It has been brought to my notice that a number of my readers do not believe a word of what I write here. They think that I make up all these stories for your entertainment and mine. Be that as it may, I cannot influence what you choose to believe, but let me assure you that this story is perfectly true. My reputation as an honest speaking individual rests on it.
Yesterday, whilst at home alone, I saw an alien from outer-space. I can see some of you smirking already. Please don't. This is serious and the repercussions of this incident can affect us all.
I was in the kitchen and there was a tap on the window. I looked out and there, standing as clear as day, was an alien from out of space. I knew straight away that he was an alien because he was green with envy. Maybe where he comes from they don't have nice kitchens. Also, he was wearing a saucepan on his head which I recognised as one of ours. I looked out on the washing line, and sure enough, one of the saucepan I had hung out to dry was missing. It was on the alien's head.
I politely said, "How do you do?" but he ignored me and stood there by the window.
I had just prepared a pot of tea and sandwiches. Little triangular cucumber and cheese sandwiches with the crust cut out. They looked very dainty and delicious. The type of sandwiches you get in posh stately homes when you have afternoon tea with scones and clotted cream and strawberry jam.
I picked up the plate of sandwiches, opened the kitchen door slowly so as not to frighten him, and offered him a sandwich.
He picked up a sandwich and threw it over the garden fence into the neighbour's garden. That was hardly civilised or friendly was it? I was fuming inside and about to blow off; but being British I kept a stiff upper-lip and offered him a plate of scones with clotted cream and jam. Perhaps he'd prefer something sweet, I thought.
He picked up a scone and threw it in the neighbour's garden. I left both plates on the table beside him and he picked each sandwich and scone in turn and tossed them over the fence into the neighbour's garden. I kept calm and said, "Do you speak English?"
He did not reply but pointed his index finger up to the sky.
"Do you want to phone home?" I asked, having remembered seeing this gesture on TV.
"No ... I am giving you the finger, you idiot!" he said in perfect English.
I was shocked out of my socks. Would you believe it? There I was, in my own back garden, with an alien from outer space, wearing a saucepan on his head, speaking perfect English and fully conversant with our modern sign language.
"Who are you?" I asked smiling as a gesture of friendship.
"What's it to you? Just mind your own business!" he replied lowering his hand to his side.
I must admit I was at a loss for words, because I did not have my dictionary with me. After a few moments of silence, as we just looked at each other saying nothing, I hesitated and asked, "Where do you come from?"
"Your imagination!" he replied calmly.
I could not believe my ears; or indeed my eyes. So I chose to believe my bladder which wanted to speak torrents at the time. Did I hear him correctly, I asked myself. Is he really there standing only feet away? Am I really here? Or is this all a dream or some sort of hallucination?
The bit about the missing sandwiches and scones was real enough. It was the best whole grain granary bread, and the most expensive scones, that went flying into orbit and over the fence. They were on offer buy one and get one free at the supermarket. That bit was real enough. I had the shop's receipt to prove it.
As for him being here, that's up to you to decide and believe it or not.
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UBI CARITAS ET AMOR. DEUS IBI EST.
UBI CARITAS ET AMOR. DEUS IBI EST.
Wednesday 3 October 2018
Close Encounter of the Extra-Terrestrial Kind
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God bless.
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I like to believe he’s real if only in your imagination,
ReplyDeleteWell Laurie, the scones were real. I have the shop receipt to prove it. How did they end up in the neighbour's garden?
DeleteGod bless you. Keep smiling.
AND the point is, "Do you have a vivid imagination or are you willing to waste perfectly good food to prove it?" Why not just imagine you threw the food over the fence instead of wasting it? As for the alien---stranger things have happened!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, My Funny Friend!
Actually Lulu, I believe he was an alien. He even knew about the finger gesture from the film of that name, when he wanted to phone home.
DeleteGod bless.
Sounds like a case for Scully and Mulder. The truth is out there.
ReplyDeleteI used to like that TV series, Chris. The truth is out there was a reminder for me to bring in the trash bins after they'd been emptied each week. The truth is, and was, unless you bring in the bins the Local Authorities would fine you.
DeleteGod bless.
Weird things can happen. I'm glad the alien didn't decide to kidnap you. That would be another story.
ReplyDeleteActually Bill, since this happened, the alien did return, and I WAS abducted. I'm trying to get over the shock right now with a bottle of whisky and a pint of Guinness. I'll write about it here soon.
DeleteGod bless.
Oh I did like Bill's comment above "Weird things can happen. I'm glad the alien didn't decide to kidnap you. That would be another story."
ReplyDeleteI'm now looking forward to another story :)
All the best Jan
Please Jan, believe me. This is not a made-up story. It's true. As I said to Bill, I am now recovering from an alien abduction. It will be on the TV News soon. The aliens landed near us yesterday and turned one of our neighbours into fish fingers. (For our American readers, this means fish sticks).
DeleteGod bless.
LOL Victor
DeleteHi My Faith,
DeleteGlad to see you here. Keep visiting for more LOLs.
God bless.
In your imagination, which is wonderful, Victor, that alien certainly exists. However, he does not have good taste. Who would ever turn down a cucumber and cheese sandwich or a scone? I wish I could have been on the other side of the fence to catch them. Lol!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
He definitely did not have good taste. He was wearing one of our saucepans on his head. And it was the wrong size. I had all our pans drying on the washing line, so he could have picked one that would fit him.
DeleteI wish you were there, Martha. You could prove it is all true.
God bless.
ROFL. Oh my gosh.. If you see Him again, say Hi for me ...
DeleteHello again My Faith,
DeleteI DID see him again. Visit me here tomorrow for the full story. Breaking News soon.
God bless.
Good Afternoon Victor, Thank you for popping into my blog.. I followed you Long ago when I had a different blog... I took a year off break from blogging world...
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Renee
https://myfaithisoverflowing.blogspot.com/
Hello Renee,
DeleteSo glad to see you visiting me here again. Thank you. Much appreciated.
This is predominantly a Christian blog with some humour thrown in every now and then; because I believe God has a sense of humour. He better had ... otherwise I am in real trouble!!!
God bless.
"Your imagination" … I sure wasn't expecting THAT turn! Nevertheless, I'm trying to wrap my mind around the idea of clotted cream. Certainly, not what I'm imagining? Must consult Ma Google.
ReplyDeleteHi Mevely,
DeleteThis bit is real. Not imagination.
CLOTTED CREAM: Clotted cream (sometimes called scalded, clouted, Devonshire or Cornish cream) is a thick cream made by indirectly heating full-cream cow's milk using steam or a water bath and then leaving it in shallow pans to cool slowly. During this time, the cream content rises to the surface and forms "clots" or "clouts". It forms an essential part of a cream tea. (Wikipedia)
This bit is me talking:
Clotted cream is good for having heart attacks. It helps block the arteries if you have too much of it. It is used with scones in the UK when having high tea. That's tea drank whilst sitting on high stools or bar chairs. You cut the scone (or bun) in two, you place strawberry or raspberry jam and clotted cream on one half then put the other half on top. There's a debate on whether you put the jam first then the cream or vice versa. Personally, I don't care. I put the jam first and if people don't like it I just turn the scone upside down and it looks as if I put the cream first. Either way, they are still aero-dynamic to throw over the garden fence onto your neighbour's garden.
Have you had high tea in the UK, with scones and clotted cream, Mevely. Probably not. Which shows how lucky you are.
God bless.
Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteMmmmm?
DeleteGod bless.
Shaking my head...
ReplyDeleteMe too.
DeleteGod bless.