Fishy Facts

 

It is a fact that some mammals can fly. Bats for instance. It is also a fact that mammals can swim, like dogs, bears, and humans dressed like bears. Also some birds can swim, like penguins, seagulls and swans. But are there any fish that can live on land? Not that I know of, off hand.

The fish seem to be a dimwitted species unwilling or unable to evolve. They can't even punch their way out of a plastic bag. (Look out for environmentalists' comments).

Let's face it, when is the last time you've seen a fish driving a bus, or writing a book? Mammals, like humans for instance, can do both. Even chimpanzees have been taught to ride a tricycle, and dogs to herd sheep, and parrots to talk. But fish ... ???

I've done some research on your behalf. Did you know that the mangrove killifish, which lives in Florida and Mexico, can tolerate very salty water, and temperatures of up to 100* F. 

It can also survive for about two months on land. So it's like going on holiday. It gets out of the sea, leave behind its swimming costume, and it takes a three-piece suit or the best dresses and goes on land for a few weeks. Bravo for the mangrove killifish. That's one small step for evolution. You'll have to wait for another million years before you see one driving your bus, or at the check-out counter of your supermarket.

The rest of the fish species are totally left behind in the evolutionary scale.

The anchovy, for instance, as well as the sardine, the herring, the pilchard and the tuna, have a tendency to get into tins and cans and wait for you to buy them at the supermarket. You may know of other stupid fish with similar self-destructive habits. Some cover themselves with tomato sauce or olive oil to camouflage their taste.

You'll note I do not mention the dolphin in this article. Strictly speaking it is not a fish but a mammal that swims. Being a mammal it is a very enterprising creature which has benefited enormously from the tourist trade by enticing humans to swim with them. Unlike the shark, which being a stupid fish, has ruined its chances of similar fame and success by taking a bite out of any tourist too near to hand ... or mouth!

Many people have a lifetime ambition to swim with dolphins. I have always wished to do so but could not afford it. So I swam with sardines instead. They all swam away and left me. Which proves the point of their stupidity.

There are all other shapes and sizes of marine creatures which I suppose we can classify loosely as fish ... lobsters for example, prawns, oysters, clams, shellfish and octopusses or octopussies or whatever. They are all considered as fish. You do not for instance find them at the butcher's or the greengrocer's or the hardware store!

The octopus is a delicacy in many countries. It has eight legs and very difficult to catch because it runs faster than any human on two legs. This accounts for why it is so expensive in restaurants and why you have never seen an octopus run in the Olympics. When it is occasionally caught its a struggle to put it in a boiling pan of water. As you put one leg in another comes out, and often it uses its spare legs to turn off the heat under the boiling pan. 

Perhaps man can learn to evolve and grow more legs. That way we can run faster and catch not only the octopus but other fast creatures like the cheetah or the ostrich.

Can you imagine if you had an extra leg or arm? I'd like an arm out of the front of my chest. I could hide it under my shirt and get it out to wave at the other passengers on the bus. Or perhaps an extra mouth on top of my head. I could put a sandwich under my hat and eat whilst driving. 

Oh the possibilities ... How about you? How would you like to evolve?