Do you need a marriage counsellor?

 

I volunteered as a translator at a local charity community centre. They also have volunteer lawyers, accountants, nurses and so on giving their free time to help. I am called in when someone does not know English well.

There was this French speaking couple, (I don't know where from). They were here on holiday, and they told their friend where they were staying, that they wanted a divorce. Their friend brought them to the centre to meet a Marriage Counsellor. As they spoke no English I was called in to translate.

After the introductions, the Counsellor started with the first question, "How many times a week do you have sex?"

"You can't ask them that," I told her instead of translating.

"Why not?" she replied looking at me sternly.

"For a start it is a personal question," I said, "and secondly, judging by the size of him, he would pulverise me!"

"It seems to me that you are afraid of the question," she said accusingly, "are you afraid of being intimate?"

"The only intimacy I am afraid of is his big fist against my face," I said, and not timidly either.

"So ..." she continued, "we have a couple here wanting to divorce. The first thing to find out is how close, how intimate, they are to each other. Do you consider you will ever divorce?" she asked me.

"No ... never ..." I replied emphatically.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because I love my house," I said, "and the car too. Just bought it and would hate to lose it in a divorce"

"I think you and your wife need Marriage Guidance too," she advised, "my husband is also a Marriage Counsellor. Why don't we all four meet. Me and my husband and you and your wife?"

"I'd rather not," I replied more emphatically than before, "for a start it's too personal, and secondly our bed is too small for the four of us!"

In the meantime, the French speaking couple sat there silently. So I took the lead, and moving a touch backwards for security, I asked the huge man in French and in a French accent, "Monsieur ... do you love your wife?"

"Mais oui ... yes, very much so," he replied. 

I was taken aback. I then asked his wife, also in French and in a French accent, "Madame ... do you love your husband?"

"Mais oui ... yes, more than very much so," she replied looking at him.

I was surprised but could not go back any further because my chair was against the wall.

I then asked, "why then do you want to divorce?"

It transpired that it was cheaper. In their country, two single individuals pay less tax than a married couple. So it would be better if they were divorced and living, and loving, together.

I said, "but isn't your love for each other worth the extra tax you have to pay?"

She wiped a tear or two from her eyes. He suddenly got up, and before I could move, he kissed me on both cheeks and they then left.

"What's going on?" asked the Marriage Counsellor.

"They've decided to hire a room and go make love!" I said.