Make Time to Smile

 

If you are bored, try taking up fencing.  I did and my neighbours say they will call the police unless I put them back.

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I never thought that I would be the type of person to wake up at 5am to go for a jog.  It turns out that I was right.

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Would a good name for an insurance salesman be Justin Case?

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Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVD’s back to back.

Luckily, I was the one facing the telly.

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Friendship among Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning, she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning, he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

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My wife said to me that “ my grammar’s pathetic.”

So I replied “ well your grandpa is no better either”.

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Have you ever wondered why mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?”

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A vicar is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the vicar moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the vicar smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

The boy replies, "Now we run!"

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If you really want to see Social Distancing, lend a person some money.

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Last night my wife sent me a text saying that she was in ER.

So I rushed home and watched all 50 minutes of the program and never saw her once.

And she’s still hasn’t come home and I’m starving. She’s so unreliable.

 

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