I'm thinking ... I'm thinking ...

 

Nearly fell off the tree because I was thinking of something else instead of thinking of what I was doing. I needed to prune the tree; cut off some branches which were getting too close to the house. I got up the ladder, then climbed on a branch, sat down and started sawing it off the tree. Luckily I realised in time that if I continued sawing I'd be going down with no parachute!

Funny thing thinking. You can't switch it off.

For example, have you ever wondered why we have percentages? What use are they? The Romans first thought of percentages. Probably because they realised we have ten fingers. They gathered their soldiers in groups of ten. Then every ten groups made one hundred. The officer in charge of 100 soldiers was called a centurion. Hence the word cent. The number ten was written like an X. So ten soldiers would be entered in the payroll book as XXXXXXXXXX. And the paymaster would pay=up because he thought the centurion was sending him kisses.

I had a good idea when up on that tree. There are so many perfume and after-shave adverts on TV now that we are nearing Christmas. So I thought of new fragrances for men - macho ones. For example after-shave that smells of pizza, or garlic. For the English market you could have after-shave smelling of fish and chips. I phoned one of the major after-shave manufacturers and they hung up the phone on me.

You know how we change the clocks backwards and forwards twice a year. Apparently it is done to annoy people.

I wondered. Assuming the clocks are turned back at midnight. Over here they are changed at 2:00am for some reason. I find it annoying having to stay awake until 2:00am to change the clocks.

Anyway, assuming they are changed one hour back at 2:00am ...  And you have twins born together. One just before the time to change the clock, (1:55am), and the other one half an hour later when the clocks have been turned back an hour (1:25am). Which baby was born first?

The one born at 1:55am or the one born half an hour later which is now 1:25am? Which one is older?

I nearly fell off the tree thinking about this one. Luckily it was in the afternoon so it did not really matter at what time I fell.

Oh ... and something else comes to mind. I'm sure we have all had reason to complain to big organisations about something or other. You know, like bad service we received from them, undue delays in delivering something, or whatever.

It always annoys me when afterwards I receive an e-mail asking me "how was it for you"?

We note you have had reason to file a complaint with us. We try our best to give a good service to our customers. Please let us know about your experience in making your complaint. Was it easy to complete the form on-line? Did you make use of the "chat" facility with one of our helpful assistants? And so on ... ... ...

Look idiots ... I made the complaint because I ordered a packet of sausages and you delivered a full scale replica of Michelangelo's statue of David.

We were out at the time, and when we got home we found the statue in our front garden and a note asking us to sign for safe delivery in the letter box.

The statue is so big we could not get it in the house; not that we want it in the house. It is hardly a substitute for a packet of sausages. People have complained that it lowers the tone of the street. I explained that I ordered a packet of sausages and they said they would not have minded a packet of sausages on the front lawn; but not a nude man standing casually and unashamed.

I complained on your website and you ask me how was the experience of making the complaint. Get rid of the damn statue and let me have my sausages for breakfast!

I'm still waiting ... and still thinking about what to do with the statue.