Monday 20 April 2020

This, that and nothing in particular ...

I found this photo amongst some papers that were in a box in the loft. I don't know who this dog is. But it made me wonder. Was the dog named after me; or was I named after a dog?

I was walking through the market place late at night a month ago and I was mugged. This young man pointed a plastic knife at me; you know the one. The plastic cutlery you get when you're on a picnic. Anyway, he pointed this plastic knife at me and said, "Your money or your life!"

I had to think about this for a few minutes. I thought he said, "Your money or your wife!" and as my wife was not with me I did not know how I could seal the deal.

So he repeated his threat, which I understood clearly. I gave him the only two coins I had on me; having spent everything I had in the pub. I gave him a 50 pence coin and a 10 pence coin.

He looked at them in disgust and ran away.

So I went and told the police. They asked me for a description. I told them the 50 pence coin was dated 2019 and the 10 pence coin was dated 2018. They said they wanted a description of the mugger not the coins. I told them I wanted my money back not the mugger.

They asked me where I was going. I told them I was going to a lecture on the evils of drink. They said who would give such a lecture so late at night. I told them my wife would when I got home.

They showed me the door and I've still not got my money back. I did get a lecture though. I think I remember hearing it again a few times before.

Which reminds me of another lecture ... actually it was a sermon ... it was our priest in church a while back. He was talking about prayers and he asked, "What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night?"

I replied, "I check that I am alone in the park. I would hate it if there's someone else sleeping on a nearby bench in case they steal my shoes whilst I'm asleep."

Sometimes going home at night after the pub I can't find my home. All houses look the same in the dark. Especially if I take the wrong turning and I'm in the wrong street altogether. Usually a couple of friends and I walk home together. We walk to whoever's house is first that we manage to find, then we walk until we find another house that belongs to either of us, and then we leave the last one to fend for himself ... usually in the park.

One night the three of us were walking down this road we'd never been to before. It was mostly bungalows ... one storey houses. As we walked by there was a house with its front room lights on and the curtains drawn wide open. It was a bedroom and a couple were doing their exercises on the bed. Obviously in their excitement they forgot to draw the windows shut.

One of my friends wanted to ring their doorbell and warn them that they might be seen from the street. My other friend suggested we just leave them to it and not disturb the moment. I suggested we phone them and tell them they can be seen from the street. Unfortunately, none of us knew their phone number.

When I eventually got home I sat down and wrote them a letter. But by the morning I could not remember which house we'd seen them in. I rang my friends. They could not even remember seeing them.

Cheers!

20 comments:

  1. You opening lines reminded me of the Indiana Jones #3 where Indy says, "He hates Junior. I like Indiana." To which his dad comments that was the name of the dog. Their companion laughs and says, "A dog! You were named after a dog!" Funny part of the movie. I'd say the dog was named after you.

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    1. I hope you're right, Bill. The dog must have been named after me. No one would name me after a dog, would they? Although, come to think of it, my second name is Spike. Is that not the Tom & Jerry Bulldog?

      God bless.

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  2. Ah, memories, glad I no longer drink...very often.

    "Money or your life" reminds me of the old Jack Benny routine, a stickup man corners him and asks the question several times before Jack says as only he could, "I'm thinking, i'm thinking!"

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    1. Jack Benny was really great. Vintage comedy. Him, George Burns, Bob Hope and Groucho Marx. Brilliant!

      God bless, JoeH.

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  3. I worry about you sometimes Victor... sleeping in the park can be dangerous... Looking through the windows of a couple even more so.

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    1. I only sleep in the park when I can't find my way home. I should have my address tattooed somewhere private. As for looking through windows ... nope ... they had no tattoos either ... both of them!

      God bless, Ryan.

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  4. Ah, that little pup caught my eye and made me smile this morning, Victor.

    And I thank you for sharing him ... no matter what his name is.

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    1. He is nice looking is he not? Just like me!

      God bless, Linda.

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  5. Don't tell me you've gone to the dogs, Victor! Lol! Funny and entertaining as ever.
    Blessings!

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    1. I wonder who that dog was, and who he belonged to. Maybe we had him when I was a child and I can't remember him.

      Hope you're feeling better now, Martha. God bless.

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  6. HaHaHa...I see you spent your weekend at the Pub!! And I thought they were closed. A smile for Monday morning is a good thing. Keep us laughing Victor, and maybe we can forget at little of what's on the news. Sorry I haven't been over for a while..life got in the way!!

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    1. It's great to see you here again Wanda, sharing a smile and a laugh with us. Hope you and your husband are OK health-wise. Praying for you both.

      God bless always.

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  7. I saved your column for reading after lunch and so glad I did. Laughter's far more satisfying than the dessert I was considering. You know, I can work to flatten the curve, or flatten my stomach. But I can't do both.

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    1. It's good to laugh, Mevely. It has health benefits, I hear, although I don't know what. Anyway, I do my best here to provide the laughter and hope people call in to share it. As for dessert ... was it chocolate? I would do anything for chocolate, but I won't do that. (What exactly was that?)

      God bless.

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  8. I love the dog, you should take him along when you sleep in the park. He'll protect you. :)

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    1. Too small for protection, but he'd make a good pillow I think. He is lovely though. I wonder what breed he is. Does anyone know? Does he know? I don't know!

      God bless, Bill.

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  9. Cute little dog. Thank for the laughs.

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  10. If i were you, i'd want my money back, too.

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    1. 60 pence is a lot of money. It's almost less than $1.

      God bless, Mimi.

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