It's About Time

 

Yesterday, MEVELY wrote on her Blog about time. But because of the space time continuum distortion as explained by Einstein I read her article before she wrote it.

"How is this possible?" I heard you say before you even thought it.

"It's simple," you should have heard me say had you been paying attention. 

You see, as Einstein explained, it is because time bends in the presence of gravity. 

This is something many old people have experienced every time they bend down to pick up something from the floor. They feel the pains of many years on their backs. 

Also, if they stand naked in front of a mirror they plainly see the effects of gravity on their body.

All of which gives rise to great hilarity and a sense of freedom.

Einstein also explained about time dilation. This means the expansion of time in real terms. Remember when you were young how slow time seemed to pass? Especially when you were looking forwards to something nice like a birthday party, a visit to the cinema, or boring Aunt Melba to go home so you can watch TV or play with your toys.

But as you get older that same time seems to go much faster and as soon as you wake up in the morning it is time to brush your teeth and go back to bed, and you've forgotten to go to the bathroom.

That's time dilation. Looking at it another way; let's imagine a circular piece of elastic. Like the one holding up a pair of underpants. As a person's waist gets larger and larger the elastic band stretches and dilates and the underpants remain in place. However, there comes a time when the elastic can stretch no longer and it gives up altogether revealing the effects of gravity on the body as we discussed previously.

Einstein also pointed out the effect of time on distance. Because the earth circumference is over 24,000 miles, and the earth spins once every 24 hours; then if you stand at the Equator you would be travelling at 1000 miles an hour. That's enough to blow your wig off.

However, if you stand at the North Pole, you will turn round on yourself once every day. How slow is that compared to your friend on the Equator? If you stand at the South Pole you'll get dizzy because you're upside down and the blood will rush to your head.

Did you know that my uncle Herbert the Eighth discovered the East Pole? It's somewhere on the Equator but he could not pin it down because it was going so fast.

Finally, scientists have discovered that time affects men and women differently. If you don't believe me, try waiting in the car to go somewhere important whilst your wife is still trying to decide what dress she will wear, what shoes will match the dress, and then start to apply all that face make-up on.