The Journey

 

Let me take you on a journey back into the past which you will find both terrifying and at times somewhat unbelievable. In fact, I would not believe it myself if it had not happened to me.

It happened in Wales, out in the countryside. I was travelling by car from one place to another, as you do. It was winter. It was snowing as it happens. Now, not many people know that, but sometimes in Wales it snows. This was one of those times.

Snow laid everywhere and covered everything. It was getting thicker and thicker to the point where it was difficult to drive. I could not see the road ahead, nor the road behind for that matter. The windscreen wipers grew tired of moving to and fro and losing the battle against the snow. Eventually they gave up and I could drive no further or farther either.

I stopped and tried to get out the car. The door was frozen solid. I pushed hard and finally it opened. I got out but did not know which way to go. Should I walk on forwards, or return whence I came which I knew was a frozen wilderness anyway.

I walked a few steps forward and fell into a frozen pool of water. Must have been a pond, probably frozen at the top and totally covered with snow. The sudden shock and extreme drop in temperature nearly killed me. Somehow, don't ask me how, I managed to crawl out before I lost consciousness and saying goodbye to this world. The whole of my life flashed before me but I was too busy saving myself to see it.

I stood there totally soaked, freezing and my teeth chattering of the cold. I had goosebumps all over and they had goosebumps too. I was so afraid that my knees started shaking. I had butterflies in my stomach and their knees were shaking too.

I stumbled a few steps forwards, no more than a hundred yards or so, and to my surprise, delight and amazement, not necessarily in that order, I saw an inn not too far away.

I hurried as quickly as my legs could carry me and knocked loudly at the door. The inn-keeper opened the door but would not let me in because I was not wearing a tie. I had a scarf wrapped round my neck. I took it off and tied it like a tie and he let me in.

I sat by the fire to warm me up. His wife gave me a bowl of soup. She said it was Cock-a-leekie soup and it contained chicken, bacon, carrots, celery, leeks and prunes. I was too cold and the soup was too hot for me to taste any of those ingredients.

The inn-keeper stood at the bar with his silhouette lightly lit by the flames of the candles behind him. His wife explained that the electricity had been cut-off because of the snow-storm.

That's when I noticed that the inn-keeper had a very big nose. Big, and round and bulbous. It was so heavy that his head would tip forwards when he was tired and closed his eyes. His wife had shoved a broomstick down his back and tied his forehead to the stick with a bandana to stop him leaning his head forwards.

When I finished the soup, she suggested I have a warm bath and get changed into new dry clothes. Her husband refused point-blank to loan me any of his clothes. So I had to make do with wearing one of her nightdresses instead. She gave me the choice between the pink one or the pale pastel green. Unbeknown to her husband, she gave me some of his underwear to wear under the dress because hers would not fit.

I went to the bathroom, and after a long hot bath I was as good as new albeit I looked a little feminine. And that's when my troubles started. As if being stranded in the snow, falling in a freezing pond, stumbling to the inn totally drenched and freezing, and now wearing women's clothing was not enough. More troubles were in store for me.

The bathroom door would not open. It was totally stuck. I pulled and I pushed and I knocked and I shouted for help and I screamed and I kicked the door and I screamed for help some more and it was all to no avail. I was stuck and imprisoned in that bathroom and there was no one to help me get out.

All this happened some twenty years ago. In fact, I am still stuck in that bathroom now. Fortunately, I have my laptop computer to write and tell you all about it.