Dog Food Lands Me In Hospital

I am sorry to tell you folks that I am writing this post from my hospital bed. The doctors say I am OK; albeit a bit ruff ... ruff ...ruff ...

OK ... enough with the dog jokes already. Here is what happened.

A friend told me that the quickest way to lose weight is to eat those dog food pellets you get at the supermarket. 

 Apparently,  dog pellets have all the necessary nutrients and vitamins and minerals one needs. All you have to do is load your pockets with a few of them  and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete and it works well; so I gave it a try.

All went well for a week or so until yesterday. I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.

Dog Food lands me in hospital

At the supermarket today buying a bag of Woof dog food for my dog.

Whilst at the check-out line a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT ???

So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Woof Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time; but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. 

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Woof Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.