SPACE - The Final Front Ear
I often write about humorous situations which happened to me which I suspect amuse you no end at my expense.
This time however it is different. This is a very serious
and true story.
I was yesterday evening abducted by aliens. It happened
just like in all the stories you hear and read about alien abductions. Usually
you don’t believe such stories and you suspect they’re all made up. Well. For
me reality actually happened. I saw a UFO and I was abducted by its occupants.
I can imagine a few of you sniggering already, but I wish
you wouldn’t, because I have not quite recovered from this horrendous and
frightening experience.
I was out in our garden at about midnight, having
finished viewing a movie on TV, and I was there counting the stars as I usually
do whilst the dog does his last business for the night.
I had counted up to 76 when suddenly; out of nowhere,
there was this huge cigar shaped thing up in the sky, about 30 or so feet above
me.
It was glowing red at first, then an orangey colour, then
it turned green, and then after a while it turned red again. It took me a while
before I realized it was the reflection of the traffic lights nearby.
The dog didn’t seem to have seen it and continued
sniffing around as he often does.
Then a little white aperture appeared on the underside of
the cigar; like some door opening. Then a light from the aperture shone on me,
like the spotlight you get in the theatre when it shines on a performer on
stage.
I was very frightened and I must have cried a little
because tears ran down my legs.
I felt myself rise up from the ground, as if I was being
lifted gently by my whole body. Not like having a belt tied to your waist or a
harness on your chest and shoulders; there seemed no upward lifting pressure on
my body whatsoever. I was just floating gently upwards.
It lasted a few seconds and then I was inside this large
room with bright lights everywhere.
I was led gently towards a large bed by two humanoid
shapes. They must have been females because they had well developed chests.
I moved along, almost gliding, with them and next thing I
was tied by these big metal clamps to the bed. Clamps round my arms, wrists,
legs, waist, chest and neck. I could not move and a bright light shone above
me.
They placed a metallic helmet with lights going on and
off and a lot of wires and tubes attached to it on my head.
“Let’s test for signs of intelligence,” said a voice which
sounded knowledgeable and authoritative.
The process took a second or two and then the lights
above me went out and the clamps set me free.
Everyone left what must have been an operating theatre or
lab and I was alone with just one individual.
“Hello,” he said, “I am Captain Fragment. The Captain of
this ship. We have just studied you and analysed every biological, physical,
mental, emotional, psychological and every other possible detail about you. Now
would you like a tour of the spaceship?”
It's interesting, I thought, in every story of alien abductions the victim gets to see the ship in detail. Now it's my turn to see their spaceship. I had read in the newspapers recently that aliens had landed in England and turned a person into fish sticks; so I feared the worst. Perhaps they would turn me into a hot dog, or a hamburger. But no ... these aliens offered me a tour of the ship instead.
A little later one of the crew announced that there was a vortex up ahead, leading to a black hole with a singularity several times stronger than the ship’s warp drive engine could withstand before imploding on itself.
"We're done for Captain!” said a crew member, “We'll
be crushed like a nut in a ... in a ... whatever crushes nuts!"
The smell of fear permeated the whole ship. I noticed one of the crew had a badge with the words "Happy Birthday. You are 1"
The captain turned to him and asked, sniffing as he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, "Number 1 ... is that you?"
"No Captain," he replied, "It's Number 2!" pointing at another officer.
"Number One ... You have the bridge!" continued the Captain mumbling in his handkerchief as he left for his Ready Room.
"How long before impact?" Number 1 asked an anaemic
faced android who knew everything there is to know in the whole universe except
how to boil an egg.
"There is no such thing as impact, Commander",
replied the android, "technically speaking we are due to get drawn in at
great speed inside the vortex and go round and round several times before we
travel through the black hole to our eventual destiny at the other side. It is
a bit like going down the bath tub hole when you empty your bath and the water
goes round and round and ..."
"I get the idea ..." interrupted Number 1,
"how long before all this happens?"
"I estimate it will be three hours, twenty minutes
and thirteen seconds, Sir!" replied the android, "Give or take an
hour or so either way depending on which way the wind is blowing!"
Then suddenly, just as he was talking, the threatening
vortex vanished from the big screen in front of us. All was normal again.
Captain Fragment came out of his Ready Room with a cup of
Darjeeling tea in his hand and suggested we take some souvenir photos together
with him and the crew.
“You’ll be able to show these to your leaders,” he said.
“You humans never believe that we exist unless you have well developed photos
to prove it. Well this time you’ll have all the proof you need.”
We said our goodbyes and the next thing I was in my garden
and the cigar shaped space ship disappeared.
I rushed to the authorities and told them what happened.
They did not believe me.
I pulled out the photos out of my pocket. Those clever
aliens had magically turned them into square pieces of toilet paper.
I have a sneaking suspicion that you don’t believe me
either!
LOL, was Captain Fragment just a fragment of you imagination? :)
ReplyDeleteThat is just a BRILLIANT comment, Bill. I like it. He could not have been a figment of my imagination because I do not like figs.
DeleteGod bless you, my friend.
I do believe in fairies. I do. I do.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't believe in aliens...
Chris, what if fairies are actually aliens? You never know, do you? Aliens don't have to look like they do on TV and the cinema. They could have come to earth years ago from a far off Fairy Planet and settled here on earth. For some unknown reason, some of them like to collect teeth. I don't know why.
DeleteGod bless.
Front Ear, haha!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it, Christine.
DeleteGod bless.
Pieces of toilet tissue . . . Lol, Victor! Thank you for my daily dose of laughter, my friend.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Sadly, I thought I had the proof that aliens exist, Martha. Apparently not ... or do they? They can be very clever those aliens, you know.
DeleteGod bless you.
LOL Front ear. hey Victor in a town close to me there is a grave that is suppose to be an alien, I will grab link for you to look at lol
ReplyDeleteHey Victor check this out
ReplyDeletehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aurora,_Texas,_UFO_incident
Thank you Renee. It really makes you think whether there are other creatures out there.
DeleteGod bless.
Yes it does. I took Son and we took photos of the rock..
DeleteThere is so much in life we do not understand.
DeleteGod bless.
Oh that is so true..I do not think anyone will ever know. that is like, no one really knows what is at the very bottom of the sea where no one can go. Oh yes they can guess all they want but no one will ever know.
DeleteOf course I believe you, Victor!! Why shouldn't I??
ReplyDeleteThank you, Terri. It means a lot to me ... and the aliens.
DeleteGod bless.