Monday, 20 April 2020
This, that and nothing in particular ...
I was walking through the market place late at night a month ago and I was mugged. This young man pointed a plastic knife at me; you know the one. The plastic cutlery you get when you're on a picnic. Anyway, he pointed this plastic knife at me and said, "Your money or your life!"
I had to think about this for a few minutes. I thought he said, "Your money or your wife!" and as my wife was not with me I did not know how I could seal the deal.
So he repeated his threat, which I understood clearly. I gave him the only two coins I had on me; having spent everything I had in the pub. I gave him a 50 pence coin and a 10 pence coin.
He looked at them in disgust and ran away.
So I went and told the police. They asked me for a description. I told them the 50 pence coin was dated 2019 and the 10 pence coin was dated 2018. They said they wanted a description of the mugger not the coins. I told them I wanted my money back not the mugger.
They asked me where I was going. I told them I was going to a lecture on the evils of drink. They said who would give such a lecture so late at night. I told them my wife would when I got home.
They showed me the door and I've still not got my money back. I did get a lecture though. I think I remember hearing it again a few times before.
Which reminds me of another lecture ... actually it was a sermon ... it was our priest in church a while back. He was talking about prayers and he asked, "What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night?"
I replied, "I check that I am alone in the park. I would hate it if there's someone else sleeping on a nearby bench in case they steal my shoes whilst I'm asleep."
Sometimes going home at night after the pub I can't find my home. All houses look the same in the dark. Especially if I take the wrong turning and I'm in the wrong street altogether. Usually a couple of friends and I walk home together. We walk to whoever's house is first that we manage to find, then we walk until we find another house that belongs to either of us, and then we leave the last one to fend for himself ... usually in the park.
One night the three of us were walking down this road we'd never been to before. It was mostly bungalows ... one storey houses. As we walked by there was a house with its front room lights on and the curtains drawn wide open. It was a bedroom and a couple were doing their exercises on the bed. Obviously in their excitement they forgot to draw the windows shut.
One of my friends wanted to ring their doorbell and warn them that they might be seen from the street. My other friend suggested we just leave them to it and not disturb the moment. I suggested we phone them and tell them they can be seen from the street. Unfortunately, none of us knew their phone number.
When I eventually got home I sat down and wrote them a letter. But by the morning I could not remember which house we'd seen them in. I rang my friends. They could not even remember seeing them.