Wednesday 12 February 2020

It's all about the ears.

When I was young I had sticking out ears. I had a thin narrow head and two sticking out ears. I looked like a cup with two handles. Or a car with its doors open.

Whenever I went out shopping with my parents and got too tired walking they would walk each side of me and pick me up from my ears. This did not help reduce their size at all. My parents were still the same size and my ears got stretched even more.

It was just as embarrassing when we went to the cinema. People behind me used to complain that they could not see the screen because of my ears. So my parents eventually had my ears pierced so that people could see the screen through them.

In really hot summers my family used to picnic in the garden and I used to stand there turning my head left and right to create a cooling fresh breeze.

At school the children used to tie a rope round my waist and run ahead to see if I would fly like Dumbo the Flying Elephant.

When we went to the zoo an elephant tried to adopt me by pulling me through the bars with its trunk. Luckily my big ears got stuck and saved me.

At Christmas my uncle gave me a roll of double-sided sticky tape as a gift to pull back my sticking out ears.

Eventually my parents sold our dog and the lawnmower to pay for my ears to be operated on. I had the operation on one ear. Unfortunately the doctor died shortly afterwards.

So for a while I had an ear looking normal and the other still sticking out. At the slightest breeze I used to spin round like a hotel revolving door.

My parents could not afford a sailing boat. So they set off to sea in a bath tub with me sitting at the back catching the wind with my big ear. Alternatively, they would put my head under water and use my big ear as a rudder.

At school playing hide and seek I could never find the other kids hiding behind my ear.

No one loved me as a teenager. Out of sympathy my dad wrote to one of those Dating Agencies to see if they could find me a girl-friend. He wrote: Man with large right ear seeks woman with large left ear. Object - stereo!

Eventually I found a girl friend. I thought she really loved me. I was wrong. Apparently her umbrella broke and all she wanted was somewhere to shelter from the rain.

I was even an inspiration to William Shakespeare when he wrote: Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your big ear.

Ehm ... I seem to have run out of material about ears. Any suggestions? About any part of the body which is big ... nose ... mouth ... teeth ... tummy ... hand ... feet ... anything else???

20 comments:

  1. So this is why you wear a big cowboy hat with a feather and have a beard...to hide your big ear. It works quite well.

    You are funny and I thank you for it ๐Ÿ‘‚

    God Bless You Victor ✝

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    1. Yep ... you got it in one, Jan. I had to hide my big ear somehow. One ear is twice the size of my head, and the other one is bigger than that. Hence the hat.

      God bless.

      Delete
  2. Well, I was all eyes ๐Ÿ‘€reading the story. I would have been all ears ๐Ÿ‘‚ if someone had read the story to me. Well done!

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    1. So glad you liked this CJ. If you prefer sounds instead why not click on "Reflections Soundtracks" at the top of this Blog. I hope you like what you listen to there.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  3. I was looking for the pun (or is that listening for the pun) but I couldn't hear it. Hey, I cycle. I love having the wind at my back. You could ride tandem with me (on the back of course) and catch air for me.

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    1. I was never good at riding a bike, Bill. So riding tandem at the back would be OK, but not solo. A friend once tried to teach me to ride a motorbike. I sat on the seat and revved it up to full throttle. Suddenly the motorbike ran ahead in front of me leaving me standing there - nearly caused me an injury.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. Hey, get the other ear taken care of! No one will recognize you for a while, but will get used to it.

    I am sure the military could find a use for you and your ear.

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    1. Actually Susan, I have discovered that with my big ear I can now hear around corners.

      God bless.

      Delete
  5. Victor I had a belly laugh when I read "At the slightest breeze I used to spin round like a hotel revolving door." And you have no idea how much I needed to laugh today! Thank you, Brother!

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    1. It's always good to laugh Diane. When you're feeling low just visit here for a smile. Check out the "Giggles and Fun" tab at the top of this Blog.

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. Look at the positive, you would never miss a conversation, even if across the room!

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  7. I guess you don't have to signal when making a left turn.

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    Replies
    1. Good point. I forgot about that.

      God bless you, JoeH.

      Delete
  8. Object - stereo. Hahahaha! Take it from someone with an oversized nose: If you can laugh at yourself first, others have no ammunition.

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    1. It's always good to laugh, Mevely. Always good.

      God bless you always.

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. You reminded me, Martha ... last time I went to the barber, as he was cutting my hair I noticed and ear on the ground. I said, "Look here, there's an ear down here! Who's is it?"

      He replied, "Touch it. If it's warm it's yours!"

      God bless you, Martha.

      Delete
  10. Was it Clark Gable who had the sticking out ears? In one movie, the director wanted him to wear a device that pinned his ears back a bit, and he hated the thing. When he could get away with it, he left it off, and through the whole movie, he has some scenes with his ears out, and some with them back, and everyone thought it was so entertaining!

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    Replies
    1. Interesting. Never knew that. I'll check it out next time I see "Gone With The Wind".

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete

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