Monday 22 February 2021

Beware the Broccoli

 

At the back of our house, just by the corner facing South, there is a patch of garden which I have designated as the vegetable patch. I have over the years grown several vegetables there, but in particular, the area closest to the house has always been dedicated to broccoli. I don't mind broccoli. I would not order it at a restaurant in preference to steak, or a pizza, but I tolerate it as presumably it tolerates me. I regard it as green cauliflower; which I suppose it is in a way.

Anyway, that aside, I regret to announce that the young painter who was painting the windows at the back of our house fell off his ladder and into the broccoli patch, as did his father before him, and his grandfather before him, and his uncle before him too.

He is about 20 years old and he works for his father as house painters. He leant a bit too much to the side, the ladder slipped, and he landed into the broccoli with his pot of white paint. Half the broccoli is green and the other half is white. As he was being carried away to hospital he said he'd send his brother to finish the job. I told him not to bother. I could paint the remainder of the broccoli white myself.

Two years ago, his father was painting the same windows and he too fell into the broccoli with his pot of paint. His brother, the lad's uncle, came to finish the job and he fell into the patch too and painted the remainder of the broccolli white. 

Four years ago, the grandfather painted the windows. Now he was a real professional. When he fell into the patch he painted all the broccolis white. No need for anyone else to paint those still green.

I rang the hospital to check on the young lad. The nurse said he was a bit off colour. But he'll be all right.

Well, after a series of similar accidents by four different people, all falling off the ladder at the same place, I have decided that something drastic should be done about it.

I shall move the broccoli to a different part of the garden. I shall plant strawberries there instead.

I thought I'd let you know in case any of you like to grow broccoli.

28 comments:

  1. Victor, you will never solve this problem by changing what you plant in your garden...just remove your windows or lower your house!
    See how simple your problem can be solved!

    God's Blessings Victor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never thought of that. No lateral thinking. That's because I have not fallen off a ladder into a broccoli patch!

      God bless, Jan.

      Delete
  2. ...you need vinyl windows that don't need painting!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly what I was going to say. Problem solved!

      Delete
    2. Thanx Tom and Kathy. But what if the man fitting the vinyl windows falls into the now strawberries patch?

      God bless you both.

      Delete
    3. ...it would be a one time thing!

      Delete
    4. Good idea Tom. We'll probably try that.

      God bless.

      Delete
  3. "He was a bit off colour . . ." Very funny, Victor! And yes, let's get some vinyl windows installed!
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now you got me thinking about this, Martha. Can I get vinyl broccoli instead?

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. This reminds me of a broccoflower! Are they sold in the U.K.? Come to think of it, I've not seen any in our grocer's produce lately. Maybe your painter friends absconded with them all before being falsely accused?

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    Replies
    1. You got me intrigued, Mevely. Never heard of broccoflower. Looked it up on Internet. Also looked it up on several supermarkets' websites. Not available. Perhaps not sold in the UK. Does it taste like broccoli? Or cauliflower? Or steak and French fries?

      God bless you.

      Delete
    2. Honestly, I don't recall it having a specific taste -- more so the cauliflower, but bland. I used to prepare it as a summer salad with garlic and flavored olive oil -- so who knows!

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    3. I'll look out for broccoflower when in the shops. Over here we use broccoli and cauliflower florets raw in a salad.

      God bless, Mevely.

      Delete
  5. I dislike broccoli and my ex-wife served it all the time. A few years after the divorce I developed very painful kidney stones. After they passed, the doctor advised me to avoid broccoli and tea. Dang, even two years later, the Bitch got her revenge for leaving me...I learned my lesson.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't realise broccoli and tea can cause kidney stones. Thanx JoeH.

      God bless.

      Delete
  6. Have someone paint you a picture of your broccoli patch and place it over the window then you can watch it all the time, maybe it will grow on you. :)

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    Replies
    1. You always have great ideas, Bill. I think I'll try that. Thanx.

      God bless.

      Delete
  7. They have broccoli at the grocery!
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, next to the paint section. I've seen them there just by the ladder sale.

      God bless, Lulu.

      Delete
  8. Dearest Victor,
    Haha, with former President Bush the elder, you rank right up there for not liking it very much...
    Would be disastrous if this was a reality for falling in the broccoli patch as they usually don't cushion too well!
    Hugs,
    Mariette

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it runs in the family of those painters, Mariette. It is in their genes or DNA. They all fall in broccoli patches. Has been happening for generations I understand. Their uncle Zephenaya fell into broccoli back in the 18th Century. So did their Aunt Wihelmina when she was cleaning windows in the late 19th Century.

      God bless.

      Delete
  9. I love broccoli and Brussel sprouts as well! :)
    At least the broccoli patch broke their falls.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, their falls broke the broccoli - as well as painting them.

      God bless, Happyone.

      Delete
  10. Broccoli is a favourite in our house :)
    Strawberries too, roll on Summer I can just taste sweet strawberries with double cream ... Yum!

    It always worries me when I see painters, or anyone on ladders, they need to take care.

    All the best Jan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We like broccoli too, Jan. Although I'm concerned about what JoeH said above.

      Painters and window cleaners should be kept away from broccoli.

      God bless.

      Delete
  11. Be careful what color you want your house next time, your strawberries will probably end up that color, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We'll paint the windows red next time.

      God bless, Mimi.

      Delete

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