Knowledge is good

 

Every so often, dear friends, I undertake extensive research to write an article for your entertainment, edification and education. This is one such article and I assure you that all facts are true and have been checked on the Internet.

I am sure you all know that the cuckoo bird is famous for laying its eggs in the nest of other birds; so that the eggs are hatched and the young are fed by other species of birds rather than the parental species. This is known as brood parasitism; laying one's eggs in another species' nests.

Scientists have discovered that some species of cows, when they have their baby calves, they put them in the nests of some birds so that the birds would feed them until they have grown up to look after themselves. Unfortunately, often the calves are so heavy that the nest and its content crash to the ground killing any young birds in there. This is known as animal stupidity.

Did you also know that moths are very depressed creatures because they are afraid of the dark? They always go towards the light even though it is often fatal to them, like the sun for instance, or a hot light bulb, or the flame of a candle. Generation after generation follow the same fate and do not learn from their parents because the parents have died without warning their children of the dangers of flying towards the light. On one occasion one evening a moth flew into a dentist surgery and asked for help to cure her depression. The dentist said he could not help and that she needed a psychiatrist instead. The moth said she knew that, but she came in because the lights were on anyway.

For some reason we all have an incredible fear of sharks and over the years they have had a bad press as dangerous killers. In fact this is not so. Statistically speaking you are more likely to be attacked by a hippopotamus than by a shark. This is because there are no sharks in the jungle. Unless of course you took one there in your luggage, in which case you deserve being bitten in the butt. 

Snails are not necessarily the slowest creatures on earth. Zoologists put a tortoise in a glass cage or tank with a few lettuce leaves; and then released some snails to measure how slow they were in relation to the tortoise. A bit like the story of the hare and the tortoise. Within seconds the snails rushed the tortoise and ate all the lettuce. When asked the tortoise could not identify any of them because "it all happened so quick!"

Anyway, that's enough facts for you this time folks. But before I go, I often get e-mails from people asking me who I am and what are my credentials when writing posts here. To help answer your questions I have written about myself in the  "ABOUT THE AUTHOR" tab at the top of this page.

Sharing Knowledge

 

This Blog exists to inform, entertain and educate. Every so often I spend a lot of time in research to bring you authentic and truthful facts that you may find interesting and which you could use at parties, such as Christmas, to brighten a conversation, enlighten friends and family, and to become popular and gain friends.

This is such an occasion. So if you are seated comfortably here are some facts:

Did you know that the whale is the largest mammal? It is so big that apparently one exhalation of its breath can inflate 1250 party balloons. So it would make a welcome guest at your Christmas party preparations. It can also blow out over 4000 candles on a cake. Unfortunately this has never been tested because the candles would not stay alight under water.

Like all mammals, the whale actually breaks wind; which is very fortunate that its size makes it too large to fit in an elevator. I think breaking wind in an elevator is so wrong on many levels.

Also, when the whale breaks wind it lets out so much gas that it propels it two miles from where it currently is. Imagine two whales sitting on the sofa watching TV and discussing the latest soap opera and suddenly one of them is two miles away. 

Speaking of TV. It was invented by John Logie Baird and was demonstrated on 26 January 1926. Unfortunately there was nothing to see on it because they had not yet invented the remote control.

Inventions are great things don't you think? They revolutionised the world. They say that inventing the wheel was the greatest invention of mankind. I disagree. Inventing the second wheel was the greatest invention because then you had a bicycle.

The second greatest invention, (or is it third after the second wheel?) ... stop interrupting!

The third greatest invention is the whoopee (or whoopie) cushion. It is such a wonderful subject of hilarity; especially at funerals. Place a few of them on the pews in church and you'll have them laughing down the aisles. Also suitable for weddings, political events and similar serious functions.

The whoopee cushion has reportedly been used since ancient times. Roman Emperor Elagabalus was said to enjoy practical jokes at his dinner parties and often placed whoopee cushions under the chairs of his more pompous guests.

Elagabalus was quite a card when it came to a sense of humour. He had great Roman feasts and made his guests eat live parrots, camels feet and flamingo brain. Also, during the Roman feast he would let lions free and see how the guests reacted in panic. (The lions were most probably drugged and had teeth and claws removed - but the guests did not know that). He also served fruits made of rock covered in wax to make them look authentic and enjoyed it when his guests bit into the fruit.

So there you have it. Some facts and knowledge for you to enjoy and share at your next Christmas party. Keep dancing ... ... ...

Knowledge is useful ... sometimes

 

There is really no limit to the amount of research I do to bring interesting facts to my readers. My job is to inform and entertain.

Did you know, for instance, that the universe is for ever expanding. The universe is the term we use to encompass all that there is. All that exists. For example, all the planets, moons, stars, galaxies, solar systems and so on. Everything, put together in a big shopping bag, is the universe.

And it is for ever expanding. Don't ask me into what; because I don't know. If everything that exists is the universe then there is nothing outside it, so how can it expand into nothing that exists? Try that on your friends at your next party and they'll avoid you like a fart in a space suit.

Coming back to earth. Did you know that pigeons recognise you if you've been unkind to them? They recognise vivid colours that you wear. Say you are in a park wearing a yellow coat and you've shooed away a pigeon. The next day, if you're in the same park in the same coat and the same pigeon is there he'll recognise you and drop a deposit on you.

Have you ever dropped a wallet or purse? Did you get it back I wonder? A study was carried out and apparently a wallet with a lot of money in it is more likely to be handed in to the police than one with a little money, or no money at all. Also, there is a better, or lesser, chance of your wallet being handed in depending on which photos it contains. A wallet with a photo of a baby is more likely to be handed in than a wallet with photos of old people, or one's spouse, or a pet, or no photo at all. There seems to be a pecking order as to which photo is more likely to result in the wallet being returned to you. Mine contains a photo of a boomerang!

Did you know when a centipede is chased by a predator it cuts one of its legs and throws it at the predator? Whilst the predator is eating the leg the centipede runs away. Unfortunately, most centipedes eventually die when they return to look for their shoe.

Also, did you know that there is a species of dragonfly where the female pretends to be dead to avoid having sex with its partner? I bet a number of men can testify to similar experiences.

Also, somewhere in Europe there's a library with many ancient and very valuable books. So valuable that you are not allowed to touch them in case you ruin these very ancient documents. So they've decided to put all these documents on one Kindle type tablet; or better still on one USB stick. When they finish the transfer, there will be this huge ornate building totally empty with just one USB stick which you can borrow.

Are you aware that you must never go swimming after you've had a meal. My grandfather once went swimming straight after eating a burger and fries and was attacked by a shark. Luckily he survived because the shark was vegetarian.

You are more likely to be attacked by a hippopotamus than being bitten by a shark. That's because there are no sharks in the jungle. Unless you took one in your suitcase.

House flies have compound eyes made up of thousands of individual visual receptors, called ommatidia. When a fly lands on a mirror it says, "That's another way of looking at it!"

Also, did you know that silverfish can live for two to eight years unless you hit them hard with your shoe.

Did you know that you should not sleep with your head under the pillow otherwise the tooth fairy will take all your teeth away?

Finally, Marriage Guidance Counsellors report that generally husbands do not remember their mistakes. There is no point in both couple remembering the same thing. Also, husbands are best at keeping secrets because they never listen anyway. And archaeologists make the best marriage partners; the older you get the more interested they are in you.

I am very good at keeping secrets. Years ago friends of mine got married in secret in a far away town. They only invited very few well trusted friends like me. On the morning of the wedding I called a taxi at my hotel. The taxi driver asked me where I wanted to go and I did not tell him. He asked several times and I kept the secret safe with me. 

Important facts you should know and remember

 

This statue of four satyrs was found in Rome. It is now in the Louvre in Paris. I depicts Omphaloskepsis.

They are not looking at what you think. Omphaloskepsis means navel-gazing - contemplation of one's navel as an aid to meditation.

I did some meditation once when I got out of the shower. I stood there and contemplated. I won't tell you what my wife said when she saw me!

Eratosthenes. That's another word, or name, you'll never forget. Eratosthenes measured the Earth’s circumference mathematically using two surface points to make the calculation. He noted that the Sun's rays fell vertically at noon in Syene in Egypt at the summer solstice. In Alexandria, also in Egypt, at the same date and time, sunlight fell at an angle of about 7.2° from the vertical. So by sticking a stick in the ground and measuring its shadow he worked out the circumference of the earth at the equator.

It wasn't until many years later, at the time of Galileo in Italy, that a pizza salesman discovered that the earth's circumference, at its largest point around the equator, is just under 25,000 miles. Apparently he had read it in a book somewhere.

Now that fact is important - remember it. Around the equator, the earth's circumference is just under 25,000 miles - let's call it 24,000 miles.

Since we know that the earth goes round a whole revolution, from left to right, in one day, then it is right to assume that if I stood at the equator facing East, I would be travelling at 1000 miles and hour: 24,000 miles divided by 24 hours = 1,000 miles an hour. In fact, it is faster than that because, as we said earlier, the circumference is just under 25,000 miles.

At that speed my wig would fly off.

If the earth were to suddenly stop; like you putting the brakes in a car suddenly very hard, we would all slide along the ground for miles. And we would need a lot of cream to put on our scraped backsides.

The murrelet is a bird which migrates 8,000 kilometres, (5,000 miles), from Canada to winter near Japan and China, even though the climate is similar at the two ends. It is the only bird known to cross the whole North Pacific. They then start a return trip in February, flying four or five hours a day. It just flies there and back for no apparent reason.

Unlike me. When I have to go somewhere I've never been to I always go there the day before to check how to get there. I once travelled all day to check where my meeting was in Edinburgh. When I got back home very late at night; it was time to go back again for my meeting.

Did you know that there is a shop in Edinburgh who pride themselves that they will search and find your own family tartan if you tell them your surname. I told the manager my name was Donald Duck. He could not find a tartan with such a surname. They did make me a Coat of Arms though.

Another fact for you.

Did you know that you get taller when out in space? Because of the lack of gravity, and gravy, astonauts get up to two inches taller when out in space. They gradually lose that extra height when they return to earth.

Also, the wild boar, because it is so full of fat, will always float when in water. It will never sink or drown. If you want to learn to swim just tie two wild boars to your arms and you'll float like a Donald Duck.

The sand wasp always flies backwards when leaving its nest so that it remembers what it looks like and can find it again when it returns home.

I did that once when leaving home and tripped and fell backwards in a bush full of thorns. It was an experience etched on my backside.

As you know, mosquitoes are attracted to blood. So if you are having a picnic or barbecue in your garden, place a bag of blood near your neighbour's fence and all the mosquitoes will go there instead.

Did you also know that mosquitoes are afraid of chickens? This is because chickens actually eat mosquitoes. They peck them in mid-air and eat them. So when you have a picnic have some chickens walking around freely in the garden to keep the mosquitoes away. If you run out of beefburgers you can put a chicken on the barbecue.

A raindrop is fifty times heavier than a mosquito. So when it rains the mosquito spreads its legs because it is squashed and it slides away.

In order to make snails move faster place some oil in their path. They can get up to great speeds then and you can have your own snail race. 

A problem for you: if you were to throw a snail, a cat and a grandparent into a bush. Which one would return back to the place from which they were thrown?

The grandparent. No matter how far you throw a grandparent into a bush they will always return to you. They may even bring you an apple pie, or some nice present. Amazing.

Where do you think the tattoo goes when you go to a specialist to have it removed? Say you have a tattoo on your body, and its removed. Where does it go?

Apparently, when they use lasers to "melt" the tattoo the ink is dissolved and absorbed by the body and it comes out in one's poo! People with removed tattoos can see it in their poo afterwards!

Have you ever wondered where the dry leaves that fall of a tree in Autumn go? That's the ones you do not pick up yourself.

Well, I'll tell you. At night the worms come out of the ground and pull the leaves down into the ground where they decompose and enrich the soil. 

Check it out in Autumn or Winter and you'll see some leaves almost standing on one end where they've been pulled in by the worms.

Once the children left their skipping rope in the garden. I noticed that the worms had started pulling it, bit by bit, into the ground. I held the other end to pull it out and I felt a tug on the rope. Obviously, a worm underground was still holding on to the rope and pulling it in. I pulled. He pulled back. I pulled some more. He pulled stronger. I tugged hard. He must have called for reinforcement because the rope was pulled even harder dragging me on the ground as I fell forward. A tug-of-war ensued with both me pulling and no doubt a multitude of worms pulling at the other end. I felt myself being dragged into the ground and perhaps buried alive. I cried for help, holding tight to the rope. The dog came out in the garden and bit my backside. I was in real pain shooing the dog away and being dragged by the worms. I did not let go the rope. I managed to stand up and pull with all my might. Suddenly the worms let go the rope and I flew backwards into the bush full of thorns. The same type I fell in when I walked backwards from my house; only this one was in my back garden. I still have the rope and the bush top prove it.

 

Finally, did you know that I auditioned for a part in the film The Sound Of Music?

 

I auditioned for the part of Mr Hill in the song The Hills are alive with the sound of music.

 

They turned me down because of my accent. I told them the part was a silent one. But they turned me down anyway.

 

Shame. I could have been famous like Julie Andrews.

 

Here's a demo video I took with me for the audition.