Forgiveness YES - Reconciliation NO

“Father … I have a problem with forgiving” said Sonia as she folded the last of the vestments and put them away in their cupboard in the Sacristy.

Father Ignatius was checking some paper work at a small desk in the corner of the large room. There was a tray there and parishioners were invited to place their messages, notices and sundry bits and pieces of information intended for the weekly Church Newsletter. The priest was reading through them in preparation for printing the Newsletter that evening. He stopped what he was doing and asked:

“What do you mean? A problem with forgiving …”

Sonia hesitated.

“I know you’ve always said we should forgive with all our heart … unreservedly … if we want God to forgive us our sins. I understand that … and I try as best I can to forgive wholeheartedly …”

“I can foretell a ‘but’ coming up …” smiled the priest, “but in this case …”

She smiled back.

“But in this case it is different …” she continued.

“There’s this woman at work who has hurt me really bad. She lied about me Father. And as a result I was severely reprimanded by our manager and I was made to lose a day’s pay … which I cannot afford.

“We used to be friends and all … but she lied to cover up her mistake and I got unfairly punished. This happened about two weeks ago.”

“This is terrible,” said Father Ignatius frowning at the unfairness of what he’d just heard. “Is there not some sort of appeal procedure at your workplace? Someone to talk to about it perhaps."

“No … that’s not the problem Father,” Sonia said.

“The thing is, this woman came to see me yesterday and apologized profusely for what she had done. She cried her heart out and said she could not have been found out to have made yet another mistake. She was on her last warning and another mistake would mean losing her job. That’s why she lied and put the blame on me. She begged me to forgive her … which I did straight-away Father. I told her to think no more about it and that all was now OK.”

“That’s very generous and loving of you … so what is the problem?” asked the priest.

“She wants us to be friends again, as before. We used to visit each other at our homes … and we’d shop together, or pick up each others’ children from school and so on … she wants everything to be as before.

“I find that very difficult … I just can’t trust her any-more and I want us to keep our distance. I forgive her as I said; but I can’t go back as before. My husband agrees and says I should no longer speak to her. I think I can speak and be nice to her at work but that’s as far as it goes; I can’t be friends again. Is my forgiveness worthless?”

“No … it is not worthless,” replied Father Ignatius gently, “when we forgive someone else, we touch their very soul with the merciful love of Jesus Christ our Lord.

“You’ve been hurt Sonia … hurt and punished unfairly and undeservedly.

“When we forgive people it means that we no longer hold their wrongdoings to account. We no longer bear them any malice or ill-feelings or ill-will.

“We acknowledge that we forgive them and we let them go their own way free from any fear of punishment or retribution on our part.

“This doesn’t mean however that we forget the pain caused to us. How can we? The hurt is imprinted in our memory and try as we might the chances are that we’ll remember it time and again. It’s only natural … it’s human nature. You forgave her and told her so …”

Sonia nodded; holding back her tears.

“And that’s all that is expected of you …” continued the priest gently, noticing that she was very upset at the mere thought of the event.

“We all have a right … a duty even … to protect ourselves and to protect our loved ones …

“If we feel uncomfortable about a particular situation or relationship, we have every right to distance ourselves from it.

“For very understandable reasons you feel uncomfortable at being friendly with this person as you were before; visiting each other and picking each others’ children from school and so on.

“There’s nothing wrong with that … tell her politely that you’ve forgiven her and that you feel both of you should leave it at that. An amicable relationship from a distance …”

“But …” Sonia interrupted, “how can that be forgiveness? By keeping my distance implies that I’m still holding something against her. She knows that … you and I know that … and God knows that …”

Father Ignatius smiled.

“Oh yes … God knows that all right … and He knows the reason behind it too …” he said.

“Let me tell you a story …

“Jesus once taught His disciples and His followers about Himself.

“He said, ‘whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood lives in me, and I live in him’

“A number of His followers found this difficult to understand. What does He mean … eat His flesh and drink His blood? Many today, find this very concept difficult to understand; so you can imagine how it was in those times.

“So a number of Christ’s followers decided to leave and no longer follow Him.

“What did Jesus do?

“He didn’t call them back. He didn’t say, ‘Wait, let me explain … this is what I meant to say …’ He didn’t compromise His position in any way …

“He just let them go … and He even asked His twelve disciples, ‘How about you … do you want to go as well?’

“You see Sonia … Jesus forgave them and let them go … He didn’t curse them and send plagues and pestilence on them and their families for generations …”

She smiled again feeling a little calmer.

“He just forgave them and let them go …

“Which is what you should also do …” said Father Ignatius serenely.

ADDITIONAL REFLECTIONS

Often we tend to confuse the real meaning of forgiveness.

Let us remember that we are humans. We can't help it ... that's the way we are, the way God made us, with a multitude of various emotions, fears, hopes and ways of interpreting many situations in our lives. We're complex creatures. He had His reasons to create us this way.

Being human, one of our first instincts is to protect ourselves and the ones we love. Another feature of our humanity is the ability to remember ... the good times, but more specifically the bad times.

The worse the bad times, the more terrible they've been, the more they are imprinted in our memories.

Anything can and will trigger these memories again ... visiting a place, seeing a photo, hearing a particular song ... anything ... and the bad memories come flooding back again. That's the price we pay for being human.

Christ said: "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who hurt us."

Thank God that He does not hold us to the strict letter of this particular contract; otherwise we'd all be taking the fastest elevator going down!

Yet ... He does hold us to the intent of that particular contract we recite in the Lord's Prayer.

He asks us to forgive ... that's the important thing. Not just seven times but seventy times seven … and many times more than that as well.

Forgiving someone means that we no longer hold a grudge, or any ill-will or ill-feelings towards them or the hurt they have caused us. We let them go in peace free of fear of any revenge or retribution on our part.

This applies whether we tell them that they are forgiven, or whether they have moved away, or perhaps never asked or sought our forgiveness, and perhaps they don’t even care about our feelings.

What matters is that in our hearts we have truly forgiven them; and, here’s the difficult bit, … we can prove it to God should He ask us to.

Of course the memories will come back … we can’t help that. But let’s use them positively by forgiving once again. Let us use them as a reminder to pray for the ones who hurt us. Let us say to God : “Please look after that person. Enlighten them and lead them to find your love as I have found it too.”

Would it not be wonderful if as a result of our hurt … and our prayers … someone finds God, perhaps for the first time.

Christ has His memories too when He sees the scars in His hands, feet and side. I believe He uses these memories to forgive us yet again.

I doubt very much that the Virgin Mary has forgotten the Crucifixion. But she forgives again and again.

Having truly forgiven, it is our right and duty to keep our distance from that person if we feel they create a threat to us or our loved ones. Keeping our distance is NOT a sin, and it does not mean that we haven’t forgiven or that our forgiveness is worthless.

The world has seen many evil people over the years who have caused great hurt and pain to many. Whilst in our moments of prayers perhaps we can attempt to forgive them; this does not mean that we should leave them to freely continue with their actions. It is our duty as individuals, and as nations, to protect ourselves and our loved ones from those intent on doing us harm. Forgiveness does not mean accepting evil and allowing it to succeed.

In the story above, Jesus would have forgiven the woman and continued the friendship with her. But we are not Jesus. We are humans, and most of us would not be able to do that.

Being human we can only forgive as humans. We cannot possibly forgive as He has forgiven, no matter how hard we try.

He was human, but He was/is God too … and that’s a level of forgiveness we can never achieve.

We can only hope to live by the intent of that particular contract in the Lord’s Prayer.

God bless.

Forgiveness

 

 

YOU'VE BEEN HURT SO MUCH ...

 

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY FORGIVE?

 

What Jesus said about ... (series)

 

What Jesus said about ... forgiveness.

Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, if my brother keeps sinning against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” answered Jesus, “but seventy times seven.” Matthew 18: 21-22

Forgiveness is an act, not a feeling. You decide, actively, that you will forgive someone who has hurt you. This means you will not seek revenge, retribution, compensation or feel resentment or ill-will towards the person who did you wrong. 

Of course, the memories will linger on. The slightest event will bring back the whole situation to your mind and will make you angry or upset once again. This is only natural. Don't worry. Use these moments of remembering again as an opportunity to actively forgive once more. Hand over the person who hurt you to God. Pray for them. You cannot possibly hate someone you pray for. Say to God, "I hand this person to your love and mercy. Forgive them for me!"

What if the person who has hurt you, and never sought your forgiveness, is now dead?

He is no longer your concern. Stop agonising about it. This person is now before God and has seen the situation in all its facets. God will now deal with the situation and that person's role in it. You should pray for that person when the memory of the wrong-doing comes to mind.

What if you need to seek forgiveness from someone who is now dead?

Obviously, it is now too late to seek forgiveness from him. But it is never too late to seek forgiveness from God. Confess your wrong-doing to God and honestly and earnestly ask for His forgiveness. Provided you are sincere and repent God will forgive you.

And once God has forgiven you this is the end of the matter. Stop picking at the situation over and again. Stop feeling guilty at your wrong-doing. God has forgiven you. By picking at the situation you are insulting God in that you are saying He has not forgiven you. That He was wrong that He forgave you. 

How do you think He feels about that? Doubting His love, His mercy and His forgiveness.

Accept His forgiveness graciously and move on with a joyful heart.

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:24

Let's get real

 

This article is likely to be harsh, brutal even. It was inspired by a discussion on TV.

It seems that in the 21st Century we have bred a generation of "entitled" people who believe the whole world owes them something as of right, even God. This selfish attitude is symbolised in the belief amongst some Christians that a loving God would not really send any of His creations to Hell for eternity.  Surely God would not do that, they say. A loving parent certainly wouldn't, so if God is our Father, as Jesus said, then He would not let His children perish in Hell for eternity.

Such belief is wrong and totally stupid. For a start, God does not send anyone to Hell. People choose to go to Hell by their own behaviour here on earth and when they die they are judged accordingly by a fair and just Creator God. Hell exists for sure, as does Heaven. Jesus taught this so many times as recorded in the Gospels and elsewhere in the Bible. Whichever is our eventual destiny is up to us and no one else.

Another false belief is that God is forgiving, and He will eventually forgive all of us anyway, even the devil. Another load of nonsense. Of course, God is forgiving, but He is no fool; no push-over. He will forgive those who, in this life, genuinely repent of their sins and seek His forgiveness. 

The devil exists all right, he is no euphemism for being naughty and doing wrong. He is a living spirit like angels. In fact the devil was an angel originally who rebelled against God. God in His infinite love and mercy let him and his followers go free throughout the world. Their rebellion is accentuated by the fact that they roam free to encourage us to follow their example and turn away from God.

God can hardly forgive someone who has never asked for forgiveness and is intent to work against God's wishes and Commandments. This applies to the devil and also includes us.

Yet another contorted logic questions why a loving God does not hear or answer our prayers. Let's get real about this. God owes us nothing. He loves us and listens to all our prayers but that does not mean He has to answer. 

He does not have to explain why some prayers are answered and others are not, or why some things happen to us like tragedies, disasters and so on. If God answered every prayer then there would be no more funerals in the world and we would live for ever. God is not a magician or genie ready to respond to our every selfish demand. He is God. We are not. It is time we remembered this and treat Him with love and respect rather than serve Him in an advisory capacity.

There is right now a lot of false teachings amongst the Christian communities; and this does no good to either Christians, or to those who are interested in joining our beliefs. 

Christianity requires Faith. Faith is to believe when your common sense tells you not to. 

To be sure of the things we hope for and to be certain of the things we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1)

Forgiveness

 

What if ...

 

What if God said to you, "I know your failings, your inadequacies,  your shortcomings, and your weaknesses, but I still want you to do something for me!"

What would you say?

What if He then said to you, "You know there is someone in your life you are not at peace with. Someone you have fallen off with. I want you to contact this person and try to make peace, to reconcile your differences before it is too late. I will make sure that person is receptive."

What would you do?

Because in reality, I guess we all have had an argument with someone which at the time seemed very important; more important than the whole world itself. But now, with the passage of time, is it really that important? Is it fundamental an issue that separates us apart?

Or is it a matter that can be resolved and influence our eternity? 

All you need is love

 

Chances are we have all known love of some kind or another in our lives. Parental love, marriage, friendships, partnerships and so on. And the chances are that love has been betrayed and hurt in our lives.

Some may well have been able to truly forgive and move on in life. But in reality, somewhere deep within, the hurt lingers on and makes us wary and careful in life compared to previously.

Imagine this: you are in Heaven and the person you were in love with, the person you married and divorced in acrimonious circumstances, is also there.

How do you feel?

It could be any other person who betrayed your love, not just a marriage partner. Someone you were close to betrayed you harshly.

How do you feel seeing them in Heaven?

On this question, the rest of your eternity could depend.

Oh ... not that again.

 

I make no apologies for returning to this subject again. I am sure that at least one of my readers needs to hear this message today.

I regularly check the statistics on this Blog. They are usually in three digits. So if one person in a hundred gets something from this post today then it was worth repeating.

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25

If you know something and don't act on it then you are convicted/condemned in the eyes of God. So there you have it. Now you know.

God is asking you; telling you, to forgive or else He will not forgive you.

I have been hurt badly by someone in life. I have tried to forgive that person and asked God in prayer to forgive them and care for them. But if I meet that person again I'd punch them on the nose. Perhaps not literally but figuratively speaking. Because being with that person would not only re-open old wounds but would also place me and others in similar situations as before.

Does that make my forgiveness invalid?

We all owe it to ourselves to protect ourselves and our loved ones from evil and harm. It is our responsibility and duty to do so. If by returning to the previous state of affairs puts us at risk, it is right not to place ourselves in that situation. We can forgive someone without returning to the status quo. God understands and respects such a decision.

But what if that person asks for our help?

Difficult one this. It is also our duty in the eyes of God to help that person as best we can. To say you forgive them and to withhold our help is the same as not forgiving them.

In my books, I have often written that this world will never know peace until it learns to forgive. 

But what is world peace? World peace is when we all genuinely forget the past and truly forgive with a view to moving forwards in love and harmony as God commanded.

And it starts with one person at a time. Starting with you ... and me.

Forgiveness.

 

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, if my brother keeps on sinning against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Seven times?”

“No, not seven times,” answered Jesus, “but seventy times seven ..." Matthew 18:21 onwards.

By my calculations this makes 490 times. I've forgiven someone 489 times; so they're getting very close to a thump on the head!  

Seriously though, Jesus is teaching us here to forgive any wrongdoings against us time and again. But what is forgiveness?

It is to accept the wrongdoing done to us and not to seek any revenge, retribution, punishment, pay-back of any ill-will against the one who hurt us. To just let him go freely. Whether he has asked for forgiveness or not. Whether he cares for our forgiveness or not. Just let him go and in your heart truly forgive him.

This does not necessarily mean reconciliation. There are times when reconciliation is not possible, nor advisable. Just let the person go freely in peace.

Also, this does not mean that the hurt will go away. Often the hurt will remain with you. The slightest memory, and the pain and the hurt of the wrongdoing done to you will return. Use this as a trigger to forgive once again. Whenever Jesus sees the wounds in His hands, feet and side He forgives once again. Be like Jesus.

When the bad memories come back pray for the one who hurt you. You cannot possible hate anyone you pray for.

And should you hear news or gossip that something bad has happened to the one who has hurt you, do not rejoice at his misfortune. This nullifies all your forgiveness.    

If the person who has hurt you has passed away, He is now in the sight of God and has seen the event in all its facets and his role, and yours, in it. The matter is between him and God now.

If you were in any way guilty in the event, ask God for forgiveness and earnestly repent for your part in it. 

And accept God's forgiveness. Don't keep going back on the events and wonder if you've been forgiven, and feel guilty all over again. By doing so you're insulting God by suggesting He hasn't truly forgiven you.

Now ... have you got a calculator?

Forgive the fools

 

Today, in church, just after Communion, I found myself thinking about all those people who did me wrong in life. I don't know why I thought of them. Somehow, they all came to mind.

There have been several people who have hurt me over the years. All individual incidents who have come and gone, the people involved are no longer in my life, and I've survived most of the wrongdoings done to me. There are times when after the wrong has been done and has stopped, you still have to live with the after-effects of the wrong for the rest of your life. But I'm doing well.

In my thoughts I wondered, were all these people evil? Bad people who set out to do wrong? Or were they misguided? Influenced by some other evil, perhaps the devil? Or were they just plain stupid? Idiots following their beliefs and self-important opinions to the detriment of someone else - me.

I concluded that in most cases they were not really evil. But I had to forgive them all the same, even though I realise now they were fools.

When Christ hung there on the Cross, He said, "Forgive them because they don't know what they are doing." Not because they are evil.

The Jewish leaders and their followers thought they were defending the Law. The Law given to them by Abraham, Moses and the prophets. They were defending their positions as leaders. They feared a Roman response in their occupied land.

Yet here they had amongst them the very Son of God and they could not see it. They were blinded by their own beliefs and prejudices. Perhaps aided and abetted by the devil as he did to Judas.

They crucified the Son of God.

Was it pure evil? Misguided judgement? Or a bit of both?

"Forgive them, they don't know what they are doing."

Forgiveness

 

You know ... every now and then I thumb through some of my books and ask myself, "Did I really write this?" Sometimes, I don't even remember writing some of the phrases or sayings in my stories.

I was reading my first book "Visions" the other day, and a sentence jumped out of the page and hit my conscience. "This world cannot know peace until it learns to forgive".

"Visions" was written back in 2007, (re-printed in 2016), yet today, the world is still short of peace.

Wherever you look, it seems there's someone withholding forgiveness.

Everyone in this world has someone they need to forgive. That's because we have all been hurt in one way or another. Yes ... including you and me. You have been hurt, and perhaps, deep inside your heart, there is someone you still need to forgive.

What's more, we have all hurt someone in our lives. And we too need forgiveness. Perhaps we never asked. Maybe we were, or still are, too proud to ask for forgiveness. Because we believe we were in the right, and the other person was wrong. So why should we be the ones asking for forgiveness?

You see ... we all need to forgive or be forgiven. No one is immune. Not even me.

I have been hurt really badly in the past, and every day I am reminded of it. Have I truly forgiven? I don't know. I know I've tried, but the memories keep flooding back. So does my forgiveness count?

Most surely I too am in need of forgiveness. But perhaps it is now too late to ask for it. Time has moved on but certainly not the pain.

For the world to know peace it needs to learn to forgive. And this starts with each one of us. One person at a time.

Let us look deeply in our hearts and see if there's someone we need to forgive. Even if we can't do it in person, let us truly forgive them in our heart by handing them over to the Lord. Let us pray for them. Right now. You cannot possibly dislike or hate someone you pray for.

If that person has passed away, then let us not dwell on the matter any more. They have now seen and understand the situation with the help of the Lord. They know what happened which led to the need for forgiveness all round. All we need do now is pray for them.

If we need forgiveness ourselves for what we have done, and can seek it from those we have hurt, then let us do so. Whether it is granted or not.

If circumstances prevent us from seeking forgiveness from those we have hurt, then let us seek it from the Lord.

By starting, one person at a time, maybe forgiveness will slowly create peace in this world, one person at a time.

Forgiveness ... HA !!!

 

There was a "religious" program on TV the other day and they were talking about forgiveness. They were explaining that we should forgive other people who have hurt us or done wrong because it is for our own good. Forgiving others will make us feel good.

Wrong.

I'll admit that forgiving someone can be cathartic and will help us move on in life; but that is not the reason to forgive others. Christ did not teach us to forgive others in order to feel good or better. Forgiveness is not an exercise of one-upmanship. I am better than you because I forgave you. When God forgives our sins He does not do so in order to feel better and happy. That is not why Jesus died. God forgives us because He is merciful and desires a one-to-one personal relationship with Him in Heaven for eternity. 

In the Lord's Prayer Jesus said "forgive us as we forgive others"; meaning being compassionate, loving, merciful and caring. Not for an ulterior motive of being or feeling good and warm and cosy inside.

It seems to me there is a new trend to teach a modern Christianity which interprets the Word of God to suit our own selfish needs.

Forgive me Lord

 

I wonder ... how many of us ask God for forgiveness when we pray? When we are alone in prayer, we most likely ask for favours, we request healing for others or oursleves, we may even thank God every now and then for what we have and for answered prayers ... but how often do we ask for forgiveness?

You know how it is ... we all sin. We lose our temper with someone else, we get impatient, we half-listen when someone is talking and possibly interfering with our TV viewing ... there are so many sins we commit almost naturally and don't even stop to think about them. Perhaps we don't even consider them as sins ... Just part of human life. Everyone loses their temper or not pay attention every so often to someone else. So what? Is it a sin worth bothering God about?

Let's consider this last thought.

Is it a sin worth bothering God about?

The fact remains that we did something wrong, and the other person may have forgiveness us for losing our temper or whatever. But it is still a sin in the eyes of God. It is a sin against His Commandment to love one another. So ... is it a sin worth confessing in prayer?

Oh ... and another thing. Do we ever seek forgiveness from God for worrying? 

Yes I know ... we all worry about this and that and about certain people and future events and so on. It's only natural. Everyone does it.

But is it a sin?

Does worry betray a certain lack of confidence, a certain lack of faith in God? When we worry, are we in fact saying that we don't believe God will answer our prayers, our fears and our confusions? Are we saying that He is perhaps not capable of doing so? Are we even doubting His own existence?

Because in essence that's what worry is. The fear of something beyond God's capability or willingness to help. Hence, worry is a sin against God.

Let's think about that a bit more ... ... ...

How many? You must be joking!

 

When Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive, Christ replied, "not seven times but seventy times seven!"

Of course, Jesus was exaggerating to make a point. He did not mean we should add the times we forgive someone; He meant we forgive time and time again, as often as is needed.

Then He tells this parable:

A king wished to settle accounts with his slaves ... One who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, "Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything." 

Out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. 

That same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow-slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, "Pay what you owe." Then his fellow-slave fell down and pleaded with him, "Have patience with me, and I will pay you." But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he should pay the debt.

When his fellow-slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, "You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow-slave, as I had mercy on you?" And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he should pay his entire debt. (Matthew 18:21-19:1)

Let's see what we can learn from this parable. Jesus makes several points which may have been understood by His listeners, but may have escaped us with the passage of time.

The first slave could not pay back 10,000 talents. That's a lot of money. The slave promised to pay the money back in time. His master does not extend the loan period, or reduce the debt, but he forgives the whole amount.

Can you imagine that? Would your bank do that to you if you can't repay a loan? 

Jesus makes the point that when we ask God for forgiveness, He forgives the whole sin. He does not hold it against us. He does not have a little black book in which He writes the time and date He forgave you a particular sin, and now, here you are, sinning the same sin again. Some people are incorrigible sinning the same sin again and again and expecting to be forgiven. And of course ... God does forgive. Provided we are genuinely repentant.

Note also the exaggeration regarding the second slave. He owed 100 denarii. Probably pennies or dimes. Yet his fellow slave would not forgive such a small amount.

Jesus here is saying that although God will forgive our many serious sins; He will not look kindly if we hold a grudge and do not forgive the most minor thing done to us.

"So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart."

EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE: 

Do you still resent the fact that your husband did not take the trash bins out when you told him? 

Do you forgive your wife for forgetting to record the football game on TV?

Do you ... (add your own examples, real or not, yourself).

I'll thump you first then seek forgiveness.

 

I make no apologies for returning to the subject of forgiveness. Someone said to me that years ago, in a heated argument, he resorted to violence in order to defend someone else. He feels he has forgiven the person he argued with, but he does not forgive himself for using violence.

Let's make one thing clear. We all have a duty and a responsibility to protect ourselves and our loved ones. There are times when violence is the only course of action. God knows this, and understands our actions.

I've often wondered what would Jesus have done if He saw two or three people beating someone else to death. Would He have got involved?

In the Bible we read the story about those who wanted to stone the woman caught in adultery. But in that case, the people were testing Jesus. No violence had yet taken place.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Sometimes our violence is justified when in defence or protection of ourselves or others.

In a similar vein, we are justified in avoiding and distancing ourselves from those who have harmed us and are likely to do it again.

As a Catholic, I am aware of the Church's views on divorce. But despite their doctrines and dogmas, at the sharp end, many priests hold a different view. I know of a number of priests who would encourage or advocate divorce, in certain circumstances.  

Note that I say in certain circumstances; and not flippantly and as a first resort as modern society tends to think.

A priest once said to me that marriage is based on mutual love and respect for each other. When one partner has abused this principle to breaking point then divorce is the only solution. God does not smile when the innocent victim is left to lead a life of hell in a violent or loveless marriage.

And another thing. When we forgive someone, it does not mean that we have to reconcile and go back to things as they were before. Sometimes trust between two people, a married couple, or friends, has broken down to such an extent that you can no longer go back to things as they were. Perhaps you feel threatened, or fear, that if things went back to normal then that individual may harm you, or your loved ones, once again.

In such cases, it is all right, in fact it is essential, that you forgive, but not reconcile.

Forgiveness yes. Reconciliation no.

Forgiving you is easy

 

Do you remember the song "Forgiving you was easy" by Willie Nelson?

The lyrics go, "Forgiving you is easy ... But forgetting seems to take the longest time."

That's the problem with forgiveness. Many people feel they have forgiven the wrong done to them and then when the memories come back they get all angry and upset again and believe that they haven't forgiven.

Let us look at forgiveness more closely.

Forgiveness is an act, not a feeling. You decide, actively, that you will forgive someone who has hurt you. This means you will not seek revenge, retribution, compensation or feel resentment or ill-will towards the person who did you wrong. 

Of course, the memories will linger on. The slightest event will bring back the whole situation to your mind and will make you angry or upset once again. This is only natural. Don't worry. Use these moments of remembering again as an opportunity to actively forgive once more. Hand over the person who hurt you to God. Pray for them. You cannot possibly hate someone you pray for. Say to God, "I hand this person to your love and mercy. Forgive them for me!"

What if the person who has hurt you, and never sought your forgiveness, is now dead?

He is no longer your concern. Stop agonising about it. This person is now before God and has seen the situation in all its facets. God will now deal with the situation and that person's role in it. You should pray for that person when the memory of the wrong-doing comes to mind.

What if you need to seek forgiveness from someone who is now dead?

Obviously, it is now too late to seek forgiveness from him. But it is never too late to seek forgiveness from God. Confess your wrong-doing to God and honestly and earnestly ask for His forgiveness. Provided you are sincere and repent God will forgive you.

And once God has forgiven you this is the end of the matter. Stop picking at the situation over and again. Stop feeling guilty at your wrong-doing. God has forgiven you. By picking at the situation you are insulting God in that you are saying He has not forgiven you. That He was wrong that He forgave you. 

How do you think He feels about that? Doubting His love, His mercy and His forgiveness.

Accept His forgiveness graciously and move on with a joyful heart.

What's it all about?

 

This is Holy Week. A very important time for all Christians. It commemorates a time when the whole course of human history changed for ever. Yet in today's world, many people just remember chocolate eggs, good food and drink, and another excuse to be extravagant.

So what is it all about? This Easter celebration and this Holy Week?

I think one of the most important factors perhaps not often focussed on is forgiveness.

This week, it is right and proper, that we remember Christ's arrest, torture and cruel death by Crucifixion. And of course, His Resurrection three days later. 

But there is more to it than that.

Jesus, the Son of God, came to this earth so we might see Him as a human. We might listen to Him, learn from Him, witness His power through His miracles, love and compassion. But He also came to earth to build a bridge once again between sinning humanity and God its Creator. It is through Jesus that we find our way back to God.

At the heart of this week is forgiveness and mercy. 

Jesus forgave the disciples for running away in fear when He was arrested. He forgave Peter for denying knowing Him. He forgave the crowd just as He was dying on the Cross for what they had done to Him. He forgave the repentant thief hanging on a cross just beside Him. I'd like to believe that He also forgave Judas who killed himself in despair for what he had done. We don't have any Biblical evidence of this last forgiveness, but let us remember that Judas was in a state of despair. He knew he had done wrong. He tried to return the money he received for betraying Jesus. He was sorry for what He had done. So I guess that an all-knowing God would have had pity on him at his darkest hour, just as He had pity on those who put Him on the Cross.

That's what's it all about. Forgiveness. Compassion. Love and Mercy.

Let us remember that when someone asks us for forgiveness. Or when we too need to seek forgiveness from God and others.

POTATOES

 

One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes.

For every person, we'd refuse to forgive in our life, we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag.  Some of our bags, as you can imagine, were quite heavy.

We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat, next to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime.  This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that's true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!

So, the next time you decide you can't forgive someone, ask yourself...

Isn't MY bag heavy enough?

Sometimes you don't realize the weight of a burden you are carrying until you set it aside and feel the strength returning to your arms.

As I Forgave You

First of all, we are humans. We can't help it ... that's the way we are, the way God made us, with a multitude of various emotions, fears, hopes and ways of interpreting many situations in our lives. We're complex creatures. He had His reasons to create us this way.

Being human ... one of our first instincts is to protect ourselves and the ones we love. Another feature of our humanity is the ability to remember ... the good times, but more specifically the bad times. The worst they are, the more terrible they've been, the more they are imprinted in our memories. Anything can and will trigger these memories again ... visiting a place, seeing a photo, hearing a particular song ... anything ... and the bad memories come flooding back again. That's the price we pay for being human.

Christ said: "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who hurt us ..."

Thank God that He does not hold us to the strict letter of this particular contract; otherwise we'd all be taking the fastest elevator going down!

Yet ... He does hold us to the intent of that particular contract we recite in the Lord's Prayer.

He asks us to forgive ... that's the important thing. Not just seven times but seventy times seven … and many times more than that as well.

Forgiving someone means that we no longer hold a grudge, or any ill-will or ill-feelings towards them or the hurt they have caused us. We let them go in peace free of fear of any revenge or retribution on our part. This applies whether we tell them that they are forgiven, or whether they have moved away, or perhaps never asked or sought our forgiveness, and perhaps they don’t even care about our feelings.

What matters is that in our hearts we have truly forgiven them … and, here’s the difficult bit, … we can prove it to God should He ask us to.

Of course the memories will come back … we can’t help that. But let’s use them positively by forgiving once again. Let’ us use them as a reminder to pray for the ones who hurt us. Let us say to God : “Please look after that person … Enlighten them and lead them to find your love as I have found it too …” Would it not be wonderful if as a result of your hurt … and your prayers … someone finds God, perhaps for the first time.

Christ has His memories too when He sees the scars in His hands, feet and side. I believe He uses these memories to forgive us yet again.

Having truly forgiven, it is our right and duty to keep our distance from that person if we feel they create a threat to us or our loved ones. Keeping our distance is NOT a sin, and it does not mean that we haven’t forgiven or that our forgiveness is worthless.

Being human we can only forgive as humans. We cannot possibly forgive as He has forgiven, no matter how hard we try.

He was human, but He was/is God too … and that’s a level of forgiveness we can never achieve.

We can only hope to live by the intent of that particular contract in the Lord’s Prayer.

God bless.

Forgiving You

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Later that evening the man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary."

She looked down at his shoes and said: "You're lying to me! You've been playing golf!"

Adultery is no laughing matter, of course, although these days it is so common that it has become the subject of jokes. Many years ago adultery was a very serious matter indeed.

We all know the story when the Pharisees brought to Jesus a woman caught committing adultery.

According to Jewish law she had to be stoned to death for that sin. We’re told in the Gospel of John that Jesus wrote in the sand with His finger. We’re not told what He wrote. I guess He wrote, ‘Dear God … will they never learn?’

But that’s not important; what is important is that after He said let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone, and when they all left one by one, Jesus turned to the woman and asked ‘Is there no one left to condemn you?’

She said ‘No one …’

And Jesus replied ‘I do not condemn you either. Go, but do not sin again.’

Now Jesus did not mean do not sin any sin whatsoever ever again for the rest of your life!

He knew that that is impossible. The woman was human, and it is natural that she would sin again. Jesus knows our human nature and He knows that we are liable to sin again and again …

What Jesus said to the woman is, do not commit that particular sin again … it is serious enough to get you into a lot of trouble with the Pharisees as well as with God Himself.

And that’s what Jesus is saying to us today.

He knows we are weak … He knows that we will sin … By saying ‘do not sin again’ Jesus is warning us to beware of those particular sins which are serious enough to lead us into damnation, and into an eternity of exclusion from our Father in Heaven.

In our propensity to sin, God is loving and caring enough to forgive us again and again.

When we confess our sins to God there should also be remorse and guilt for what we have done. Confession should not be just a laborious recitation of the same old sins; and a futile exercise which serves no one and certainly does not fool God Himself.

Without true remorse, and a genuine resolve not to repeat our sins; then confession means nothing. And it would be better not to confess or repent at all. At least that is honest in the eyes of God.

Now when God has forgiven us that should be the end of the matter. He does not keep a little black book in which He writes what we have done and reminds us again and again when we sin again. He knows that our weakness will overcome us; and what He asks is that we at least try not to repeat our sins again. Certainly so for the more serious ones; like adultery for instance.

However, often, our human nature is less forgiving than God's nature. With an honest repentance we are certainly forgiven by God but not by us. We feel we are not forgiven. We feel so ashamed of our sin that we do not forgive ourselves and we torture ourselves by re-calling our sins in our mind and feel unforgiven.

Our inner voice tells us we are unforgiven and reproaches us for what we have done. In some cases this is to such an extent that it stops us moving forward with our lives and hinders our progress towards a loving God waiting to hug us with open arms.

Such a reaction to sin may indeed be a natural human emotion, but it is wrong. It is like slapping God's face and saying that we do not accept His forgiveness or that His forgiveness was wrong. And that itself is another sin on our conscience.

We must learn, and indeed accept, that once God has forgiven us that should be the end of it. And not carry the sense of guilt with us for ever more. Let us move on freely and with a resolve not to sin that particular sin again.