Priests are not magicians. They do not have magic wands to solve the world's problems. There are times when they are faced with seemingly insurmountable problems brought to their doorstep by desperate parishioners needing a quick fix and permanent solution. With enough compassion, caring and love, priests can help the faithful bear their problems if not solve them completely.
One bright morning as Father Ignatius was leaving St Vincent Church after Mass and making his way to the Parish House where a hearty breakfast prepared by his housekeeper, Mrs Davenport, was waiting for him, he was stopped by Roger Farmer, a wealthy parishioner and generous benefactor.
"May I have a moment please, Father?" asked Roger.
The priest visualised for a moment the appetising breakfast waiting for him, especially the toast and ginger marmalade, and then, forcing a smile he nodded and ushered the businessman into the house. You don't turn down such a wealthy benefactor who has helped many church's charitable events.
Moments later they were sitting in the reception room over coffee and biscuits.
"Father, I have cheated on my wife!" said Roger.
The priest nodded and said nothing, encouraging the man to go on.
"This is not a Confession Father," continued Roger, "in Confession you have to feel sorry and resolve not to sin again. But I intend to keep on sinning against my wife!"
Father Ignatius remained calm and said a quick silent prayer; a habit he got into years ago whenever he needed Divine inspiration.
"You see Father," hesitated Roger, "Penelope and I have not got on for a while now. We just grew apart. We sleep in separate bedrooms. In time I got friendly with someone at work. Penelope knows about it and in any case she's been having an affair for a while now. We've remained together for the sake of the children; but now they're grown up and have left home; so we're considering divorce."
"And how do you wish me to help you?" asked the priest quietly, more as an attempt to keep the conversation going rather than intervening at this stage.
"That's the problem, Father," Roger said, "I don't know. I realise that I can't confess and take Communion, not if I intend being with my new lover, and I don't know how you and the Church would view divorce."
Father Ignatius cleaned his spectacles from imaginary dust, a trick he had learnt to gain him more thinking time.
"How I or the Church view divorce is one thing," he said eventually, "what is important is how does God view this break-up of a marriage?
"There are times when sadly the bond of marriage is broken beyond repair. Sometimes this is inevitable, like in cases where there is violence in a marriage, alcohol or drugs abuse, crime, or continuous adultery.
"I am not saying that these examples are acceptable in the eyes of God, because it is evident that one of the partners in marriage has abused and neglected his or her responsibility to love and to cherish and to care for the other partner.
"In such cases, I believe that God is disappointed in our behaviour. But for the safety of the abused partner, and the children if there are any, I also believe that God, and the Catholic Church, reluctantly accepts that divorce is the only solution.
"In your case, it seems to me this is not so. You said that you and Penelope just grew apart, and in time, both of you found comfort with someone else. So you both decided, as grown up adults to call it a day and go your separate ways.
"What do you really expect of meRoger? I cannot condone it or forgive you. And neither can I stop you!"
There followed a short period of silence. A few seconds whilst Roger considered what exactly he expected from the priest. Father Ignatius continued, more to keep the conversation flowing rather than an attempt to resolve it.
"What you need to consider Roger, and so does Penelope, is the vow you made to each other all those years ago. Does it mean nothing? Is your word no longer your bond? Did you mean that you will love her for life or only until you grew tired of each other?
"More important, how about the vow you made in front of God? Was it all just for show, in order to marry in a church and have the photos as a souvenir? Or did it mean anything between you and God?
"Sadly, I have seen many marriages break up for reasons I have already described. But yours isn't such a break-up is it?"
Roger shook his head. "No ... Penelope and I are quite friendly. We just grew apart and have each gone our separate ways over the last few years or so. We've lived together because of the children but each one of us has become friendly with someone else. We now want to make it formal, divorce and get married again!"
Father Ignatius said nothing for a short while and then added, "In Civil Law this is straight-forward enough! There's nothing stopping you from doing what you propose. But I have to ask myself, what happens when either of you grows apart from the new partner once again? Do you start the whole exercise once more?"
"I may have sinned against my wife in the past," interrupted Roger, "but this is now over. We've discussed it openly and my wife and I forgive each other. There's no ill-feelings between us and we both now want to go our separate ways. We're still friendly and we've promised to invite each other to our new weddings.
"Why is the Church standing in our way? Does God not want us to be happy? At least we're honest with each other. Our children understand what is happening and to a great extent we'll remain a family. Albeit not living together."
"The Church is not standing in your way," answered the priest calmly, "you are free to marry again in a Civil ceremony.
"There are times when the Catholic Church does annul previous marriages. This is not like a divorce. Divorce in the civil courts signifies that the civil contract between the marriage partners has been dissolved. A Decree of Nullity signifies that a true bond of marriage never existed. That is not the case in your marriage is it? At the time you both consented before God to marry for life.
"All too often I have heard the phrase 'Does God not want us to be happy'?
"Of course He does, but He also expects us to honour the vow and promise we made to Him when you married; just as He expects every priest and nun to honour their vows when they joined their vocation."
It became obvious in the silence that followed that there was nothing the priest could offer Roger in this sad situation. He continued, as calmly as He could,
"This is not too dissimilar to our relationship with God. We may well have loved Him at some time in our lives, but if we grow too complacent and self-reliant, trusting on our own instincts, we may well drift away from Him and in time meet someone else all too eager to tempt us away from His salvation. In effect, we divorce from God.
"I shall pray for you and Penelope and your children too."
Roger went away with a problem un-resolved but with the love and understanding of a caring priest.
