Saturday, 10 April 2021

Will you marry me?

 

Years ago, before I got married, one day I was having a discussion with a priest about marriage. Sadly, he is now dead; but I recall he had an unusual attitude towards marriage, especially since he was a priest.

He said to me that young people should not get married unless they have lived with each other for a while first. Rather strange advice you might say. But being a Catholic priest, he added that they should not have sex before marriage. He limited their fun to playing Monopoly, Chess or Scrabble; he said with a smile.

He advised that people should get to know each other better before getting married. There is nothing like seeing a woman in bed with her hair in curlers and cream all over her face to make you decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with her!

He was joking of course, but he made his point well. Often, people get married without really knowing the other person well. Their beliefs, their values in life, their ambitions, hopes and wishes. Whether they want to have children or not, what are their priorities in life and so on. Too many people, he claimed, get married because they "love" each other without even knowing what love is and the sacrifices and pains you sometimes have to go through to keep that love alive well after the honeymoon.

"Young people these days," he said, "are infatuated with each other seeing their knight in shining armour, or their princess, rather than experiencing the true meaning of love, caring, loyalty and affection which should ideally last them a lifetime together!"

He was a wise priest. And that was a long time ago.

I wonder whether young people today view marriage in the same context as he did.

24 comments:

  1. Dearest Victor,
    That was indeed a very wise priest and his views on a lasting marriage are still as valid as back then!
    Sadly, due to a generation of instant gratification, the number of divorces has sky rocketed or worse, they bypass marriage altogether for having an 'easy' split up...
    Both are signs of the vast moral decay that is sweeping over the world and it will have its toll; above all in the very end!
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. What a brilliant comment, Mariette. I could not have said it better. Thank you so much.

      God bless.

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  2. ...my wife and I will celebrate oue 54th wedding anniversary in August.

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    1. Many congratulations Tom. You're an example to us.

      God bless.

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  3. I agree 100%. Had I heeded this advice, I'd have probably broken my parent's hearts -- yet not experienced 2 divorces. Like the Lorelei, infatuation's a mighty temptress.

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    1. When we are young, we always know better. I knew more things when I was 19 than what I know now.

      God bless you, Mevely, my friend.

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  4. The key to any successful marriage is to truly know your partner not just as a lover but as a friend. Your priest gave you wise advice, Victor.
    Blessings!

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    1. What you say is true, Martha; but I doubt today's youngsters all see it this way. Sad isn't it?

      God bless you.

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  5. Older people always have wise views on marriage, that is because they have forgotten all about hormones. Divorce rates are higher today because divorce is now more acceptable. Years ago people stayed together forever often times miserable. They married in their teens because there was no birth control and stayed together forever...sometimes miserable. I was married for 23 years the last 15 affectionless and miserable, then 12 years good/bad on and off due to mental instability. It has now been 10 excellent years with number 3 and I say thank you God for divorce. Marriage is a crap shoot and if you roll bad dice it is nice to get to roll again.

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    1. Yes I agree with what you say, JoeH. Don't misunderstand me. I am not talking against divorce. Divorce is often necessary and is the only solution to a bad marriage. The point the priest was making is: don't just rely on your hormones and get married without even knowing your partner.

      Let me give you an example: a young couple I know got married. About six months after the marriage she wanted to emigrate to Canada. He had a good job in the UK. They had never discussed this before the marriage and it came just out of the blue. She packed her bags and left. Marriage lasted less than a year.

      God bless.

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    2. I don't disagree, my point is that as we age we tend to forget the gigantic hormonal pull which younger people have that makes all the considerations wiser people bring up moot. Those hormones were designed for times when our species required multiple births per couple, couples that all lived within miles of each other with vastly similar beliefs and upbringing and limited choices in available partners. A less complicated life which often resulted in abuse and uncomplicated misery.

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  6. In my humble opinion, marriage is not about hormones, good times, material possessions or who is right or wrong. Marriage is about an everyday journey of caring and giving and taking. It is about going through cancer with someone you love or watching that person succeed at something near and dear to them. It is about forgiveness and caring more for each other’s feelings than you do your own. Marriage is an adventure hopefully with God at its center. No, I don't think most kids today understand much of that. It is a me, me, me world we live in. Rant over! Blessings to you, Victor.

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    1. No rant ... you are correct, Nells. It seems to me that youngsters these days do not understand commitment, caring, giving and taking, sacrifice. There is no journey with God because in most cases God does not exist in their lives.

      As you say, it seems to be a me me me existence. The world is a sad place right now.

      God bless.

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  7. Before marrying, they need a good six months of premarriage counsel, and need to come to agreements on all of the big areas of life. They don't have to feel the same about everything, but agreeing on what's important and what they can compromise on will let them know if this is the right step.

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    1. You are of course right, Mimi. But six months of counsel? They want to be married instantly, now, right away. It's the modern trend.

      God bless.

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  8. And here I thought you were that priest!
    I suggested this to my girl when I was 16, living together that is. HAHA I had to marry her at 17 to get to know her. I am glad I learned she was just as sweet as I thought she was, that was over 64 years ago.
    Enjoyed the read, loved the car in the header.
    Sherry & jack under over cast skies.
    Thanks again for the prayers.

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    1. No Jack; I am not a priest, vicar, pastor or minister. Just an ordinary guy writing what comes to mind.

      So glad you and Sherry are so happy together all these years. An example to us all.

      Here it is very cold, Jack; despite the sunshine. Did a bit of gardening but got frozen, so I got in again.

      God bless you both.

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  9. My wife and I only knew each other for 6 months before we got married and that was 41 years ago this summer. People today, I heard call their first marriage a starter marriage, they don't expect it to last, very sad. First time there is a problem they don't like, it's time for divorce. How crazy is that.

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    1. Congratulations on 41 Years, Bill. Another example to us all. It is sad how society has made divorce so easy. Marriage is losing its sanctity and that is because people no longer believe in God. Crazy!

      God bless you both.

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  10. Life seems to change and evolve (not always for the better) but it is what it is!
    It seems to come down to each individual or pairings views, commitment, willingness, communication, to name four things!

    As always good 'food for thought', thank you.

    All the best Jan

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    1. You are right, Jan. The world changes but not always for the better.

      God bless always.

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