Saturday 25 April 2020

I didn't mean to ... feline!


Last August we attended a Garden Fair at our church hall. They had a few dancers and musicians to entertain the people and various stalls selling teas and cakes and books and toys and ... and ...

It was enjoyable I suppose, if you like that sort of thing, and all the proceeds were for a good cause, (I never bothered to ask what), so why not go as a family and enjoy ourselves. Better than watching the football on TV with a few cans of Guinness, I should say!

I was getting rather tired, so as we were walking around, I noticed a young lady setting up her stall with a big notice saying, "I can paint you!"

Well, I've always fancied a portrait painting of myself, rather dashing and distinguished as I am. It could hang in pride of place at our house and generations thereafter will admire what a great ancestor they had in me.

So I sat on the chair and said to the lady I'll wait until she has finished setting up her stall. I must have been more tired than I thought because I fell asleep rather quickly. About twenty or so minutes later I was awakened by the family around me laughing and cheering. I eagerly looked for my portrait  ... but alas ... there was none.

The stupid woman had painted my face instead. She was a children's face painter and had assumed that I wanted my face painted.

She painted a black nose, yellowish face, and whiskers all over my face. She said it was a tiger and the family liked it so much they also wanted their faces painted. Not to spoil their fun, I agreed to keep my face paint and not wipe it off.

I soon forgot that I looked ridiculous as the only adult with a painted face. And it was quite embarrassing when our priest smiled benignly and said nothing.

A couple of hours later it was time to go home. As we passed the newsagent I stopped to pick up my favourite magazine and the children's comic "Feline Weekly". As I approached the owner of the shop and asked her for my magazine and comic she cried: "Oh you're such a nasty man ..." and, to my complete surprise, she hit me on the head with a rolled up newspaper.

I stepped back totally confused and was about to speak when an old lady standing behind me hit me with her umbrella and said: "You should be ashamed of yourself. A grown up man like you behaving so badly!"

"What have I done?" I asked totally bewildered. 

"How could you ..." cried the lady shopkeeper, "on the very day my cat Felix died to come here and mock me with your face painted like that!"

I had totally forgotten that my face was painted like a cat. I mean ... how was I to know that her Felix had just died? It was not in the obituary columns of the local newspapers and it certainly wasn't on the six o'clock news!

I was about to explain about the church Autumn Fair and the painting lady when my two children came in the shop with their faces painted as a lion and a cheetah.

The shopkeeper cried even louder and said: "You've even encouraged your children to mock me ... how awful and nasty can you get?"

We got out of the shop hurriedly and made our way home.

I didn't mean to mock her ... honest.

I blame it all on the painting lady ... don't you?

18 comments:

  1. Blame placed in the right place...I think. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Bill. It is not often my readers agree with me. I blame it on the painting lady first, and then on my family for not telling me my face was still painted, and then on the newspaper lady who has no sense of humour whatsoever and took offence at me being painted like a cat. I am totally blameless in this episode. It's the others!

      God bless you, Bill.

      Delete
  2. You must be careful where and when you fall asleep so you must accept partial blame 🐈
    Your children were of course innocent little bystanders 😺
    Maybe you should stop trying to place the blame on everyone else 😻
    You do get yourself in quite a few embarrassing moments but we love you for it and we get to enjoy hearing about your funny escapades...thank you 🐱

    God's Blessings Victor 💮

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why is it me that is to blame? Falling asleep is normal. Painting the face of someone who is asleep is stupid and not normal. Not telling someone who is driving the car home and going to the newsagent that his face is still painted is not normal, so my family should also share the blame. As for the newsagent; so what if her cat died? It is not as if my painted face would haunt her for life will it?

      Why is it I get blamed for everything, Jan? Surely you sympathise with me!

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. Personally, I'd love to see more adults wearing funny faces. While I sympathize with the shopkeeper's loss, methinks she needs to get a grip.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you thank you, Mevely, for agreeing with me. The newsagent should get a grip and have her face painted too. That would be a fitting memorial for her dead cat!

      Keep smiling and God bless.

      Delete
  4. That's what happens when you fall asleep. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you blame me Bill? It was hot. I was tired. And I would rather have stayed at home with a Guinness.

      God bless you always.

      Delete
  5. What I'd give to have seen you in that face paint, Victor! Lol! Sorry it turned into such a cat-astrophe. :)
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, at least you don't blame me for the whole episode, Martha. To make amends, I bought the newsagent an identical cat. Now she has two dead cats!!!!!

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. Absolutely you are not to blame. Perhaps you and the children were honoring Felix with your face paintings. How long did you leave it on....did you have anymore incidents. hahaha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I got cleaned up as soon as I got home. You know, that paint takes a long time to wash off. But I got rid of it in the end. I'm glad I made you smile though.

      God bless, Wanda.

      Delete
  7. I'm getting on to you. As soon as I read the lady say "I can paint you!" I knew it was you who were going to be painted. I did not think it would be painted like a cat though.

    I hate when that happens.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did not think she was going to paint me at all, as a cat or as anything else. What a stupid woman to paint grown up people without asking. I don't know who is worse, her or the newsagent woman.

      I'll never understand women.

      God bless, JoeH.

      Delete
  8. Of course it's the painting lady's fault!! :)

    ReplyDelete

I PRAY FOR ALL WHO COMMENT HERE.

God bless you.