Hairy Jehoshaphat

 

Hairy Jehoshaphat was crazy. He did not know he was crazy. But he was crazy in a mild and positive way. You see, crazy is relative. And Hairy Jehoshaphat did not have any relatives to compare him with. So he did not compare himself to anyone, and everyone compared him to the norm without knowing who Norm is or was. Because in reality there is no Norm. 

What is normal? Is it something that most people have or do? Can we say it is normal to be a certain height for instance? But who's to say which height we should be? If we check on a certain number of people we consider normal then what we would have is an average and not a Norm.

So you see, we cannot all agree on what is normal behaviour, or height, or weight, or anything else. It is all a matter of what most people, on average, consider acceptable.

What is crazy to one person is perfectly normal to another. It's all relative.

Hairy Jehoshaphat for instance used to glue some seeds on a plate and then watch the birds trying to peck them off. Is that crazy?

A while later, he took away the plate and scattered seeds on the lawn. The birds would come and eat it.

I asked him about his behaviour and he said he was teaching birds to search and forage for themselves rather than have food ready served on a plate.

He told me he used to go for walks in the forest before the trees got there. I did not believe him, so one day he took me with him. We walked out of town and a few miles out into a large valley sheltered by mountains and a stream. There were no trees at all.

He waved his hand and said, "One day ... all this will be a forest!"

"How do you know?" I asked.

"I read it in the papers," he replied, "it said this land has been ear-marked for new tree plantations." Would you call that crazy, or well-informed?

I visited him once and he was busily fixing a notice at the top rung of a ladder with the word "STOP". Before I said anything he remarked, "I keep going up and then fall off!"

On the day of my visit he was burning a lot of garden stuff like old bush and tree cuttings and making a lot of smoke. I asked him if the neighbours mind all this smoke everywhere.

He said, "my grandfather smoked a pipe all his life until he was 94 years old!"

"What happened next?" I asked.

"He lost his pipe!" replied Jehoshaphat.

He asked once if I believed in reincarnation. I told him I did not wish to come back as a tin of condensed milk.

He then said he wished to come back as a hyena. I asked him why, and he replied, "then I'd be laughing!"

One day he showed me his herb garden. He said he plants all his herbs in alphabetical order. Crazy or what?

I asked him, "where do you find the time?"

He replied, "it's there next to the Parsley, Rosemary and Sage." He then chuckled and added, "Simon and Garfunkel got their alphabet wrong in Scarborough Fair!"

Maybe he is not that crazy after all.