This is such an occasion. So if you are seated comfortably here are some facts:
Did you know that the whale is the largest mammal? It is so big that apparently one exhalation of its breath can inflate 1250 party balloons. So it would make a welcome guest at your Christmas party preparations. It can also blow out over 4000 candles on a cake. Unfortunately this has never been tested because the candles would not stay alight under water.
Like all mammals, the whale actually breaks wind; which is very fortunate that its size makes it too large to fit in an elevator. I think breaking wind in an elevator is so wrong on many levels.
Also, when the whale breaks wind it lets out so much gas that it propels it two miles from where it currently is. Imagine two whales sitting on the sofa watching TV and discussing the latest soap opera and suddenly one of them is two miles away.
Speaking of TV. It was invented by John Logie Baird and was demonstrated on 26 January 1926. Unfortunately there was nothing to see on it because they had not yet invented the remote control.
Inventions are great things don't you think? They revolutionised the world. They say that inventing the wheel was the greatest invention of mankind. I disagree. Inventing the second wheel was the greatest invention because then you had a bicycle.
The second greatest invention, (or is it third after the second wheel?) ... stop interrupting!
The third greatest invention is the whoopee (or whoopie) cushion. It is such a wonderful subject of hilarity; especially at funerals. Place a few of them on the pews in church and you'll have them laughing down the aisles. Also suitable for weddings, political events and similar serious functions.
The whoopee cushion has reportedly been used since ancient times. Roman Emperor Elagabalus was said to enjoy practical jokes at his dinner parties and often placed whoopee cushions under the chairs of his more pompous guests.
Elagabalus was quite a card when it came to a sense of humour. He had great Roman feasts and made his guests eat live parrots, camels feet and flamingo brain. Also, during the Roman feast he would let lions free and see how the guests reacted in panic. (The lions were most probably drugged and had teeth and claws removed - but the guests did not know that). He also served fruits made of rock covered in wax to make them look authentic and enjoyed it when his guests bit into the fruit.
So there you have it. Some facts and knowledge for you to enjoy and share at your next Christmas party. Keep dancing ... ... ...