary on the way home. It was a French dictionary so I can now always find the mot juste. 

Last night I let my mosquito go as usual. This morning it returned with another mosquito. It was in love all along. So I composed a love song for them ...

Knock knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
A mosquito

Knock knock
Who's there?
Anna
Anna who?
Another mosquito

Knock knock
Who's there?
Wherzee
Wherzee who?
Where zee blazes are all zeese mosquitoes eez coming from?
(French accent from French dictionary)