I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning. She said, "How do you know he was on his way to work?"
*******
My dog swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles so we took him to the vet to get him checked out. No word yet.
*******
I’m really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. £2 for coffee, £3 for coat check, £4 for an hour of parking … I’m just going to stop inviting them to my house.
*******
Some guy knocked on my door today and said, “I’ve got a parcel for your next-door neighbour.”
I said, “You’ve got the wrong house then, mate.”
WHAT DO YOU SEE?
"Sure do ..." the man replies.
"Aren't you afraid of me?" screams Satan angrily.
"Nope ... I've been married to your sister for 25 years!”
*******
Three rich brothers try to outdo each other by buying expensive presents for their elderly mother. The first buys her a beautiful mansion by the sea and moves her there. The second buys her a Rolls Royce with a chauffeur to drive her where she wants. The third sends her a special parrot trained for six years to sing any song you can name. Excellent repertoire. You name it – he’ll sing it.
Three months later after she’s settled in the new house she writes to her three sons.
She thanks the first for the lovely house by the sea. She thanks the second for the car and driver to take her out when she wants. She thanks the third for the lovely bird which tasted very nice!
Psychiatrist: And when did this start exactly?
Patient: Ever since I was a puppy.
Psychiatrist: I see. Please get on the couch.
Patient: I'm not allowed on the couch!
*******
A woman was admitted to hospital with two burnt ears. Apparently she answered the phone whilst she was ironing. The doctor asked her how she burnt the second ear. She replied that it happened when she phoned for an ambulance.
*******
Do you know Victor...I still have your book..
ReplyDelete'Feline Catastrophes' next to me on the
settee...every time the adverts come on,
l'll sometimes pick it up and read a couple
of stories..!
I still think my favourite is Mrs Felix...! :).
Four-year-old Robert opened the big bible
which had been in his family for years..
Absolutely fascinated, he flicked through
the old pages..
Suddenly, something fell out of the bible..
Robert picked up the object and looked at it..
What he saw was an old dry leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages..
'Mum, look what I've found', the boy called out.'
What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice,
he answered, 'I think I've found Adam's underwear!'
And...'Picture Above..What Do You See'...
I see the title/heading of this Blog..."Time For
Reflections"...Excellent..!
Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a bell? Go home and
take these and if you're not better soon, give me
a ring...
Doctor, doctor! I've swallowed my pocket money!
Take this and we'll see if there's any change...
Doctor, doctor! Help me - I'm getting shorter and
shorter! Wait there and be a little patient..!
I must get on..I've shopping to unload and put away..!
☕ 🍰 ☕ 🍰 ☕ 🍰 ☕ 🍰 ☕ 🍰 ☕ 🍰
You're always ready with good one-liners, Willie.
DeleteThank you for reading my book again and again. Some of my other books are also short humourous stories. "As I Quote Myself" is my memoirs.
God bless.
Found the book £4:99 on Amazon Victor....
DeleteSent the link to my daughter, she'll order it
for me..Thankyou! :0)
Thanx Willie. I don't know why "As I Quote Myself" is shown on Amazon for £15.52. This is totally wrong and I am writing to Amazon. It should be around £5.00. Don't pay more.
DeleteGod bless.
Current price on Amazon...£4:16..
Deletehttps://www.amazon.co.uk/As-Quote-Myself-Victor-Moubarak/dp/1516978250
Well done, Willie; you have found it at a better price than me. I found it at £15.52 which is way too high. I priced it at £5 to cover printing and postage costs with very little if any Royalties. I price my books low because the humourous ones, encourage readers to buy the Christian books and hopefully get to experience the love of God.
DeleteGod bless you. And thanx again.
...there's alway more, for the good or not.
ReplyDeleteSmiling more is good.
DeleteGod bless, Tom.
Thanks for the much-needed chuckles today.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to chuckle, and laugh, and smile.
DeleteGod bless, Kathy.
Dearest Victor,
ReplyDeleteSome real good ones here!
Oh, got that life present given twice to me by one of our kitties this past week. Luckily I was able to rescue them!
Being your 10th video viewer.
Hugs,
Mariette
Yes, cats often bring in whatever they have captured. I talked to our vet about it. He said they want to share their trophies with me. So I made a sandwich with their tinned cat food. Tasted awful.
DeleteGod bless, Mariette.
Haha, they NEVER share their canned or dry food with us. ONLY the wild things...😉
DeleteEven better than yesterday! That's a clever image; tho at first, I saw 6 creatures glaring at me because their dinner was late arriving. If the price of gasoline keeps going up I, too, may have to start charging my friends for coffee and parking!
ReplyDeleteThe problem with friends, Mevely, is that they often want to borrow something or other. Many prices are going up over here, not just gas. Electricity, water and drainage charges and also some foods. The other day I said good morning to my lawyer in the street. Today he sent me an invoice for "weather consultancy" because he agreed it was a good morning.
DeleteGod bless.
You have a wonderful sense of humor!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mimi. It keeps me going.
DeleteGod bless.
You were on a roll there.
ReplyDeleteYes, I hit every step as I fell down the stairs.
DeleteGod bless, Susan.